I got a job. And Cat Stevens is singing to me.
Good morning lovers,
It's not morning, but I just like saying that. It's actually 5:50 PM on the West Coast. I'm writing at a weird time of day because. dum de dum dum...I got a job! Not the kind of job of my dreams job, a job to pay the bills job. But I'm pumped! It's one to two days a week - so I still have time for my passion AND it pays really well AND I need money. I'm getting paid to write marketing letters/twitter/facebook for this wholesale artisan company that makes all this shit with spiritual images on it. Like this:
It's sort of perfect actually. The gang over there is really quirky and arty and fun. The job is easy. I can't complain. I'm blessed to have found work so easily! Yipeeeee.
A part of me struggled with this whole thing for a bit. Am I a sell out? I know I need money, but am I a failure for not being at the place where I'm getting paid enough to live off my art? Blah blah blah - what does this crappy job mean about me and my journey?
And I decided it means nothing. It means that the money I have been living off of is running out. It means it's time to make up the difference so I can eat and have a roof over my head. Artists and musicians have been doing crap jobs since the dawn of time to support themselves while they pursue their dreams. Why not me?
I know a few musicians out here who do not do an extra job. They do music. One of them is a street musician. Everyday he hangs out in subways, on street corners and the like and plays his ass off for whatever generous folks want to offer. He is hardcore. He is amazingly talented. He is a lil bit crazy, in a good way. I am not the kind of musician that is going to do that. I'm not quite sure why. I think it's not really my style. And also. I'm scared to do that. I'll go ahead and say it. The streets are not my home.
I also know some people who just sort of made it big. Kind of automatically when they moved out here. They are professional musicians. They work really hard. And they got lucky early on. Well...that's not my story...yet. So, next.
There are a few who dabble in all sorts of musical endeavors to make it work: booking, producing, playing for other folks, mixing, etc. They make their money to live off of music - it's just not 'playing music.' I think this is a good way to go, but I think it can also be very distracting and in a way take some of your passion for what you love to do away. If you are spending a lot of your waking hours doing music - but it's music stuff you don't like and don't care about - do you have passionate arty creative steam left for your most important project? Maybe.
I think it is safe to say that I feel more motivated to dedicate some real time to what I love to do after coming home from an 8 hour day doing something I don't love to do. I'm not exhausted. I have energy to spare. And I want to spend it on the things that make me happy - the pursuits I love. My creative juices are flowing and not tired and wasted on something else.
I'm pumped about this! This is going to work out. Do you ever have that feeling? That all is in divine order? The feeling that everything is just as it should be. All the ducks are in a row. All is well with the world? I feel that way right now. There is absolutely nothing I would change, to be honest. Of course there are material and romantic things I desire - but deep down I know that it is not time for those things. It is time for this moment. RIGHT NOW. And you know what I'm learning?
I have everything I need at this moment. Absolutely everything. How grateful am I for that! It feels very good to realize that there is nothing in this world you need to acquire to be ok. You just are.
So I have a 'whatever' part time job to pay the bills. So my hair is wet. So I have no boyfriend. So I haven't paid my taxes yet or filed for an extension. (that felt like TMI)
I know that what I don't have is what I don't need. And what I do have is perfect for this moment. And no matter what goes wrong, it will be ok in the end. That is abundance, folks! Let it in. It feels good.
Moving out to California to follow my dreams and commit to my music and get sober and take a chance on life was the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. Hands down.
If a crazy, inspired notion comes to you at some point in your life and your heart starts to race and you feel all excited and you have no idea where this plan came from?
just do it.
The Wind - Cat Stevens
(please listen to this song)