MTV here I come! I've got a music video so WATCH IT!
How is everyone tonight? In need of a little pick me up, a little "inspo" as I call inspiration? Well my fabulous new friend and film student Jordan Riggs has created a beautiful music video for my song "My Angel" off of my 2005 pop debut album, The Casio Tapes. We filmed this in a few hours in the backyard at my little brother's house in Ventura, California. Who knew so much beauty could exist in one little fenced in strip of grass - the flowers, the hummingbird, the butterfly, the palm trees, the sunshine! Jordan captured the moment beautifully. I hope you all enjoy my first venture into music video land! Click here!
Me with Jordan Riggs - my talented video director and soon to be Hollywood hotshot!
Alana Fickes - my brother's girlfriend, my video stylist and makeup artist, and the fabulous creative soul who is filming a documentary about me.
The boys set up for the shoot.
This song is dedicated in loving memory of my grandmother Genivieve Betlyon. I was singing to her when she passed onto the good life with God. It was the most precious experience of my life. I know with all my heart that she is with me day to day and I hope that she is enjoying my venture into professional music as much as I am. We used to love singing together. I guess we still do.
The experience of shooting was very good for me. Although I am a complete ham on stage - love being in front of hundreds of people - I am not the most comfortable person in front of a camera. It feels a little phoney to me or something and the shitty thing about a camera is that it doesn't applaud. I probably performed "My Angel" 20 times during this shoot and did not get a lick of audience approval. I"m such a whore for it. If I don't get my clap or laugh or moment of silent listening - I don't know what to do with myself! But I began to just embrace the different art form - I began playing with the camera, playing with the situation, living in the moment and living it up! Actually the camera is probably a lot less judgemental than an audience, I 'm just less used to it's creepy eye on me. I think I will be getting more and more used to it in the next month or so. Alana has also been filming various parts of my life and will be accompanying me on a few social outings this week for her documentary. I have to learn to just ignore that little black lense that is staring at me and live life unabashed. It's a good exercise for a closet insecure image obsessed artist like me. I need to be able to face my image on screen and say, "Ok, that's me. That's what I look like when I sing. That's what I look like when I smile. I'm ok with that. That's me. And actually if God made me, I must be beautiful." It sounds so obvious and trivial, but to me it will be a huge step to come to truly face all of my quirks and actually celebrate them on screen, stage, print, etc. Afterall the most famous faces are odd and the most beautiful people are not perfect. But to actually live self love on a daily basis is no easy task - and it's even harder when your image and talents are out in the open all the time for public consumption. This is a personal behavior that the most successful artists and singers must have mastered at some point - self acceptance. I get closer everyday - and being blessed to see art created through a talented filmaker's lense that includes your image - and see that it is beautiful - is truly a blessing.
I feel lucky - and vulnerable. And that's going to have to be ok for tonight.