Nothing to complain about.
It's been a while, so I wanted to say hello. I'm sitting in my apartment at 9:35 am. It's an overcast morning, not that rare for Los Angeles. But somehow it still feels bright. I almost have to squint at the light streaming in from the balcony windows. The Socal sky is weird that way.
I'm transitioning out of a huge transition lately, and it's pretty much exhausting. But growing always is. I think anything in life that is too easy, maybe isn't worth our time. I'm learning all sorts of new skills, life lessons, and a new occupation: music/theater teacher. It requires a whole new set of tools that I have never had to utilize before in this way: humility, flexibility, imagination, forgiveness, patience, compassion, and confidence. I'm on a crash course for becoming a better human being, basically. Thank God I get to sing while I'm doing it. That's the easy part. Singing never feels like work. Ever. Amen!
In the meantime I'm beginning to love our new home. Silverlake is an awesome neighborhood that I discover I love more and more each day. We have a new roommate who plays classical guitar and is amazing at it! The other night the 3 of us and a few of my buddies from England stayed up all night jamming and making up ridiculous songs. It was hilarious and so happy. I believe one song became almost a rap about all of the things America has invented which make it way better than England. That was a goodie. We were all so filled with joy and laughter. I like having a big living room that is just perfect for music filling and jamming! I think a concert will have to be planned here sooner than later. My roomie, Jordan, will play too. The girls will swoon.
There really is nothing to complain about, is there? I was sitting here trying to think of something to whine about in blog form. What a waste of words. I am such a lucky and loved person. We all are. Since when does happiness come from the amount of checked boxes you have on your MUST HAVE list? Last time I checked, stuff and accomplishments does not equal contentment. It just equals more desire.
Here we are.
This is it!
And this is great.
I feel like lack is an illusion. I don't make a ton of money, I don't have a boyfriend or husband or baby, I don't have a professional career as a singer, I don't live near my family, blah blah blah. These are all perceptions. Negative perceptions. I HAVE everything I need in this moment. If everything is connected and everything on this planet is quasi dependent on everything else to survive, than all is in order, right? Than everything that is happening is just as it should be! The idea that if only one thing changed here or there, THEN it would be good, is so limiting. What a trap! Freeing my mind and my heart up from those ideas feels so good. I don't need anything more than exactly what I have!
Lately, and forgive me, Dad, if you're reading this, I've been obsessed with the idea of getting 'laid.' Like if I did, I would magically be happy. Like all of the tension and stress would go out of my body for good and the sun would shine brighter - like in the movies! But the reality is that that euphoria only lasts a few seconds. SECONDS! Then life is back. That's how it is with everything. Anything that we think we must have to be happy will in no way make us happy. So I can stop creeping on the internet for a male sex slave....just kidding.
Seriously. That joy and release exists for me at this very moment. Life is beautiful! Damn. Just look around. The light streaming in from outside, the sounds of my roommates waking up, the steady stream of traffic on the roads, the sweet taste of my tea with milk and sugar, the warmth of my clothes on my body, the people I'm looking forward to seeing and talking to today,the fact that this entire day is out of my hands and holds nothing but surprises! Life is more than beautiful. Life is love.
This is why I love blogging. I always seem to end up writing my own answer to my petty problem. Thank God for this!
Have a great day. I leave you with my latest musical obsession.