Fran Betlyon - The Blog

It's 2012! Nothing's gonna stop us now!

2011-12-31T18:21:00.000-08:00

Happy Effing New Year!

It's 9:21pm eastern standard time. I'm in my pajamas on my grandparents' couch, belly full of homemade hor'dourves and treats I made with my mom, heart full of laughs and stories from the family board games, body and eyes tired from the day. I'm pretty much ready for bed. A lot may not change in a year, but a lot changes over the years. That's for damn sure! A few years ago I wouldn't have been caught dead on a couch at 9:21pm on New Year's Eve, and if I was, I was either passed out or feeling horribly sorry for myself. Tonight I am neither of those things. I'm just content. I feel grateful and pretty happy...and older. I feel older. I guess that is a given with each coming year, we will age. Hopefully we'll learn something new. But we will most definitely get a few more wrinkles and aches & pains. Tonight, I'm ok with that, because I don't feel as dumb as I used to be. Amen.

I was sitting across from my 80 year old grandparents tonight. They've lived through 80 New year's eve celebrations. I asked them which one was the most memorable. They didn't bat an eye. They both had the same answer, without a doubt, 1947. I asked what they were doing that night, way back when. They had been invited to an old navy friend's party in Newton, MA. Pa knew the guy from the war, but neither of them knew any of the other people at the party. His date, Lois, my Bre, didn't know anyone either, so they decided to sit out on the front porch and talk. They sat out there all night long, falling in love, and dreaming about their future together. They hoped they would have a nice house with a porch like his friend's someday. Everything seemed possible. They were starkly awake and intoxicated with each other and their dreams. Soon after that, they got married, and 65 years later, here they are cozied up next to each other, just as in love as ever. Maybe not as optimistic and naive, but still as sweet on each other and as hopeful as they were that night in 1947.

We played the board game Apples to Apples and they couldn't help but choose each other's cards, over and over. They got a kick out of it. How they're brains work the same way. How much they enjoy helping the other win. I truly believe the dreams that they had that night in 1947 came true. It's awesome.

I may not be on a porch counting the stars and falling in love tonight, but I feel just as hopeful. I feel that the future is bright! I have hopes and dreams, and I finally know what they are. I have a vision of what I would like my life to be, and it makes me happy. That's progress. The future looks mighty grand when you've learned who you are and have decided to get out of your own way! Literally nothing is impossible in 2012. NOTHING! I don't believe that the universe is here to serve my beck & call, but I believe that it is not standing in my way. I am the only thing that can do that, and I'm over that game.

2012 can be the year that the stars align. Why not? What's stopping them?

It could also be the year that shit hits the fan. Why not? What's stopping it!

But either way, I can meet the new year with hope in my heart. I can be open to new experiences. I can give up my old ideas and habits and meet the dawn like a 19 year old on a porch step, falling in love for the first time, anticipating the adventure of the coming year!

An open letter to Santa. by Fran Betlyon

2011-12-09T09:27:00.001-08:00

Dear Santa,

It's been a long time since we talked. I'm sorry about that. I'm 30 now, and I sort of stopped believing in you like...20 years ago. I was pretty hurt back then when I found out you were not real. It seriously messed up my shit for awhile. I was like, wait, what about the Easter bunny? Tooth fairy? God????? Anyway, I've been through a lot since then, and I've sort of come to my senses. You're real as shit, and I've been really good this year, and I want a lot of stuff!

I know what you're thinking, there were those couple of fights with my siblings, a few white lies here and there, TONS of complaining and swearing sprinkled in. But let's get real, Santa, I did awesome this year! I know your elves would agree. So here is my list of things, not necessarily in order, that I am requesting for Christmas. This work/reward idea is brilliant! I've worked my ass off to be a good person - so it's time to reap the benefits! Here we go, Santa. Settle in with some cookies and a glass of room temp milk, cuz it's a long one.

1. I want all of my bills to be paid, come Christmas morning - this includes car PAID OFF and back taxes from last year.

2. An entirely new wardrobe specifically suited for my environment, job, social life, and current trends

3. A new car without scratches from past drunk & tired driving side swipes

4. Cleaning service for a year

5. To meet, marry, and procreate with a wonderful, hot man who does not interfere with my life in any way whatsoever

6. My songs to be picked up for a publishing deal and placed in various awesome and trendy shows, movies, and commercials

7. To fall into a lot of money because of said placements and be able to do whatever I want whenever I want ALL THE TIME

8. To be super fit and sporty and hot without any fat on my tummy or upper arms

9. For all of my family to live close by, but somehow not be in each other's business

10. For all of my friends to have success and love - all in the same year - all at the same time

(while I'm having it too)

11. HEALTH INSURANCE

12. A trip to India

13. A trip to Italy

14. A trip to England

15. A trip to France

16. A trip to Hawaii

17. A trip to Antarctica (Where you live)

18. A cute dog exactly like my former Dog, Dolly, but who doesn't shit, piss or whine

19. A disease free family - healthy, happy, and living forever!

20. A peaceful world

21. Socks that never get lost ( this can be a stocking stuffer)

22. Confidence and compassion

23. The ability to play AMAZING guitar and piano

24. A new coffee pot

25. Sessions with a life coach who knows exactly the right decisions for me to make at exactly the right times and helps me go through with it

26. Cadbury chocolate

Thank you so much for reading my list, Santa. I always thought it was really cool that you took the time to sit down and read and care about what each little child in the world desired. I know my heart was warmed as a kid knowing that I was cared for so unconditionally. I realize you may not be able to do any of these things for me. I'm a realist. I'm an adult. These are some pretty crazy and out there requests. But you're fucking Santa!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

I'll be waiting up on Christmas Eve. I've never caught you before, but I'm a freaking grown up now, so you better be sneaky, because I'm going to have all the spy gear and bases covered! And I'm going to leave you home made cookies and organic milk - and some coffee, cause I get it, you're tired!

I love you Santa. Have a Merry Christmas. And thanks for listening.

-Fran

From Woodstock to Occupy Wall Street. Where do I fit in?

2011-11-18T10:16:00.001-08:00

When I was 11 years old, I made a discovery. I had found a book in my mom's library called "Hippies." It had cool flowers on the cover and bubble writing. She had owned it since the early 70s. I was immediately intrigued. The book was kind of boring and hard for me to understand, but I had a new obsession. Hippies. Who were these people? What were they about? How can I become one?

I rented "Woodstock: 3 days of Peace and music.." If you have never seen this documentary, you are dead to me. Go rent it right now. In fact, I have an extra copy of the DVD. You can have it. WATCH IT. It's not only a beautiful film, it's a poignant moment in time. Everyone involved in that project believed in the same thing: Peace, love, and music.

