Revealing another piece of the pie.

Good morning Kitty,

Guess what? It's FRIDAY! Yippidydoooooo! Take a load off! It's time for R & R. Hell yes.

I have had a pretty productive week. I wrote two new songs - hallelujah, thank you God! I thought that I had entered into a dry spell, so that feels pretty rad. I applied to a Nashville Songwriting competition, SXSW music festival in Austin, and sent in submissions to a radio station that only plays "Women of Substance". I played out and cultivated some connections.

I went out and heard my mentor and inspiration sing Jacques Brel songs. She is divine and beautiful and such a soul sister! Here we are:

Rona, Mary, Amanda McBroom, and me.

There is something else I would like to reveal and bare with me. I would like to share that I have not consumed any alcohol or drugs for 25 days. This is a record I believe I have not reached since I was about 19.

I was not going to blog about my mission to 'get clean' for a lot of reasons, group. First of all, we all know that this is a very personal, private journey. It's something that you might not want the world to 'weigh' in on. For anyone who has ever suffered some sort of addiction or problem with a substance - they know that there is no one else on the planet who can quite understand their experience with it. But I feel like if I can't be honest and stripped down in my blog - it loses it's flavor. This is what is going on with me - so I'm sharing it.

Many of you out there might be saying 'Fran doesn't have a problem with booze?' or 'Here we go again, Fran's on another diet craze!' Some of you might be saying, 'Finally! I was a little worried about her sometimes.' Either way - it became very clear to me recently that I had a problem. The problem is that at certain times in my life - and they are pretty regular - I decide I need to 'let loose.' I need to say 'fuck it.' I feel as if I have worked and tried hard enough to be good and be perfect and be everything to everyone and I say, "It's time to party." What happens after that is a complete loss of control. I know I've had some REALLY good times with a lot of you! Funny, hilarious, pee your pants type of fun nights that involved drinking. But, this is not always the case. I would like to just share with the general public that I am completely aware that my life is a gift. I have been black out wasted with strangers in strange lands. Many times. The fact that I am alive is somewhat of a miracle. The most recent time - which actually happened out here in LA - it was quite possible that I was going to experience the reality of the movie "Knocked Up". If you haven't seen it and tend to drink a lot and hook up - WATCH IT. It will scare the living shit out of you.

I have come to realize that I have a lot to live for. Those of you who have been reading this blog know that I have entered into a new phase of my life. I have abandoned the old ways of fear and hiding - and I'm out there singing - trying to make a career out of what I love and have loved my whole life. I feel as if finally I have something going for me that is too important to fuck up for one night of 'FUN.' I did not want to be that statistic - that person who had so much going for her and ended up pregnant, with a disease, in jail or dead. I know that sounds crazy dramatic. And it is. I don't want the drama anymore. NO MO DRAMA. I'm not willing to sacrifice anything for a party anymore. Nope. It's not going to happen. Have you ever driven drunk? I have. How lucky am I that I didn't kill myself or someone else in that car. Am I willing to test fate and God and life to the limit? Not quite. I'm pretty sure that my luck will run out. And I'm just sharing this with ya'll because I want you to know that I'm not leaving my life up to chance anymore. It might mean that I can't enjoy a sweet glass of red with you - but you better believe I will be present and joyfully engaging in life - and that's all I can ask for.

It's funny because I actually found this doc when I was re-stalking STEVE-O. It looks like he got clean too. Maybe it's possible to live life a different way - even when it seems impossible. Even when your whole career and persona is based on getting wasted. Getting drunk is what made Steve-o famous and rich! But drugs and alcohol almost killed him. And he stopped.

I'm sure it seemed absolutely insane and impossible to stay abstinent. To never pick up a drink. And to be honest, it seems that way for me too. But I'm just living in today going - what if I don't? What if I don't drink today? Hmmmmm. Who knows what could happen then! And maybe it's not impossible. And maybe it is extreme - but so is dying young.

I love ya'll. Thanks for letting me blog about my life and not making fun of me, at least to my face. Thanks for not judging me if I eff this up. I'm just trying to live my life the best I can. And thanks for reading. oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

the moment of fran zen:

"One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time." ~Lady Astor


  1. Congratulations and keep with it. I just hit 9 years last month, and I did many crazy stupid things when I drank. It took a DUI for me to stop drinking, and I'm very lucky that I didn't kill anyone.

    It helps that you have a way to channel your feelings in an expressive way, through this blog, and your music. Some of the most moving music comes from dealing with the struggles of life.

  2. THANK YOU David. And congrats to you! It's good to know we're not alone.

  3. Utterly wonderful. I made a similar move in Casper, Wyoming, and can testify that the West is a good place for new starts. It'll be 25 years in February. Your path will be wondrously your own, with me and many others simply saying, "Yes!"

  4. Thank you, Len. There is something magical going on out here! 25 years! I'm so lucky to have your support. Thanks.


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