Getting strict, letting go, and looking for a Valentine
How are you? I'm doing pretty well. It's a rainy, cool Tuesday in Los Angeles. A little flooding. A lot of rain. I'm becoming wimpy and wanting to not venture out and about in this weather. What is happening to my hard as nails New England weather attitude? So soon we forget.
I've been working a lot lately. In a good way. Lots of writing and playing and singing and stuff like that. It feels good to have a more structured schedule. But let me tell you, it is quite the feet to force discipline on myself. I am quite an undisciplined person! I like to do whatever I want whenever I want. Needless to say, that way of living did not make me very happy. I'm sort of teaching myself how to do the things that I necessarily don't want to do because it is the right thing to do - because it is good behavior. I'm practicing good behavior and it's a beautiful thing. I'm sort of learning how to be a grown-up in a way. I wake up on time. I make my bed. I meditate. I take care of my e-mails,blog, bills, and business stuff. I take care of my body and exercise. I practice my craft. I take care of sobriety. At the end of the day I thank God for taking care of me.
It feels...really good you guys. I feel good. I feel stable. This does not mean that I have all the answers. I am pretty confused about life. Confused about the next step to take in this wacky career. Hell, I'm completely overwhelmed by it!
I recently started looking into ways to record a demo of some of my new songs and commenced to get totally freaked out by the amount of money it takes. All of a sudden, I'm in limboland. I have no idea what step to take next. Do I try to get the money together, ask folks for help, and just go for it? Do I put the recording off, considering the price as a sign that it is not time for this sort of thing? Do I keep looking into other options and hope that one of them will stick out as the right choice? I'm not sure. At this point, I have no divine inspiration concerning recording. It's all strategy. When I'm in strategy mode, I know that I'm headed into murky waters. My brain and my imagination and my problem solving is by NO MEANS as excellent and wonderful as God's. I usually cannot even imagine something as amazing as the Universe has in store. I will lead myself down winding, uncertain roads and not be very happy with the solution. At this point, I'm in action. I'm still seeking different options. I'm not closing doors. But I have to surrender the outcome. I have to sort of let it go and hope for the right answer to come. In a way, it gives me peace. When things are too difficult for us to solve, it means we don't have the answer yet. That doesn't mean it's time to 'figure it out' - it means it's time to wait. It's time to pray. It's time to be receptive to the answer. I know it will come. I just have to be patient and have faith. There is no point in blindly jumping into something that does not feel right just because I feel like I should be doing something.
Ya feel me!
So as far as the demo goes...we shall see. Stay tuned.
Talks about a new show date are going on this week, so stay tuned for that as well.
I also bought a baritone Ukulele today. It is killer. It is coming in the mail soon. So stay tuned for that!
Also, I'm currently in search of a Valentine. If you would like to step up to bat for the job. Please inquire below in comment form or e-mail me.
Tiger won't return my calls.