Cuddling up with the perfect Saturday
Good weekend, luvs.
I am very content at this very moment -- sitting in my favorite coffee shop, next to one of my favorite people (Jesse Betlyon), on my laptop, listening to Aretha Franklin, drinking coffee and munching on a brownie. Could a Saturday afternoon in Los Angeles be any sweeter?
I'm having such a torrid love affair with life lately. One minute I'm head over heels, freaking out about how lovely every breath is, the next I'm crying and hating the feeling of existence. I think I'm going through growing pains or something. I am facing life head on - sober - and doing this weird dance with it. Like, "Hi, I know you. I like you, but I sort of want to back away from you and exit from reality like the good ole days." I'm not use to sticking with the dance till the song is over. I usually find a shiny light or some sort of way to escape the commitment of a fully engaged existence. It's equally rewarding and difficult. I think what is really happening is that my character is building, my resolve is strengthening, my will power is blowing up, and my faith has had a serious make-over. I am humbled and bolstered at the same time. I have realized that left to my own devices I would be selfish, self-destructive, and on my way to potential oblivion. Without surrendering control, without realizing that there is a greater power at work in my life - and that is the one I can trust - I would get nowhere. It is quite ironic that after admitting 'my way' is the sucky way - after realizing that my meddling is completely psychotic - I am learning to trust myself all over again. I am learning how to be on my side again. It's really nice.
I wrote a song recently about being invisible. It's hard to explain, but I really love it. I played it for my voice teacher - and she was very moved. She expressed something I have heard from a few people in the past couple months about an aspect of my voice and writing style that is very childlike and innocent - vulnerable. She thinks it is like the voice of a small child. She thought it would be funky to make some sort of cartoon video series to some of these kiddy songs - sort of market them as like a sesame street learning tool/ hipster thing. I thought that was a really cool idea. I could have a little frannie character running around and getting into scrapes and singing about being insecure and stuff. How much fun! All I need is an animator/visionary artist who wants to work with me. WHO ARE YOU? Where are you? Find me, please. I'll be on the look out for you.
Also, today I went to my first 'sample sale.' I believe this is a very LA thing. It was at some woman's house in Echo Park. There were a few racks set up with absolutely amazing clothing for cheap cheap cheap prices. All innovative designers - including one of my new friends. I had fun trying on the clothes and finding some very hip pieces. It sure beats my usual clothing finds at Target! Maybe some day after living out here for awhile I will actually look hip and cool. I would really love that. Walking on the streets of LA is like being in a fashion show. People are amazingly good looking and effortlessly fashionable here. It's inspiring - and fun that I met such an amazing designer/stylist to help me out of my generic/cheap clothes rut!
Alright, I am going to finish off this brownie. My brother and I are going to see a play about Edgar Allen Poe tonight! Very excited. Hope you are all enjoying your Saturday. It is cloudy and chilly here, GASP!
"When I Grow Up" - Fever Ray ( I think I've highlighted this song before, but love, so deal)
Thank you for:
1. comfy sweaters
2. creative ideas
3. soul singers
4. supportive friends