I fell in love instantly. I watched the movie over and over again. I started quoting it nonstop, "I mean we ball and everything, but we're just friends." I asked my mom to buy me a guitar. I made tye-dye shirts and had a hippie themed birthday party. I got the 25 year anniversary Box Set with all the CDs and listened to them non stop. I learned every single lyric to "Joe Hill" by Joan Baez and made my family listen to every verse acapella in the living room. I didn't even know what that protest song was about. What's a union? But I didn't care. It was the music. That music! And the culture. There was something so innocent and optimistic about it. People who really believed they could change the world. People who sort of ran free and picked flowers and bathed naked in lakes and slid down muddy hills. I wanted this sort of freedom. I wanted to be a folk singer. And I definitely wanted to be a hippie. I started burning incense. (I still do, btw.)

My dad and step mom loved that. (NOT)

I would be burning incense and listening to Melanie sing "Beautiful People" on repeat. A parent would barge in the door, "Do you know these people are on drugs!" Yes, I did. And I thought they were the coolest people ever.

I quickly started wondering, where were my parents during Woodstock? What they hell were they doing that they couldn't make it to the coolest thing that ever happened during their youth. So Mom and Dad, where were you during Woodstock? They were studying or some bullshit. Like preparing for their future and whatnot! My Dad was at Harvard and my mom was at Welsley and they wore turtlenecks and corduroy blazers and read poetry and smoked pipes and sang in choirs. They were preppy nerds. Woodstock was not on their radar. They really didn't give a shit.

How could this be? I thought as a teen. How lame are my parents! Where is their passion! Where is their sense of adventure! Why aren't they cool!!!!

I am now 3o years young, and in retrospect I understand my parents more and more. In the wake of Occupy Wall street and the uprising of youth all over the country, I feel a little removed from the whole situation. I'm less of a hippie and more of a square. I'm experiencing what it is like to have a life during times of great social unrest and uprising. Sometimes the people are over there on another street protesting and you're over here, doing your job and writing songs. Even in a culture where we are so connected all the time on the internet - where news travels at the speed of light, and opinions are shared like wildfire - it's easy to feel disconnected to the pulse. I watch the Occupy videos online and read the updates on Huffingtonpost and such, but I don't relate. i don't even really have an opinion about it. And I don't know why. I'm a hippie at heart for goshsakes! Why aren't I running downtown to carry a banner and pass out daisys and sing "Joe Hill"?

Maybe it's narcissism. Or denial. Maybe it's over my head. Maybe I'm scared of the mobs, or I don't want to deal with parking. Maybe I'm jaded and don't believe that any of this will actually make a difference for our country or any of us who are struggling financially. Maybe I have other things to do, like figure out how to pay my bills and get my hair done on a dime. Maybe I'm just shallow. Who knows. I guess I'm part of the 99%. I dont have health insurance, I can't afford my taxes. But I come from a well to do family. I could get bailed out in a heart beat if I asked, and I do sometimes. Maybe it's that I feel I'm related to the 1% by blood and therefore, there isn't a place for me in all this. But it's about injustice. It's about unfair distribution of wealth. I understand that. I just don't know what to do about it! And maybe I don't care enough. I feel awful writing that.

Doesn't everyone want to be a part of history? Being a part of a movement is so intoxicating. I think that's why half the people are there in the parks and squares, sleeping in tents. Group mentality can feel very powerful and it's nice to get swept along in it. We all are just looking for a purpose in life. Hoping that in some way our little lives will matter. Maybe our voice will be heard.

So maybe that's why I'm content to go about with my life without occupying the streets. I feel I know what I'm here to do. And I do it. I feel my purpose coursing through my veins. So maybe I'm not a hippie at heart, like I thought. But I am a folk singer. And I can write a song. And that can be my contribution. I just need to do a little observation to get some fodder. So...

That being said, If anyone in LA is interested, a part of me wants to go check out the front lines. So that when my kids say, where were you during Occupy Wall Street??? Why the hell weren't you there? I can say, "I was, bitches! And this is what happened." Wrote a song about it, wanna hear it, here it goes!

Star Wars meets a 4 year old feminist!

2011-10-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hello there,

I felt the urge to write today. So I made a pot of coffee, I'm eating a really gross peach yogurt from Ralphs, and listening to the buzz of the dishwasher. I'm not quite sure how to collect my thoughts on the topic that's inhabiting a lot of space in my mind. Isn't funny how sometimes the things we think about the most are the hardest to explain?

I'll start with what's happened outside of my brain, and go from there. I'm teaching a class this semester called "Grease Meets Star Wars." And yes, it's as awesome as it sounds! I basically wrote a mash up musical of the two classic stories and I'm now directing the show with some amazingly hilarious and enthusiastic 4-6 year old all stars. All they really want to do is dress up in the costumes and run around and play pretend...but really, isn't that what acting is all about anyway? They're learning the songs and begrudgingly learning the lines one at a time. Ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong!

Most of the kids in the class are boys. Smelly, dirty, hilarious, fart-loving boys. Seriously, I have never heard so many unabashed, live out loud, fart sounds in my whole life - and I grew up with 5 brothers. I guess that's what being a little boy is all about! Then, I have two little girls. One who is blond and loves wearing pink and only pink. And one who has wild curly black hair, batman shoes, dirty knees, and dresses like one of the guys. For purposes of this blog, I'll call her Emma. I could tell from day one that Emma wanted to do all the things the boys did. She liked to pretend punch & kick and knew all about the Star Wars series! Her favorite character was Luke Skywalker. But when it came time to cast the show, Emma was my strongest leading lady. She has a beautiful voice, great acting skills, and I knew she would make one KICK ASS Princess Leia. So, I cast her as Leia, and waited to see how it went over.

It didn't go over that well. Her mother had some issues with the tone of the script and the motives of Leia's character. She felt it sent the wrong kind of messages to her daughter about what a strong woman is. I had mashed up Sandy from Grease with Leia from Star Wars - so it was a mixture of two different classic female characters - ones that you often meet in fairy tales and contemporary fiction. These are the damsels in distress and sexy, bad ass rebels. Whether they're kicking ass, using their sex appeal to get what they want, or innocently waiting to be saved, they know what they want, and what they want is a man - to love them, to notice them, to save them. They dress, speak, and act for a singular purpose - get a guy. Just look at them!

Our show is obviously a new take on the stories. Princess Leia steals the evil blueprints for the death star in an attempt to win Han's attention. She gets captured by Darth Vader, and Luke & Han & crew sweep in to save her.

Unknowingly, I had stripped Leia of a lot of her bad-ass, rebel, in your face, I don't need a man-ness, and replaced it with Sandy's weak, pretty-girl, hope-lessly devoted-ness. The character was dependent on a man in everyway.

Needless to say, I changed the script. Leia steals the prints for the Rebel Forces! Quickly puts any guy in their place if they try to tell her she needs to be saved. We made her bad ass again.

I put myself in that mom's shoes. Do I want my daughter, when I have one, to grow up feeling as if the only motivation in life to succeed is to win the favor of a heroic man? No, I don't! In many ways, is that what I was brought up to believe? .... yes.

