Growing up just in time

Good morning folks,

I woke up early today to take care of some long past due tax type things. It felt pretty good. Cleaning up the wreckage of 10 adult years of messing around can be daunting, but it's awesome. Every time I pay a bill or do something BEFORE the due date, I feel like I'm kicking ass! Seriously, the simple adult tasks have daunted me for years. But I can no longer let my life pile up and become so unmanageable any longer. My old MO was "If it's not fun, don't do it." The problem with that is that it gets REALLY UN FUN eventually and then all you are left with is this overwhelming need to escape your life, hardcore. That is one of the main reasons I drank.

Today, I don't drink anymore. I haven't had a drink in ONE YEAR. That's pretty crazy for me. I definitely thought it was not possible. But it is. I've learned this year that your greatest fear is probably the thing you need to do most. Because when you face it, you start becoming the person you were always meant to be. It's hard! Getting sober was sometimes like crawling through a tiny tunnel of thorns on my hands and knees. I bled. I cried a lot. I have had to come face to face with some of the most uncomfortable truths about being me. But it's worth it. It's really worth it.

I'm not free and easy on the other side of that tunnel yet, for sure. Still doing the deal. Still growing. But I have to say I have a sliver of a bit more faith in myself now than I did a year ago. The strength you receive from humbling yourself before your fears and giving over to faith is unexplainable. You have to just experience it. I'm guessing it would be what a person afraid of heights might feel like in an airplane about the skydive for the first time. At some point you have to give up your fear and your ego and jump. You have to jump into faith - only then do you reap the benefits and feel the exhileration of that fall. I am by no means ready to jump out of an airplane, SCARY! But I'm facing other fears daily, and it's pretty cool.

I sent out a mailer last night about the show that is coming up at the Viper Room on October 25th at 9:30pm! If you did not get it, that means you are NOT on my mailing list. If you would like to be, e-mail me at I'd love to hear from you! :)

Have a kick ass day today. And as an old random guardian angel said to me once, FUCK FEAR.


  1. As always a pleasure to read. The development is outstanding - ONE YEAR. It's the hardest one... the old saying is, "there's two things in recovery the bad news is, you get your feelings back....and the second thing is you get your FEELINGS BACK!"

    I love the analogy of the tiny tunnel, hands and knees and crying a lot... been there done that - ouchie!

    Thank you for sharing with the world.

    Amen :)

  2. LOVE, you inspire me!
    I'm gonna try to make it monday, but my flight gets in at 9:38.... So we'll see what happens.
    I'm proud of you. Do continue being awesome for the good of the world please.

  3. Thanks, Emma. I love you and miss you! Looking up to you always.

    Alana! Thank you so much. I hope you can come. Yesterday was fun, we are going to get some amazing pictures! I can't wait! See you soon. :)


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