Livin the dream V Keepin it Real

Good morning blog,

It's been a long time. I was trying to figure out why it's been so long since I felt the urge to write on here. I guess it's a mixture of things. 1) I've been working at my day job a lot more - which sort of cut into the time I had in the morning to sip java and pontificate. 2) I have a boyfriend now. It's really awesome. But also something that I did not feel the need to publish to the world, at least in detail. My life feels a little more private right now. 3) Shit is weird! Oftentimes I have felt like I have nothing to share, and who cares about this stupid blog anyway. But the answer to that question is I DO.

So here I am. I recently had a convo with my good friend Alfie about artist blogs. He kept a blog during his trek towards Broadway. It was amazing. He started a blog called basically "Follow me on my way to Broadway." And two years later, he was there, in "South Pacific" at Lincoln center. Talk about manifesting dreams. He worked his ass off, and took it one day at a time, striving towards his goal and achieved it. And his blog/online fan base got to take the journey with him. Just fyi - the final performance of his show just recently broadcast live on PBS. It's fabulous and definitely worth watching on repeat.

Anyway! We were talking about one of the dilemmas of making a public journey towards your dreams. People are rooting for you and expecting dramatic results - either positive or negative. As an artist who has decided to share the personal side of this journey with her friends, family, and fans - how do you KEEP IT REAL? For instance, being on Broadway for the first time was one of the best and hardest experiences of Alfie's life. It was equally exciting, thrilling, mind-blowing and disappointing, exhausting, and challenging. How does one respond to "OMG, alfie!!! You are on Broadway!!! That's amazing! Are you so excited? You're living the dream???" I guess all you can say is, "Thank you. Yup!" Why go into detail. But the truth is, life is life. And sometimes, it's not that exciting.

I'm by no means where Alfie is in his career - but I'm on my way- and I'm so often compelled to exaggerate- to make people like me, yes, but also - even just to make people feel better. It's like how we all want to believe in love. So we watch romantic comedies where there is a happily ever after. But truly - the AFTER - is the interesting part and the bumpy part. It's not pretty all the time. So the dilemma is, are we upfront about it, or do we frost it over with some pretties and generalized play by plays to 'keep the dream alive' so to speak. Is it more important to make people 'believe' that the dream is being lived out here in LA? or to keep it real and be upfront about the challenges and bumps in the road.

I think the answer is probably a mixture of both. Going into too much detail about one's personal issues in a public sphere is sort poor taste. It's really popular these days. And I'm sure I've already crossed that line many times. But some of those things are best kept close within the inner circle of trust. But some other things - the big questions - the stumbles that you learned from - the disappointments that you move through - I think those are important to share. It's like sharing the dream in mini after school specials where there is always a resolution and moral at the end. That is the way most of my freaking blog entries are anyway.
And sometimes it's important to share the mundane too. Because no matter where you live or what you are doing - you still have to get yourself out of bed in the morning, brush your freaking teeth, do your job, eat some food, and take a poo. That's life. And all of us are living it. The people who we consider to be living the good life - are pretty much doing the same things we are - with the same worries. So it's important to level the playing field.

Just in case any of you thought I was happy all of the time and Ln the D 24/7. IM NOT.

The weird thing about life is that the pursuit of happiness can be a struggle. You don't become a soft, shiny stone in the river by laying on the beach and getting a tan. You get it by being tossed and thrown around in the rapids for years and years. Wear and tear makes you a stronger, more beautiful human being. I believe that engaging in challenges can buff out your imperfections. It makes them a little smoother. But you have to ENGAGE life. You cannot run away from it. If I'm living any dream right now - it's the one I have had of becoming the woman I have always wanted to be. Day by day I try to do a little better. I show up for my life. I sing. I love. I put pretty clothes on and do my hair. I am becoming that lady i dreamed of on my mom's water bed in Jacksonville, Florida when i was 12 years old. At the time I believed with all my heart that I would never be kissed. I felt ugly, worthless, sad, uncomfortable, unlovable, and angry. I was an angsty little pre-teen. But I hoped that some day it would change. AND IT IS CHANGING.

Thank you GOD! So for THAT I am super excited. And it is completely important to share.

The only other plug I have for the day is this. I'm working on getting my music out to a broader audience - this is also in anticipation of releasing some new material this fall. I've been recording some songs - very low-fi - but also very beautiful stuff. I can't wait to get it out to the world! There is a really neat site called reverb nation that I believe is going to help me do this. You can go there and hear some of my music, by mp3s, look at pics, see upcoming shows, and links to all my other stuff. It's pretty neat. You can become a fan there, join my mailing list, and many other cool things. So check it out! You can even share this widget on any of YOUR sites and blogs. Do a little PR for me. :)

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At some point I will be stream-lining all of the sites I'm keepin up right now. It's a little scattered. But for now, this is what we're up to. There is a cool way to create merch on the reverb site too. ANY T-SHIRT DESIGNS swimming around in those creative minds of yours???? Send them my way! I'll put them on a shirt, make them available on my store, AND buy one for you. haha. You can send ideas and designs to my personal e-mail and if you don't have it - send to this:



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