How can you escape this message? I give the mother props for protecting her daughter's psyche and allowing her to be as bad ass and butch as possible. But pick up any book from any period of time, watch any film, check out any tv show, and what you will find are women characters - strong, weak, ugly, pretty, smart, dumb, young, old - searching for that pot of gold - A MAN. I have never truly realized how HUGE this is ingrained into me until now. Just take the most iconic female centric TV show of the past 10 years, Sex in the City. The entire show was about strong, smart independent women with money - who can't talk about anything else but trying to find a man. WTF!

Men have such different measures of success. They look for paychecks, education, jobs, living situations, muscles, notches on their bedpost. But for women, really, what is the measure of our success? Is a woman ever going to be truly considered successful until she lands a good man? I wonder. Isn't what we value most in women, still to this day, in 2011, their looks and their marital status.

Where does that leave us women? Because we can achieve all kinds of success on our own. We can have careers, education, homes, babies, masterpieces, health, spiritual growth, and more. On our own. And yet, without a man, we are still somehow missing the mark. But we still live in a society with antiquated traditions around dating - men do the asking, men pay, men propose, etc. So we are still damsels in distress. Breathlessly waiting in a tower for our princes.

Well, this conditioned mental state has caused me a lot of pain. And I'm done with it. It's over! On a spiritual level alone, I can no longer live my life thinking that something OUTSIDE of my heart and soul will make me happy or worthwhile. My worth cannot come from a man. My joy cannot come from some arbitrary circumstance! Who has the time or patience to wait around for happiness anyway?!

Getting hitched is no longer a given, ladies. Men & women are all sorts of mixed up about how to get together these days. We are no longer forced to marry because of economic or social standards. So maybe we won't.

But we MUST find a way to live - happy, joyous, and free - with or without a man! We are not missing a piece of our body. We are whole and complete. WE are the heroes of our own lives! WE do the saving. WE do the loving. WE can make ourselves feel beautiful. WE can make our dreams come true. And WE can learn how to love and choose a wonderful partner when the time is right.

But I'll say it once for me and again for you. My worth is not dependent on my ability to snag a man. My worth is intrinsic. It is and always will be.

So Leias be damned, and Sandra-dees can take a hike! We need a new model. We need a new heroine for 2011. If you know of any - authors, singers, film makers, activists, etc. - women - who are smashing this old stereotype and living with a new purpose in mind- send them my way!

I'm reading an awesome book right now by one of these women called "Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress" by Susan Jane Gilman. This is from the author as the introduction: I've written this book, in part, because it seems that all of us could use a good laugh these days. Yet I've also written it because so many of the stories women are currently telling are all about getting a man. Or about getting over a man. Or about getting laid. Or about not getting laid. Or about not getting laid and not getting a man, but deciding we're okay with it.

Having spent criminal amounts of time sleeping with inappropriate men myself, then bragging about it, I love hearing about other people's romantic and sexual ineptitude as much as the next person. Yet ultimately, there's so much more to women's lives that's worthy of attention and ridicule...It's my hope that these "coming of age" stories will make readers laugh, and prove once and for all that a girl doesn't need a guy in her life in order to act like a complete idiot. Certainly I, at least, never have."

Here are two young ladies living the dream! I'm sure tons of you have seen this. I can safely say neither of them have a man on the brain. It's all about the joy of being a woman. LIVE LOUD AND PROUD, LADIES!

Practice being happy! : )

2011-09-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

Life is beautiful. There is so much to be grateful for. So why do I spend so much time thinking about the things I don't have! Taking some time to be happy about what I've got is a great way to practice being happy. Happy doesn't come natural to all of us. I know it's been a very fleeting state for me personally. It comes and goes and I often feel like I'm a victem of Happy's whims. But being happy is a choice. It's a spiritual practice. People aren't just struck happy, like they are struck by lightning. Happy people are taking happy actions.

When you realize that you want the things you have - and focus on what those things are - you are much more likely to experience this happy state. So I'm gonna try it out. I'm going to be grateful for some stuff today.

Here goes.

I'm grateful for these things:

LOVE prayer GOD meditation

my family! having a job

singing!!!! iced coffee bright colors

fishtail braids! funny tv shows

best friends cute men. LAUGHTER

my watch! learning patience...

giving back

indie music! ukuleles! living in california

healthy lifestyle. second chances words, books

fun silverlake coffe shops to blog/work in

being creative. thinking and then not thinking.

dreams hopes hiccups opportunities

surprises paperback novels

new clothes movie popcorn with butter

living life!!!!!!

DOUBLE RAINBOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing to complain about.

2011-09-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

Morning luvs,

It's been a while, so I wanted to say hello. I'm sitting in my apartment at 9:35 am. It's an overcast morning, not that rare for Los Angeles. But somehow it still feels bright. I almost have to squint at the light streaming in from the balcony windows. The Socal sky is weird that way.

I'm transitioning out of a huge transition lately, and it's pretty much exhausting. But growing always is. I think anything in life that is too easy, maybe isn't worth our time. I'm learning all sorts of new skills, life lessons, and a new occupation: music/theater teacher. It requires a whole new set of tools that I have never had to utilize before in this way: humility, flexibility, imagination, forgiveness, patience, compassion, and confidence. I'm on a crash course for becoming a better human being, basically. Thank God I get to sing while I'm doing it. That's the easy part. Singing never feels like work. Ever. Amen!

In the meantime I'm beginning to love our new home. Silverlake is an awesome neighborhood that I discover I love more and more each day. We have a new roommate who plays classical guitar and is amazing at it! The other night the 3 of us and a few of my buddies from England stayed up all night jamming and making up ridiculous songs. It was hilarious and so happy. I believe one song became almost a rap about all of the things America has invented which make it way better than England. That was a goodie. We were all so filled with joy and laughter. I like having a big living room that is just perfect for music filling and jamming! I think a concert will have to be planned here sooner than later. My roomie, Jordan, will play too. The girls will swoon.

There really is nothing to complain about, is there? I was sitting here trying to think of something to whine about in blog form. What a waste of words. I am such a lucky and loved person. We all are. Since when does happiness come from the amount of checked boxes you have on your MUST HAVE list? Last time I checked, stuff and accomplishments does not equal contentment. It just equals more desire.

Here we are.

This is it!

And this is great.

I feel like lack is an illusion. I don't make a ton of money, I don't have a boyfriend or husband or baby, I don't have a professional career as a singer, I don't live near my family, blah blah blah. These are all perceptions. Negative perceptions. I HAVE everything I need in this moment. If everything is connected and everything on this planet is quasi dependent on everything else to survive, than all is in order, right? Than everything that is happening is just as it should be! The idea that if only one thing changed here or there, THEN it would be good, is so limiting. What a trap! Freeing my mind and my heart up from those ideas feels so good. I don't need anything more than exactly what I have!

Lately, and forgive me, Dad, if you're reading this, I've been obsessed with the idea of getting 'laid.' Like if I did, I would magically be happy. Like all of the tension and stress would go out of my body for good and the sun would shine brighter - like in the movies! But the reality is that that euphoria only lasts a few seconds. SECONDS! Then life is back. That's how it is with everything. Anything that we think we must have to be happy will in no way make us happy. So I can stop creeping on the internet for a male sex slave....just kidding.

