What comes first The Single Songs or The Single Life?

Good morning folks,

I've been sitting in a Starbucks since 5:30am. Apparently Rite Aid and Walgreen's aren't open 24 hours in shitty neighborhoods in LA, so I found myself here at the butt crack of dawn. My street is closed from 6am to 6pm, so I really had no choice. Meaning, I figured it was too much of a hassle to park my car on another street and walk back to my place last night. What has LA done to me!

But that is not what I want to blog about this morning. I've been thinking about what comes first. The chicken or the egg. And not in the universal essence of everything kind of way. I mean in this way. Do you write ridiculous songs about stupid dating experiences and THEN become single for long periods of time, or are you single for long periods of time and THEN write quirky dumb songs about your experience.

In the process of turning one's experience into art - does one BECOME the art? Does the experience begin to define them? Does the art become life?

Like if I'm 2Pac, the real guy, not the hologram, and I'm writing songs about how I'm going to die young - is that pretty much why I die young?

Because if so, that SUCKS! And I need to start writing songs about how in love I am and how me and my man are going to be together forever and how we're so inlove that I even love the smell of his armpit.

As you all may or may not have noticed, I write songs about love a lot. When I'm in love, I have no problem writing songs about that feeling and it's great! Here is one of those songs, click on it! The download is free:

I've Got a Love

But the thing is most of the time, I'm single. And I write songs about what I'm experiencing. Disappointment, hilarious dates, romantic interludes with sweets, getting stood up, etc.

Here is one of those songs

These songs are a great comfort to me and to my audience I think as well. I perform them out live and we all have a good laugh at our shared experience. Or we all have a good laugh at my expense. I'm not sure which one it is, but I'm pretty sure it's a knowing laugh. We've all been there. But do I stay there longer because I'm creating these lasting pieces of music on the youtubes? Are the songs becoming my identity?

Am I that snarky, quirky girl who has a silly take on love that will never find love so I can keep writing those kinds of songs? BARF! I'll get so bored of that. And I think you will too. Are we already bored of that?

I'm ready to write another love album. I was falling in love/in love when I wrote a lot of The Casio Tapes. The same goes for the period I was writing half of the songs on my demo. Love inspires writers! It always has. But I guess so does pain.

But here's the thing. I just haven't been writing much lately. I need some fodder. Some love fodder. And I don't feel desperate for a boyfriend. I guess I just want to shake my inner artist up! I need a muse! ... After listening to my songs, what poor sap would volunteer for that job?! Um, no one. But that is one of the trade offs of dating a songwriter. You get to be a muse, you get to be immortalized in song, and you also might not really enjoy that experience in the end. sorry!

But back to my point. Which comes first. I think, therefore I am. Or I am, therefore I think. I'm single because I write single girl folk songs, or I write single girl folk songs because Im single at the moment.

I think I'm going to go with the latter. Art reflects life. And sometimes it's the other way around. But in general, if you are living in the moment, you are reacting to your experience not creating it. I would like to think that I'm that powerful to rule the winds and all, but I know I'm not. The Secret lied. We do not create our existence. But we definitely create our experience of reality. Which is where the art comes in to save the day, actually!

ART redefines our experience of what is! It can make the dull look crazy beautiful. It can make the most painful experience light and happy! For me it takes my perspective on shit and gives it a 180. Here is the perfect example.

I met this guy in Santa Fe last year who I was totally into right off the bat. It was one of those very lustful meetings. Our eyes met and I felt it in my groin. It was very "Fifty Shades of Grey." We liked each other. But of course, I lived in LA and he lived in Santa Fe. So we skyped and sort of had some fantasy about getting together and my obsessive mind totally ran with it and to our wedding day. I was convinced this guy was like IT! Well, we never ended up coming together. Of course. He sort of fell off the face of the planet and then we ran into each other in an airport and I thought it was fate and then he stood me up. TWICE. I was sort of heart broken. But I managed to talk about it with my friends and make A LOT of fun of him, which made the hurt a little less. This guy was obsessed with...TIBET. And yoga. And trail running. So here you go. My dear friend Lauren sat down and wrote out some hilarious lyrics for me, I wrote the tune, we collaborated on smushing them together, and we laughed our asses off! And voila! My pain was morphed into a delightful song! And now whenever I think of this guy, I'm reminded of the song more than the experience, and I LAUGH. That is art creating a new reality. A reality that I love and enjoy.

Here is the song. And I guess I just answered my own question. I doesn't really matter which one comes first. I'm just grateful that the songs I write LAST and last, and the pain of the experience never does. :)