What now? Open letter to the unemployed.
Hey, unemployed peeps.
It's 4:30 pm PST. I'm in a coffee shop on Sunset Blvd in my new neighborhood, Silverlake. It's really weird. There are sunglasses, credit cards, cigarette packages, and hats stapled to the walls. The pastries are Brazilian and the coffee is really good. The cashier has a spiderweb etched into the side of his buzzed hair. Spanish radio is playing over the speakers, so I have my headphones in and am listening to Martha Wainwright.
Yesterday morning I shuffled my tarot deck and pulled out a card during my meditation. I got this card:
I almost laughed out loud. This past month has been one of the hardest since I've moved to Los Angeles. The tower fell, so to speak. The structures that were holding my way of life together - at least some of them - came tumbling down. It was really scary and uncomfortable. All at once I did not have a home or a job. It was sink or swim and I'm swimming.
I'm in a complete state of surrender right now. It seems I do not have control over much of anything in my life. And in a way, it's awesome. One of my favorite books, Buddhism Plain and Simple, says that control is an illusion. And really it is.
I spent sometime over by the huge ocean the other day, the Pacific one. It humbles me! This thing is so huge and relentless and powerful. Really, at any moment it could eat us alive. We are really all at the Ocean's bidding, especially here on the coast.
So what do we have control over when it seems we are at the mercy of life? Not sure how we will pay the bills, or where we are going to work tomorrow, or what our purpose in life is...
Well, when you are unemployed it becomes very simple. I have control over the attitude and perception which I am going to approach my day with. It is either going to be one of faith and gratitude or one of fear and self pity. This sets up my entire experience of life. I am either grateful and surrendered to the beautiful flux of life (open to miracles and prosperity) or I'm fearful, closed off, depressed and blind to new opportunities. The choice seems obvious. But it can get tiring constantly choosing faith over fear. And fear is so dirty and tempting.
I'm in faith right now. And it's working. Shit is happening. I got a new place to live and it's amazing. I'm going to be living with my brother and sister in this sweet place in the best neighborhood in Los Angeles. How did that happen? Don't ask me. I guess I just showed up.
The job stuff is interesting. I'm investigating very interesting opportunities - because when you shed your skin of old behaviors and situations it would be wise to try a new direction. So I'm looking into more bohemian, creative, and flexible day job options. Ultimately, i want to be free to write and sing and be an artist when and where I please. I do not want to be married to a desk. So DESKS BE DAMNED. I believe that it IS POSSIBLE to support myself without working a desk job. Do I know exactly how I'm going to do that? No. But I have faith.
So far this week, I have written three songs, practiced guitar for at least 30 minutes a day, and it felt damn good. Creativity is flowing once again and I feel grounded in my commitment to the work.
So the tower has fallen. And I find myself asking what's next. I guess the beautiful answer, full of hope and excitement is:
I've got my eyes open. And my heart too.