Seriously. That joy and release exists for me at this very moment. Life is beautiful! Damn. Just look around. The light streaming in from outside, the sounds of my roommates waking up, the steady stream of traffic on the roads, the sweet taste of my tea with milk and sugar, the warmth of my clothes on my body, the people I'm looking forward to seeing and talking to today,the fact that this entire day is out of my hands and holds nothing but surprises! Life is more than beautiful. Life is love.

This is why I love blogging. I always seem to end up writing my own answer to my petty problem. Thank God for this!

Have a great day. I leave you with my latest musical obsession.

Before you buy it - GO OUTSIDE.

2011-08-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

Why does anyone ever need one solitary single ‘thing’? All the clutter and stuff we fill our lives with. As if it makes us more happy. As if having toys and clothes and nice furniture and cars makes us ‘rich.’ Makes our lives fulfilled. What does the word fulfilled mean anyway? Filled with stuff? Or satisfied. Are we ever satisfied with the things we have? Seems every time I buy something, I want more. Every time I get a new gadget - there is a better one out there. No, things have ever made me feel rich or fulfilled. They have always made me feel lack. I might be grateful that I have it - but all it does is spark a desire for another thing.

The only place on earth where I truly feel rich, fulfilled, and happy all at the same time is the Great Outdoors. Nature. Is there anything on this planet as amazingly brilliant as this planet? No! It is the most magnificent, most glamorous and delicate and awesome and mysterious and powerful and beautiful place to be. In nature. Trees, dirt, streams, plants, birds, animals, sky, clouds, waves, mountains, sunshine and more. I am speechless when surrounded by creation. The air fills up my body and my soul like no money ever could. And it is all around us!

How often do we feel we need to spend money on entertainment? Movies, plays, rock shows, dinners, extravagant trips. We fill our brains with more and more stimulation - as if it wasn’t already clouded with piles of shit and negativity. We relax by running our brains and our spirits even more ragged with partying and mindless TV.

Why don’t we simply go outside?

I live in California. And the Great Outdoors, and I mean the great great GREAT Outdoors is all around me. I have deserts, Mountains, the Pacific Ocean, National Parks, cliffs, bluffs and historically HUGE trees at my fingertips. Mere hours away. less even. But do I go and experience the richness of the world I am free to roam? Hardly ever.

Well this weekend I drove to Big Sur with one of my closest friends, Lauren. It was an amazing, easy drive from Los Angeles. We hardly felt we had been in the car for 6 hours because the whole time we were going “Wooooah. Wow. Holy...wow.” The Pacific coastline of California is absolutely breathtaking. We didn’t stop to take pictures. Our plan was to drive and breathe and experience on the way up, and stop for pics on the way back down. I’m glad we did that. Because I feel so filled up. I haven’t been trying to capture or share or keep the memories forever. I’ve just been enjoying. It feels amazing. When you just let nature be. It knocks your socks off.

We road horses through the woods and on the beach today. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done - and although it wasn’t free - it was worth every penny. Actually, my horse was named Penny, and she trotted my booty into shape! She was a little rascal.

Right now I’m sitting on our deck as the sun is getting lower in the sky - just breathing and writing. Just being. Just enjoying. I need nothing and no one at this very moment in time. All is well with the world. I am full, happy, joyous, free, and surrounded by natural light. I've never felt richer or more loved.

The moral of the story is.

Get your ass outside before the summer is over! And before you go buy more shit you don't need at Target, go outside. I guarentee 100% satisfaction. And it's FREE.

Kids just know. How to be. CATS.

2011-07-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

Hello friends,

I’m sitting in an empty black box theater in Santa Barbara with a free moment between two productions of “Cats.” I’m just watching the shows tonight, but this is all part of my current foray into teaching. I’m teaching musical theater to kids for my bread & butter. And to be honest, I’ve never enjoyed my day job more in my life. I’m in heaven. I'm in theater dork heaven. Children have a way of bringing out the purest truth to any art form. Whether we are drawing, dancing, singing, creating a story, or acting - the kids come from an unaffected, honest source of creativity. They seem more connected to that divine spark. They don't have to imitate what it's like to have joy. They just have it. And they are breaking my heart open.

“Cats” is a musical I have always vehemently hated. As a non-dancer, cat hater who loves acting and comedy - Andrew Lloydd Webber’s musical adaptation of TS Elliot’s cat poems always fell flat with me (Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats). I found it boring, nonsensical, serious and LONG.

Leave it to a couple of kids between the ages of 8 and 13 to make me understand and appreciate this legendary show. Between the humorous and heartbreaking - each little performer takes their moment in the limelight to tell the story of their cat. They delight in the spotlight only the way children can - with pure joy! Each one introduces him or herself and prepares for the Jellical Ball and the Jellical Choice - where Old Deutoronmy will choose the Cat who will move onto the next life, in the Heaveyside layer.

Grisabella the Glamor cat is the scraggly, forgotten, lonely, ancient feline - who moves slowly across the stage with only the memories of her days in the sun. In the end, it is she who will be chosen to be reborn again. Watching a 12 year old, with her face to the light, belting out every crystal clear note of “Memory,” brought tears to my eyes. It is the innocent breathing life into the ancient. It was a moment where the young generation paid homage to our ancestors. As Grisabella walked across the stage to the 'otherside' - each cat waved and sang "Up, up, up to the heaveyside layer."

Where else but theater do you see a group of young children creating a meaningful piece of art about death and honoring our elders? It would be hard to get kids to sign up for a camp to do that! But here they are in CATS, profoundly effecting the hearts and souls of the people who have come to see them. Making a difference through performance art.

Theater gives us a space for the young generation to embody the stories of our ancestors. We put on our make-up and masks, we take on the physical nature of those who have gone before us - and we become them. The story comes to life on stage. And the audience is transported. That is the magic of theater. Oral tradition - especially through song - is still one of the most powerful tools for change. And when children are passing the story along - it is that much more distilled and simply true.

These little ones are channeling the great performers and history of the Broadway stage. The ones who paved the way for us all. They are walking in their shoes, and reminding us where we came from and where we can go. They are nodding to the past, while delightfully celebrating the promise of the future! It is a perfect theatrical moment.

I couldn’t be more thrilled to take part in this exchange. Passing on my passion for performing and storytelling through song and plays feels like completing the circle. I was them once. I was 6 years old, belting out “Tomorrow” in a children’s production of “Annie.” I fell in love with the stage when I was the most innocent and hopeful. It was the most beautiful, fun, exciting place I had ever been - and it is where I always wanted to be.

Now, here I am, still. Passing on the torch. Engaging in our oral tradition. Passing along what I was taught and gaining so much more in the process. They are reminding me why I love the stage. Some of us just belong there. Some of us are like Gus the Theatre cat. We'll always be hanging by the theater door, till we grow old and palsy, telling stories of the good old days, and in no rush to go anywhere but there.

