This is the day
I only have about 2.4 seconds to blog today, but I wanted to get something out into the cyber air. Life is good. I feel good, healthy, happy, creative, and hopeful. I am celebrating 30 days today without poison in my body - and let me tell you - it is NOT overrated. It feels fantastic. I'm writing more, I'm caring more about the people around me, I feel more authentic and less distracted, and I don't always feel as if I'm coming down or on my way up. I feel steady. No wonder I've always admired monks. They know what they are doing. This sober living thing really does clear you out. There is a lot more space in your life for good when you are not clouding up every situation with distraction and substances. Don't get me wrong -- there have been some pretty intense chocolate times this past month and even some ciggs here and there to get by -- but I'm HUMAN. If you didn't notice already. If I learn ANYTHING from stopping drinking it is this phrase: progress not perfection.
I have wanted to have the perfect life my whole life. I have strived to be the best or wanted to be the best - and given up because I couldn't be - in so many situations. My desire to earn love by how perfectly I can go about the tasks of my life - has literally sent me down a scary spiral many times. I have rejected so many jobs, situations, people, and ideas because they weren't perfect. You know what you're left with when you are constantly striving for perfection? Nothing and no one. Nothing can live up.
Learning to accept what IS in the day, in this moment. Saying that it is good enough and striving to act out of kindness and compassion whenever possible is what sobriety is about for me today. I don't have to be the best. I don't have to make this night the BEST NIGHT EVER. He doesn't have to be THE PERFECT GUY. I don't have to be the BEST SINGER IN THE WORLD. But staying with it. Not escaping or trying to make the moment something that it is not - that is the art of living. It may not be the perfect day - but it's the only day we have. We might as well enjoy it. We might as well be present in it. We might as well breathe. It is a gift. And once we learn to accept this day with humility and a clear mind, body and spirit - we realize that it is the most beautiful and perfect gift we have ever received.
I'm so grateful today!
Moment of Fran Zen:
"This is the Day" - The The
"I celebrate myself, and sing myself" - Walt Whitman