It's been a year. HOLY NUGGET.
Just a few thoughts today. As I pondered over the event of my one year anniversary in Los Angeles...I didn't have much to say. It has been nothing like I expected it to be. And so much more. A lot has changed in a year - and yet it feels like I blinked. How did it go by so fast?
This is me in Italy on the day I decided that something needed to change. I was going to move. I was going to sing. I had no idea what was going to come next. I look freaked out.
Here's what happened:
I started to build a career. A career that I love and believe in with all of my heart and soul.
I got sober. Last week I celebrated 9 months with no booze or drugs in my system. It's a crazy trip and the hardest most rewarding thing I've ever done.
I wrote a lot of songs. I think I have almost 3 hours of solid material now.
I got bangs.
I met some amazing friends and teachers and musicians. I have a community here. And it is supportive beyond belief.
I learned a lot this year. Walking out on stages and into situations that were foreign to me and just singing, just being. Facing fears makes you grow. I face them a lot out here. I'm often afraid that I am not good enough - that my songs and my voice are nothing special. I have to face that head on almost everyday. I have to claim my space in this world, in this industry, on that stage, in a room. I have to claim it and proclaim that I deserve to be there. And after a year of practicing this, I'm starting to believe it more and more.
I really grew in my faith. Without God, I'm up shit creek without a paddle. For serious. Everyday, every hour, I am learning to check in and connect to something greater - something beautiful and loving. God is helping me give of myself to others in a more selfless way.
I got a boyfriend. Lost a boyfriend. Dated. And got a new boyfriend this year. We are still in the quiet stages, but I may be ready to shout about it very soon. Stay tuned on that.
I got tan. Because I live in LA.
I travelled to St. Thomas with Essence of Joy Alumni Singers and had the time of my life. I like boats and snorkeling and friends and singing.
I played shows. Each one was different. None of them were perfect. All of them had beautiful moments where the music and me and the audience vibed together in that spiritual place that only exists in live performance. I live for it!
I sang with people. Ladies: Mar, Emma, and Drea. Men: Jared, Dave, and John. Sharing music with them made me happy and continues to bring a lot of joy to my life!
Most importantly, I am remembering a moment I had with my Dad the day after I arrived. We were standing on the balcony outside of his hotel room in Ventura - looking out at the ocean. I had just started reading an inspirational book by Robert Schuller. Dad asked me what I wanted to accomplish in a year. I don't remember everything that I said, but I do remember saying that I wanted to record a CD - something really beautiful and amazing. Well, it's been a year, and I'm really excited to say that I go into the studio today to start work on my demo!!!!!! I have some songs that I'm in love with. I'm ready to sing them and play them and make a beautiful vignette of this year. Johnny Lee Schell is a grammy award winning producer and a kick ass guitar player. He will be recording my songs, starting today at 1pm. I know that by the end of the summer - a demo will have taken shape that I can share with you all.
So in a year, I have reached my goals and achieved many more that I did not even know I had. The initial leap of jumping in the car with my stuff and moving out to Los Angeles on a hunch has paid ultimate rewards. Walking in faith is such a trip. You never know what you're going to get. And you always get more than you could have dreamed. You get the good stuff. The gooey stuff. Like love. and peace. and contentment. and family. and creativity. and beauty. We always seem to forget about those things when we are dreaming. I can honestly say that I have less money then I have ever had. I have less financial security than ever before. I need a job. I don't have a record deal, or a tour, or a manager, or any sort of awesome success in this business yet. I don't have much material success at all. But I have a whole lot of the true kind of success. I'm happier, healthier, more spiritually fit, stable, positive, and creatively productive than I was a year ago. I sing better. I write better. I play guitar better. And I perform better.
I also love better. Myself and others.
I think it's been a great year. Thanks for coming along for the ride with me. Let's keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was my theme song when I drove out here. It still makes me want to move!!!!!!! My body.