Gus: The Theatre Cat

Gus is the Cat at the Theatre Door
His name as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus, but that's such a fuss
To pronounce that we usually call him
Just Gus

His coat's very shabby
He's thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub)
He loves to regale them if someone else pays
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree
And he likes to relate his success on the halls
Where the gallery once gave him seven catcalls
But his grandest creation as he loves to tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

-T.S. Elliot

Follow your GUT and your dreams will follow!

2011-06-13T09:12:00.001-07:00

Good morning, good morning, it's great to stay up late, good morning, good morning to you!

Yippidy scoo bop de bop a lop dabaroo bop barrap bam boom!

I got a job. I got a job!!

I wanted to write today to testify that trusting your gut WORKs and settling for less is for shit and that you can have what you desire. You really can.

Here's what went down. I've been searching for a job and unemployed for about 3 weeks. I was previously working as a marketing/press/receptionist/assistant/printing/design/sales/customer service Rep at a small wholesale company. Internal drama and the complete meltdown of communication between Executives, plus a few calls to the cops, made it clear to me that I could no longer work there. It was a good steady paycheck and a place that had at certain times truly fostered my creativity and life in LA. I'm really grateful I had that job for year. But it was time to move on.

I knew it in my gut. My brain was thinking practically and arguing with my gut over and over. What about the bills? What about your boss that you care for? What about the company, what will they do? What if you can't get another job? doubt doubt doubt, fear fear fear. But my gut was saying "IT'S TIME TO GO. "

So I did.

I started getting interesting interviews right off the bat. Attractive, lucrative, shiny new opportunities. The first one was to work for a faith based marketing company that brings movies and entertainment with a God-centric message to the religious peeps of the world. It seemed attractive! The pay check was huge, the subject matter seemed to gel with mine, the boss was funny and smart. But something didn't feel right. Down there. In the gut. What was it? Why could I not accept the position? Was it the full time hours - taking me away from my main career focus? Was it the small business set up? Was it the clearly CHRISTIAN movies I would have to be jazzed about? Or was it the fact that every funny joke the boss told had some sort of sexual innuendo? That might have been it. But I couldn't fully describe why it wasn't right. It just wasn't. I meditated. I prayed. And I said no. To a job.

Then I got offered another! Another Job! Luckiest bitch alive, you're saying, right? This was to be a part-time vacation rental helper. Take reservations and meet vacationers from Europe at their rented apartment with the keys and a smile. Sounded easy enough. The pay wasn't great and the guys who ran the business were younger than I am, but I was offered the job right? And I need one. So I should take it, right? I said yes.

Whelp, on the same day I was supposed to go to this new job, I got a callback from an audition I had gone to, for shits and giggles. I figured if I need money, I'm in LA, why not work as an extra. I had read the monologue and sang a bit and they seemed to like me. That morning the casting agency called and said they LOVED me and they would like to 'represent' me as a background actor and get me featured speaking parts, and send me out for commercials, and I'd get work 5 to 6 days a week. They made it sound divine! My heart leaped! You mean, all I have to do is go get some headshots, and I can act and dress up in costumes and stand there as my day job? BRILLIANT! I didn't want to work at a desk. I've always been an actor. It sounded perfect.

Before declining the other job, I sat on my meditation cushion and checked in with my gut. My head was swirling: Maybe this is a hoax, I need stability, take the vacation rental job, this is part of your dream, go for it, etc. But I sat silently. And my gut spoke. It was leaping with joy. It leaped up into my chest and made me cry. And as I cried, I knew, deep down in my soul, that something better was out there for me. I deserved a happy, joyful life where I expressed myself as an artist. I did not have to sit behind a desk and push paper. I could live a life that I had dreamed of. I felt in in the Gut. I knew.

I called the Rental place and declined the position. They told me to "Have a nice life." I said, "Thanks, I will." And that was that. Still unemployed, I went off to get my headshots and live the Hollywood dream.

Long embarrassing part of the story short, it was a hoax. I haven't gotten called once yet to show up on set. I found out that this agency was like a miniature hack compared to Central Casting - the hugest and oldest Extra casting agency in the biz. I had been bamboozled.

I was poor, unemployed, ashamed, and a little listless. For a few days. But I kept applying. I kept scouring the Internet for jobs. I knew that for some reason, these other jobs weren't for me. But I had a job on the horizon. I blogged to dull the pain and infuse my life with some humor. I recorded some songs to feel alive. And I kept going.

Last Thursday I got a call from a Musical Theater School in Pacific Palisades. I had sent them my resume and picture on a whim. Thinking just maybe I might have a shot. "We LOVE your resume! Come in for an interview tomorrow!"

I drove out to the beach and was a little early. The school was right next door to the Lakeshrine at the Self Realization Fellowship that I had loved meditating at so much for my first year in LA.

I had sometime to sit and reflect before my interview. I walked through the rose gardens and took in the beauty. I sat. And stilled my gut. It was peaceful. It was grounded in my body. I was ready.

I walked into the interview with a smile on my face. 2 minutes later I got the job. A job I have dreamed of having since I was in middle school! I am now a musical theater teacher/coach to kids ages 4-14. I start on Monday. NO DESK FOR ME! I get to sing and dance and act and play and laugh with kids for a LIVING. AND have plenty of time to write my songs and perform. How did this happen? How is it possible?

My gut was calm and collected. My body felt warm and happy as I left the building. I knew I had found my job.

I got to go help backstage at the little ones' showcase on Saturday morning. The sweetest sound in the world is children singing. Their eyes light up, their little bodies flail to the music, their hearts beam out towards the audience.

I was them once, over 25 years ago. Singing my little heart out on the stage with such purpose, such joy, such love of life! Someone gave me that gift so long ago - and it saved my life. Now I get to give it back and I get to relearn why I loved doing this in the first place.

Because it's FUN!!!!!!!!!

I'm so grateful that I am learning how to listen to my internal conscience. It's really scary to trust. But it's right every time. When your tummy is jumping and your chest is heavy and your voice is shaky and your eyes are squinty - your body is trying to tell you something that your heart KNOWS. Maybe you're in love! Maybe you should get out of there! Maybe you're excited! Maybe you're in danger. Maybe you are supposed to say no because your dream is around the corner with a big YES! The gut does not waste time convincing your stubborn head. It's not going to give your ego a list of practical reasons why you should make a certain decision and an overview of what's ahead. It just takes action and you can listen or not listen.

I'm learning how to check in and hear my gut's voice. And I'm so glad. Because it lead me to one of my all-time top dream jobs! I'm pretty sure it is the only reliable advisory board in my life. And I'm sold. I'm going to do everything in my power to check in and listen, because there is nothing in the world that has my best interests at heart like MY GUT.

Wednesday June 8, 2011 - 12:51pm

2011-06-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

Hi folks,

I still don't have a job. So I thought I would blog because it makes me feel like I'm doing something quasi productive. When I'm feeling down - writing it out sometimes helps. It's a bit of a healing process for sure.

