Songs about rainbows and what's on the otherside
Good morning starshines,
It's the 'morning after the wedding' blog and I feel fine. I wanted to share some reflections on the day. First, I'll just share the pictures I was able to snap. Of course my camera battery died. These were taken with my iphone.
The stunning bride and her maid of honor. I wish you could see the headpieces. Works of art!
Dinner action shot with all-star bridesmaid, Cari, and Jack of all trades Best Man, John.
A little candlelight? Me with the brilliant bridesmaid, Anne!
Ok, let's just put this out there. I used to HATE weddings. No matter how hard I tried, or how much I loved the bride and groom or groom and groom, I always felt awkward. There was just something about commitment and family and friends in a big room with alcohol and bad dancing and weird/over share speeches and forced kissing and lots of waiting around and outdated traditions and ugly dresses and singledom in a room of couples that made me HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE. Weddings have just never been my cup of tea.
I'm not saying I'm converted completely. It's not as if I've seen the light. It's that I am experiencing absolutely everything in my life in a new way now. And I was able to enjoy Lauren Hall and Scott Cohen's wedding this weekend to the max! I guess...because I was sober.
****continued 2 days later****
Ok, now it's 3 days after the wedding. Haha. As I was saying, I feel like I have different eyes and different reactions and abilities. It's like these magic sober powers are coming to me that I haven't tapped into since I was a little kid. I feel open and hopeful and happy and trusting. I was able to show up for my dear friends and help out with their wedding without making it all about me and my little addictions and selfish neurosis. I was able to just be...present. And it felt so good. Who knew I could have fun at a wedding? And sober? Forget about it. I didn't even have fun at weddings when I was drunk! But having the experience over and over again that no matter where you are or what you are doing - you are enough, just the way you are in that moment - changes the whole picture. I feel like my little mind/body/soul is getting experience with enoughness, serenity. No matter what. It could be awkward or fun or sexy or hilarious or sad - and no matter what, I'm still there. There is no escape.
This is new territory for me. But I'm starting to feel comfortable here. The instinct to take off and escape my reality is still strong in me - but the more I stick with it, the more I'm realizing that reality is RAD.
Watching my friends make their vows and kiss for the first time as husband and wife, my heart overflowed with joy. And I felt it! Every blessed moment of it. And I wasn't jealous and I wasn't uncomfortable - I was feeling the love. The love for two people who have decided to 'just be' with each other for the rest of their imperfect lives together! The concept has always freaked me out, but I'm starting to see how it could be possible. I'm starting to see how one day at a time you just love someone. Not for the rest of your life - just moment to moment. And that makes up a lifetime.
As we danced to "Let's Dance" by David Bowie - I felt my body vibrate and my face light up at the pure silliness and sexiness of the dance. I was responding to all the energy around me moment to moment - and it had nothing to do with a 'buzz.' It was pure, unadulterated, joy. People were pulsating with sexual energy and laughter. It was amazing!
Experiencing life on life's terms and a wedding on the wedding's terms was an awesome experience. Life surprises you...when you let it. When we stop interfering with every event and relationship and second of our lives - manipulating it to be better, faster, more exciting, happier, more successful, etc - life surprises us by ROCKING. It is actually flowing in this weird, organic way. You know that old saying, "When God closes a door, he opens a window?" Well, I believe it's true. But when we are so busy trying to pry the closed door open, kicking it in, yelling at it, and calling a locksmith - we miss the miracle across the room - we miss the open opportunity. But when we surrender to the natural flow of our lives, we see those open windows everywhere, we feel the fresh air pumping through our lungs, and the courage to walk through to the other side is found in the inertia of our surprise and delight!
A HUGE MAZEL MAZEL MAZEL TOV to Scott and Lauren. My kind, loyal, and beautiful friends who are now husband and wife. Two people who were sharp enough to see the open window and courageous enough to walk through it, into the unknown, together!
I love you both,