Follow your GUT and your dreams will follow!
Good morning, good morning, it's great to stay up late, good morning, good morning to you!
Yippidy scoo bop de bop a lop dabaroo bop barrap bam boom!
I got a job. I got a job!!
I wanted to write today to testify that trusting your gut WORKs and settling for less is for shit and that you can have what you desire. You really can.
Here's what went down. I've been searching for a job and unemployed for about 3 weeks. I was previously working as a marketing/press/receptionist/assistant/printing/design/sales/customer service Rep at a small wholesale company. Internal drama and the complete meltdown of communication between Executives, plus a few calls to the cops, made it clear to me that I could no longer work there. It was a good steady paycheck and a place that had at certain times truly fostered my creativity and life in LA. I'm really grateful I had that job for year. But it was time to move on.
I knew it in my gut. My brain was thinking practically and arguing with my gut over and over. What about the bills? What about your boss that you care for? What about the company, what will they do? What if you can't get another job? doubt doubt doubt, fear fear fear. But my gut was saying "IT'S TIME TO GO. "
So I did.
I started getting interesting interviews right off the bat. Attractive, lucrative, shiny new opportunities. The first one was to work for a faith based marketing company that brings movies and entertainment with a God-centric message to the religious peeps of the world. It seemed attractive! The pay check was huge, the subject matter seemed to gel with mine, the boss was funny and smart. But something didn't feel right. Down there. In the gut. What was it? Why could I not accept the position? Was it the full time hours - taking me away from my main career focus? Was it the small business set up? Was it the clearly CHRISTIAN movies I would have to be jazzed about? Or was it the fact that every funny joke the boss told had some sort of sexual innuendo? That might have been it. But I couldn't fully describe why it wasn't right. It just wasn't. I meditated. I prayed. And I said no. To a job.
Then I got offered another! Another Job! Luckiest bitch alive, you're saying, right? This was to be a part-time vacation rental helper. Take reservations and meet vacationers from Europe at their rented apartment with the keys and a smile. Sounded easy enough. The pay wasn't great and the guys who ran the business were younger than I am, but I was offered the job right? And I need one. So I should take it, right? I said yes.
Whelp, on the same day I was supposed to go to this new job, I got a callback from an audition I had gone to, for shits and giggles. I figured if I need money, I'm in LA, why not work as an extra. I had read the monologue and sang a bit and they seemed to like me. That morning the casting agency called and said they LOVED me and they would like to 'represent' me as a background actor and get me featured speaking parts, and send me out for commercials, and I'd get work 5 to 6 days a week. They made it sound divine! My heart leaped! You mean, all I have to do is go get some headshots, and I can act and dress up in costumes and stand there as my day job? BRILLIANT! I didn't want to work at a desk. I've always been an actor. It sounded perfect.
Before declining the other job, I sat on my meditation cushion and checked in with my gut. My head was swirling: Maybe this is a hoax, I need stability, take the vacation rental job, this is part of your dream, go for it, etc. But I sat silently. And my gut spoke. It was leaping with joy. It leaped up into my chest and made me cry. And as I cried, I knew, deep down in my soul, that something better was out there for me. I deserved a happy, joyful life where I expressed myself as an artist. I did not have to sit behind a desk and push paper. I could live a life that I had dreamed of. I felt in in the Gut. I knew.
I called the Rental place and declined the position. They told me to "Have a nice life." I said, "Thanks, I will." And that was that. Still unemployed, I went off to get my headshots and live the Hollywood dream.
Long embarrassing part of the story short, it was a hoax. I haven't gotten called once yet to show up on set. I found out that this agency was like a miniature hack compared to Central Casting - the hugest and oldest Extra casting agency in the biz. I had been bamboozled.
I was poor, unemployed, ashamed, and a little listless. For a few days. But I kept applying. I kept scouring the Internet for jobs. I knew that for some reason, these other jobs weren't for me. But I had a job on the horizon. I blogged to dull the pain and infuse my life with some humor. I recorded some songs to feel alive. And I kept going.
Last Thursday I got a call from a Musical Theater School in Pacific Palisades. I had sent them my resume and picture on a whim. Thinking just maybe I might have a shot. "We LOVE your resume! Come in for an interview tomorrow!"
I drove out to the beach and was a little early. The school was right next door to the Lakeshrine at the Self Realization Fellowship that I had loved meditating at so much for my first year in LA.
I had sometime to sit and reflect before my interview. I walked through the rose gardens and took in the beauty. I sat. And stilled my gut. It was peaceful. It was grounded in my body. I was ready.
I walked into the interview with a smile on my face. 2 minutes later I got the job. A job I have dreamed of having since I was in middle school! I am now a musical theater teacher/coach to kids ages 4-14. I start on Monday. NO DESK FOR ME! I get to sing and dance and act and play and laugh with kids for a LIVING. AND have plenty of time to write my songs and perform. How did this happen? How is it possible?
My gut was calm and collected. My body felt warm and happy as I left the building. I knew I had found my job.
I got to go help backstage at the little ones' showcase on Saturday morning. The sweetest sound in the world is children singing. Their eyes light up, their little bodies flail to the music, their hearts beam out towards the audience.
I was them once, over 25 years ago. Singing my little heart out on the stage with such purpose, such joy, such love of life! Someone gave me that gift so long ago - and it saved my life. Now I get to give it back and I get to relearn why I loved doing this in the first place.
Because it's FUN!!!!!!!!!
I'm so grateful that I am learning how to listen to my internal conscience. It's really scary to trust. But it's right every time. When your tummy is jumping and your chest is heavy and your voice is shaky and your eyes are squinty - your body is trying to tell you something that your heart KNOWS. Maybe you're in love! Maybe you should get out of there! Maybe you're excited! Maybe you're in danger. Maybe you are supposed to say no because your dream is around the corner with a big YES! The gut does not waste time convincing your stubborn head. It's not going to give your ego a list of practical reasons why you should make a certain decision and an overview of what's ahead. It just takes action and you can listen or not listen.
I'm learning how to check in and hear my gut's voice. And I'm so glad. Because it lead me to one of my all-time top dream jobs! I'm pretty sure it is the only reliable advisory board in my life. And I'm sold. I'm going to do everything in my power to check in and listen, because there is nothing in the world that has my best interests at heart like MY GUT.