I'm in a coffee shop in Hollywood called Stir Crazy on Melrose. It's full of 20 something screenwriters and out of work actors typing away on their laptops and doing research. They're sort of adorable. And here I am, scouring craigslist yet again, desperately fighting off the urge to say 'fuck it', and praying for the willingness to keep active in my search for employment. I need a job. This is nothing new.

Today I went to the FedEx/Kinkos on Vine to print out some application forms and resumes. My big plan was to talk to the hot guy with the long hair and blue eyes who made me laugh for a solid 10 minutes last time I was in there. I would 1. Walk in looking hot. 2. Bring up our last funny conversation very casually to him and make him laugh 3. Say "here's my number. Call me sometime."

Here is what happened actually.

I walked in feeling super tired from the night before (because I watched episodes of Entourage until 2:30am). I locked onto his eyes right away as he was on the phone at the main desk. I managed a half smile, then quickly looked down and walked swiftly to the computer. Printed the shit out as fast as I could. Made some copies. Looked back one more time. Validated my parking stub, and high tailed it out of there.

EPIC FAIL.

Apparently I don't even have enough confidence at the moment to hit on the FEDEX guy. Awesome. I'm not going to beat myself up for this particular Liz Lemon incident, though. To be fair, I'm sort of at the bottom of the barrel right now. It's safe to say that my mojo will return with stability and income. In the meantime, it's not a crime to LOOK at the hot fedex guy and imagine that I have the balls to talk to him. OR type his name into google with a 'comma' fedex and see if you can find his facebook page. YOU CAN'T. I could also check the missed connections section of craigslist during my job search, just in case he LOVES me and is searching for me.

he doesn't. and isn't.

So be it! Life is amusing to say the least. And barring all of the things I don't have going on at the moment, life is good too. I have to be grateful for my sense of humor. I have to be psyched that I have a bed and a hot chai latte and the ability and resources to make myself egg in a bowl this morning (a childhood favorite created by my mom). The little things in life are HUGE right now. And I'm psyched about them. Finance and Romance can wait. I'm enjoying my affair with the small stuff.

Speaking of stuff that I have right now. I have some time on my hands. To write and make music. Which is what I want to do ANYWAY. So that's awesome. I recorded a little Single with a bonus yesterday and put it on bandcamp. The album is called "Milk n Cookies."

Track one is one of my latest tunes, quickly becoming an audience favorite, called "Cookies in Bed." Here is the youtube video, if you missed it:

The other tune is a premier - no one has heard it yet - called "Somebody in Hollywood." It was inspired by some recent experiences and a viewing of "Sunset Boulevard" over the weekend. I think you'll really like it. The coolest thing is, IT'S FREE! You can download the album here:

MILK N COOKIES.

Have wonderful days, my lovins. And if you know of a job in Los Angeles, what the heck are you holding out on me for. HOOK A SISTER UP.

What now? Open letter to the unemployed.

2011-06-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

Hey, unemployed peeps.

It's 4:30 pm PST. I'm in a coffee shop on Sunset Blvd in my new neighborhood, Silverlake. It's really weird. There are sunglasses, credit cards, cigarette packages, and hats stapled to the walls. The pastries are Brazilian and the coffee is really good. The cashier has a spiderweb etched into the side of his buzzed hair. Spanish radio is playing over the speakers, so I have my headphones in and am listening to Martha Wainwright.

Yesterday morning I shuffled my tarot deck and pulled out a card during my meditation. I got this card:

I almost laughed out loud. This past month has been one of the hardest since I've moved to Los Angeles. The tower fell, so to speak. The structures that were holding my way of life together - at least some of them - came tumbling down. It was really scary and uncomfortable. All at once I did not have a home or a job. It was sink or swim and I'm swimming.

I'm in a complete state of surrender right now. It seems I do not have control over much of anything in my life. And in a way, it's awesome. One of my favorite books, Buddhism Plain and Simple, says that control is an illusion. And really it is.

I spent sometime over by the huge ocean the other day, the Pacific one. It humbles me! This thing is so huge and relentless and powerful. Really, at any moment it could eat us alive. We are really all at the Ocean's bidding, especially here on the coast.

So what do we have control over when it seems we are at the mercy of life? Not sure how we will pay the bills, or where we are going to work tomorrow, or what our purpose in life is...

Well, when you are unemployed it becomes very simple. I have control over the attitude and perception which I am going to approach my day with. It is either going to be one of faith and gratitude or one of fear and self pity. This sets up my entire experience of life. I am either grateful and surrendered to the beautiful flux of life (open to miracles and prosperity) or I'm fearful, closed off, depressed and blind to new opportunities. The choice seems obvious. But it can get tiring constantly choosing faith over fear. And fear is so dirty and tempting.

I'm in faith right now. And it's working. Shit is happening. I got a new place to live and it's amazing. I'm going to be living with my brother and sister in this sweet place in the best neighborhood in Los Angeles. How did that happen? Don't ask me. I guess I just showed up.

The job stuff is interesting. I'm investigating very interesting opportunities - because when you shed your skin of old behaviors and situations it would be wise to try a new direction. So I'm looking into more bohemian, creative, and flexible day job options. Ultimately, i want to be free to write and sing and be an artist when and where I please. I do not want to be married to a desk. So DESKS BE DAMNED. I believe that it IS POSSIBLE to support myself without working a desk job. Do I know exactly how I'm going to do that? No. But I have faith.

So far this week, I have written three songs, practiced guitar for at least 30 minutes a day, and it felt damn good. Creativity is flowing once again and I feel grounded in my commitment to the work.

So the tower has fallen. And I find myself asking what's next. I guess the beautiful answer, full of hope and excitement is:

WHO KNOWS???

I've got my eyes open. And my heart too.

Rolling in the deep: How to piss people off with your music

2011-04-25T10:20:00.001-07:00

Hello friend,

I'm in Santa Fe again. There is something about the big open sky that seems to open my heart and mind, and strip me down to my most vulnerable, my most open. Sometimes it feels great. Sometimes, not so much. But I think in general it's important to find a place like this on earth for yourself. A place where you can't hide. A place that makes you come clean and connect with the truth - where distractions fall away, and what you're left with is just pure, hardcore life on life's terms. I have never left Santa Fe without a spiritual or personal insight or gift. There is something to be said about a place like that! I don't want to come back this time, and I know I won't be able to stay away.

As an artist, I know it's my life's work to process things and create. In most cases, it saves my life and gives me joy. Sometimes, it's a little painful though. And I wish I could just let it be and move on. As if I know there is a song brewing and I want to leave it there, in my body, and let it rot until it haunts me and eats me from the inside out and eventually dies - and I'll never know what sort of healing I could have created. I'll just start storing a song graveyard in my tummy...Ouch.

When in doubt, ALWAYS, write. Always create. Never stop. That is what I have to tell myself. There is nothing too painful to explore with your art. Nothing. And you know what, no one is safe either...from my wrath.

