Farewell to 09 - How you doin, 2010?
Happy New Year everyone!
It's a great time to be alive! Not for any specific reason. I guess it always is! But here we are starting off a new decade of life. Who knows what will happen in the next 10 years. 10 years ago there was no facebook. How did we even survive? LOL.
I'm excited about this year. There is a lot of new stuff going on for me. I have no idea where I will be in the next 10 months, let alone 10 years - and there is something wildly comforting in that. All I know is that I am taken care of and loved. All I know is that if I have love in my life and if I give of myself to others, everything will be ok. I am seriously, by complete necessity and humility, going to take this next year ONE DAY AT A TIME. Screw year long resolutions! This is not just a cheesy slogan. It is a for real way to revolutionize the way one lives. It's changing everything for me. I was someone who got so wrapped up in fantasy and fear about the future that it paralyzed me. There was nothing manageable about a projected life. It was completely overwhelming. There is something so simple and triumphant about conquering each day as it comes. Not to mention the joys of being aware of the ups and downs - the brilliant beauty - and the everyday miracles that happen around you on a daily basis. When your mind is racing towards the future or stuck in the past - good luck enjoying the here and now.
2010 is happening right now. You don't need to wonder what it will be like because it IS. How fantastic is that!
To completely contradict my euphoric urge to stay in the moment, I would like to take a look back at what my life was like on New Years Eve 1999. So much has changed - and in the last 6 months, I'm finding that I'm stripping away a lot of the armor I have collected over the last 10 years and revealing a version of myself that is much closer to the Fran I would have hoped to be a decade ago.
On NYE 1999 I was a senior at State College Area High School. I was approaching graduation. I was in a flailing relationship with my first love. I was struggling between my urges to be the perfect Christian daughter and party like it was 1999 - LITERALLY. I was completely obsessed with musical theater and choral performance. I was on a one track train to Broadway. I was an all A student. I had low self-esteem and thought that my worth lay in the quality of my performance and the frequency of the applause. I was searching. I got very drunk that night. To this day it is still one of those drunks I remember as "the good ole days". It was never that fun or that innocent again - that's for sure.
Throughout the next 10 years I struggled to find myself. Wow. It has been a roller coaster. Whoever said your 20s are the best years of your life had issues.
Now I am emerging from the other side on New Years Day 2010. I am back on track towards a career in musical performance - a track that I abandoned my sophomore year of College. I have redefined my faith and found a spiritual life that is very meaningful and personal to me. I have quit drinking and partying after 10 years of overindulgence and apathy. I am finding a self worth that comes from a spiritual center rather than outside approval. I did not get drunk last night. I saw the Boston Pops and Amanda Palmer with my brother, one of my best friends. As the balloons dropped from the ceiling and we rattled our noise makers - I turned to Jesse, "Hey Jess, I think this is OUR year." He said, "Yea. We are L'n the D in Two Thousand T." We laughed and high fived. (L'n the D - means livin the dream, btw). Keep up.
I really do feel as if we are L'n the D. I'm so happy to live in LA with my brother. To walk side by side with him as we venture into this crazy world of professional entertainment. It is a jungle. But it is also a joy! I am walking towards the next decade with a clear head, a clear conscience, and a focused life. The naivety and career fantasies I held when I was 18 have been traded for a little bit of wisdom and a lot of faith - in my abilities and in God. You can't get much better than that!
So 2010 is happening. It's pretty good so far. I dig it.
I'm excited to start the year off right with some live music - so if any of you reading this are in the Boston area, Come on down to the Plough and Stars in Cambridge on Saturday night, Jan 2. We will toast the New Year, move our bodies to some good ole Americana music, and you can even grab yourself the newest Dave Aaronoff and The Protagonists album, "Legless"! We start playing at 10 and I would LOVE to see you there!
In closing. This was a special treat last night at the Pops. Famed author Neil Gaimen, who is also dating Amanda Palmer, came out to read a special poem for 2010. I agree.
All my lovin