I've had a lot of misgivings about publishing material that could hurt people's feelings - mostly ex's . I feel as if the work might be too personal or biting, too specific or bitter. Do I really need to lash out in a song? But the answer is YES. Fuck yes, I do! For once in my life, I am embracing what I am. I write songs. I have to write songs. And you know what, you fuckers are going to be in them sometimes, so DEAL WITH IT! Adele wrote 2 platinum, award-winning albums about two different ex's. Do you think she left some shit on the table to spare their feelings? Hell no!

We must be merciless and courageous and let it all out on the table. Because we have to. Because it's our duty to the human race. If i write a song about a liar who dicked me over and broke my heart, and how I survived - I heal a little from that heartbreak. And by doing that - I might help someone else to heal too. And in the end, it's art. It's not revenge. It's about transforming the experience into something new and beautiful and expressive and spiritual.

Since I put the demo out, I've had some amazing experiences hearing about how people 1) interpret the songs and 2) are emotionally/spiritually effected by them. When I put a song out there - it develops a life of it's own in the ears and hearts of the listener. It is no longer mine. It is no longer MY story and MY trauma - it belongs to the collective - and it begins to live and heal in them. Everyone has a different reaction to Kill my Soulmate, for instance. It confuses some people, makes others laugh, makes some cry, and others think. Some people think it's about lashing out at an ex. Some think it's about giving up on love. But no one but me knows where it was born. And I'm glad, because they are giving it new life. The song is transforming. And that is hopeful to me.

The same with Last Moment on Earth. Each person knows in their heart who comes to mind when they hear it - another story starts brewing and living and healing. And it has nothing to do with me.

This is the power of art. This is why I MUST create. Because it's larger than myself. And all I want to do is get out of this limited, selfish, ego-centric experience anyway. I want to be free. And art is freedom!

So, long story short. Ex's beware. I'm unleashing whatever is brewing. As one of my favorite, forgotten British rappers, Lady Sovereign said, "Love me or hate me it's still an obsession. Love me or hate me that is the question. If you love me, then THANK YOU. If you hate me, then, FUCK YOU. "

Ok, so maybe I'm not that hardcore. But I get it. We must be fearless. No matter what the world might think or feel. I'm laying it out there.

Because I have to.

Adele did it, and so can I.

3 poems Read out loud.

2011-04-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

I tried to write a song today. It didn't want to come out. But I wrote three poems. And I wanted to speak them out loud. To you guys. I guess I was inspired by a TED talk I saw yesterday about Performance Poetry, spoken word. Watch it!

A bit of a lost art, if you ask me. I don't know much about it. I've hardly ever seen it. And I've been known to make fun of it. But I had something I needed to express today. And it wouldn't come out as a song. But I knew it was valid. That is the great thing about art. It's ALWAYS valid. It's not good or bad. It's just worthy. It's worthy of paper. And mp3s. And deserves to be spoken. And shared.

So I've never considered myself a poet. I've never read my poems outloud. But I did today.

And I wanted to share them.

Here are the written poems, they should sort of be taken as a threesome, but not in a kinky way. You can listen to me reading them, or download the track for free on my bandcamp site: HERE.

I even made cover art for them. YAY!

ICU

You make me feel 15
Not in a good way
In the invisible, brace-faced, awkward, hate myself kind of way
Why don't you see me
as I am?
What do you see?
Nothing?
That's why it hurts so bad.
Because maybe it's true.
As if your eyes were the score card from the entire universe
And I received
an incomplete.

The Facebook

Facebook was made for people like me
The chronically insecure
The unseen
Reaching out
Hoping
Praying
Imploring
Someone
Anyone
Atleast ONE
Will care
About
What I ate
for
dinner.

4 Sisters

The ugly duckling and I would have been tight
10 years old, chubby and happy
Not a care in the world
Except for my Dad
Enter stepmom
Enter 3 sisters
3 tall, blonde, adorable sisters
and me
The eye sore
The 'talented one'
Fuck talent
I want to die.
If only I could have those legs for one day
Or walk around in that brown skin to 3rd period Math
My smile stopped making sense
The crooked way my jaw leaned to the side
My cute factor disappeared into the numbers on the scale
As my stepmom clocked me in
Just above
Everyone else
If only I was thinner
If only I was blonder
If only I was them and not me
Then I would be loved
Then my Dad would see me again
Then I could be free.
What if Cinderella was the ugly one and the stepsisters were pretty?
Would we have pulled for her to get the Prince in the end?
I hope so.
I'm grown now and walk in the world as an attractive, confident, young woman
But after the clock strikes 12
and my carraige turns into a pumpkin
I'm back there
in my old shoes
wiping the mascara away with my tears
feeling 10 years old again
and hoping
that one day
I'll be pretty
Like them.

credits

A trip to The Big Trees

2011-03-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

Hello folks,

Well the demo is out and about (http://franbetlyon.bandcamp). The party is over(watch it here) . And this singer/songwriter is breathing a breath of fresh air. Literally. After a lot of hard work and a huge pay-off (blog to come later on the demo release) I retreated into the Sierra Nevada mountains with a dear friend to relax, breathe the mountain air and look at what I call, The Big Trees.

This is a trip that has been on my California bucket list since I moved out here. I’ve always been drawn to the forest - a canopy of trees makes me feel safe and loved, and looking up through the light shining between the branches, I’ve always thought I was glimpsing something from the beyond. I have been looking at the website for the Sequoia National park for two years now, saying “Hopefully soon, I’ll have the money, or I’ll have a travel partner, etc.” As it goes with life, my ‘best intentions and plans’ always fell through. So often my will and my desires don’t really work out the way I had hoped or planned. I’m just sort of sucky at life sometimes - especially when I'm running the show. But the cool thing about surrendering your hopes and dreams to a power greater than yourself is that they come true somehow. And usually in a way that was way cooler than you ever could have imagined.

So it went with this trip to the park. I don’t have the money. And I didn’t have the time. And I didn’t plan on taking this trip. I was just coming down from the demo release and needing to take a break. And it just sort of happened. My friend Emma was in town from England, I had let her stay with me for a week here and there in the past year, she wanted to go away for the weekend and wanted to thank me and there is no longer a train running to San Francisco. And Voila! A day later, we are packing the car and on the way to see the the Big Trees. The minute you stop planning and maneuvering your life to suit your needs, you get what you’ve always wanted.

I got a gift this past weekend from Emma, from the trees, and from God. It was unexpected and wonderful. I always imagined the trees being green and huge - I would be sitting in the dirt, looking up, meditating, and having some sort of spiritual zen moment. Well as we climbed the 5,000 feet up to the park in my Scion and stopped to put chains on the tires, it became very clear that my imagination was shite. The park was covered in over 15 feet of perfectly white snow and more was coming. This was the most snow the park has seen in 50 years. It was a magical wonderland - equal parts frightening and staggeringly beautiful. All we could do was just hope for the best and keep making our way up the hill. I’m so glad we did. This was not what we bargained for.

Despite the similarities to the Shining (so many), our room at Wuksachi Lodge was warm and cozy, the staff was friendly and accommodating, and there was absolutely NOTHING to do. The TV, Internet and cell phones didn’t work, the shuttles and tours weren’t running, the museums and gift shops were closed. I wanted rest, this is what I would get. Thanks, God! We sat around, and ate food, and went to bed early. All we could do was keep looking around going, “I can’t freaking believe this!”

Saturday, we decided to brave the weather and take advantage of the park -- in Snow shoes! I’ve never attempted anything like this, but I’m so glad we faced our fears and went for it. It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever done -- and again -- completely different from my imagined, fantasy experience.

I wrote this after our time traipsing through the woods:

The world is so fucking beautiful! It’s awe inspiring. We are so small. We live a measly 80 years if we’re lucky. A sequoia tree can live up to 3,000 years. General Sherman is 2, 500. He was around when Jesus walked the earth. These trees just stand there and observe while the world around them changes. They could have so much to say about us. We don’t really grow much, I’m sure. Not like them. Humans just walk around the earth - looking up. Looking up at the branches. Looking up at the sky. Looking up for God, for guidance. Feeling this presence. Knowing how small we are. So small. Just little specs.

Walking through the rugged, snow-covered forest today, I felt like I was a complete, significant part of the surroundings, however small. I was a part of the forest today. It’s almost as if I had a part to play. Like the trees needed something to watch over, and I was it.

I touched the bark of one of the Redwoods and could feel the vibrating energy bouncing off of it. This is an OLD living thing. The bark is almost hollow and if you beat on it, it is like a natural drum in the woods. I beat a little rhythm on the side, as if to say to the tree, “Wake up! I love you!” It was a happy sound. I know the tree heard me.

As we left the park, I felt this sadness come over me. I guess I was ready to go back to LA and my life, back to the internet and phone service, back to friends and work and distractions and traffic. But what I was not ready for was to go back under the open sky. It felt so safe under the protection of the Big Trees. I started calling them the Ancient Watchmen. Because that is what they are. They have been around for longer than any of us. They stand watch and protect us from the harshness of the world, the sun, the elements. They keep us safe. We rest by their trunks, and take shelter under their branches. When I’m under a canopy of trees, I feel as if God is watching over me. It’s a physical reminder of that universal truth that we are loved, protected, and cared for. I’m so grateful to the Big Trees for making it so clear to me. For almost banging me over the head with this truth. I am loved. I am cared for. God is protecting me. When anything happens - whether I perceive it to be good or bad - God is protecting and loving me. Here is a picture of me resting by one of the Ancient Watchmen - a huge pile of snow just fell on my head. It was like getting a noogie.

I really never leave the protection of the woods, no matter where I am. And I can learn from the Big Trees and stand my ground, stand tall, and be there for others when they are in need. If I surrender in the protection of their branches, I'm sure more and more dreams will come true, just as they did this past weekend.

If you get a chance to spend some time with some trees this week. Do it. Those are some wise mutha-effers.

The CD Release Partay Webcast!

2011-03-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys,

Tonight was amazing! Thank you, everyone who watched! I'm overwhelmed and happy.

I'll be blogging about this experience a little later. GOODNIGHT!

Here is the video, for those of you who missed it. And if you are wondering where you can download the demo, you can do it here: http://franbetlyon.bandcamp.com

Test run

2011-03-18T09:29:00.000-07:00

Watch This!

Streaming live video by Ustream

DEMO RELEASE SHOW ! Streaming live RIGHT HERE. Saturday March 19th

2011-03-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

THE SHOW AT EL CID HAS BEEN CANCELLED. The club called us today and pulled the plug. Who knows why?

Am I dwelling in the shit? NO!!! I'm releasing this mother effer if it kills me!

So join me for an online WEBCAST DEMO Release PARTAY on Saturday, March 19th at 8pm PST, 11pm EST!!!

WE will have virtual snackies, stories, laughs, songs, and the demo will be made available online at that time! at http://franbetlyon.bandcamp.com/

So we can all be one big happy family, buying the demo and celebrating on the interweb and everywhere!!!

The video will be streaming live from my blog, right here!!!!!!!
http://cest-la-frannie.blogspot.com/

It will also be streaming here on ustream: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/fran-betlyon-demo-release-show-live

You can interact with us live by tweeting, commenting on facebook, calling in, etc! I will have a designated 'responder/heckler' to man the computer! We are literally entering uncharted territory, my friends! But I'm very excited. This is how you take some gross rancid lemons and turn them into delicious lemonade!

Again. NO SHOW AT EL CID.

Live Webcast Saturday night at 8pm PST and 11pm EST!

BE THERE!

XOXOXOXO

an idea:

2011-02-26T23:21:00.001-08:00

I should use the word profound more.

Coffee is a priority.

2011-01-07T09:39:00.000-08:00

Good morning worlds,

I'm having a great morning. I meditated. I read the Bible (for the first time in like 2 years). I made coffee. I e-mailed. I'm slowly working my way down a well-thought out "to do" list I made last night. This is a fabulous tool for the chronically scattered, artistic mind. Most of the time when I have free time, I want to do all things, all at once. I become overwhelmed. And I shut down.

Not today!

I have my trusty list.

It felt good to prioritize this morning. Like I put God BEFORE coffee. How insanely obvious a choice is that? But so often, my caffeine fix is the most important part of my morning. I almost believe that the good will start flowing once the brown juice drips down my throat, like it's an elixir or something! Sometimes I have more faith in a cup of joe than I do in God. Well, the coffee I made this morning is pretty damn good because I made it in this thing:

But I'm pretty sure the reason why there is a skip in my step is because I've got my priorities straight. I seriously know that I cannot put the demo before my spiritual program, or I'm screwed. I cannot put my job before my family, or I'm screwed. And I can't put coffee before God, because that's WACK.

Making a list really puts it into perspective. Where are my priorities? Really... It can be hard to look at sometimes. To be honest, I've already been on facebook 3 times this morning! 3 effing times! It's not even on the to do list. But I've probably already spent at least half of the time I spent meditating on Facebook. So are the two equal in priority to me? Almost. Weird. I need to check myself before I wreck myself.

So often I focus on what I need and want first - rather than what I have. It's like the things that I don't have are a higher priority to me than the things I do have. I spend a lot of energy wondering when I'm going to get 'mine.' It's like a top priority is wanting MORE.

You know what life looks like when you do that? Empty. Because when you DO have stuff, you don't enjoy it. NO matter what you have.

No matter what my to do list includes, I'm glad that I am an adult who knows what should be at the top of my list. If I don't have a relationship with God, I don't have a good relationship with my loved ones. It has to come first. If I don't have a solid connection to my spiritual program, I don't perform well at work. It's like a simple math problem. Sometimes our best thinking - our strategies for how to get ahead in the world - are faulty math problems! You do not get happiness without giving back to others. You do not get rich without giving of yourself. You do not get happy without surrendering the outcomes of your actions.

It feels good to check things off of the list. I have faith that my actions are guided and in the right place today. A few ways that I check to make sure my priorities are straight - is a little quiz. I ask myself. 1. Is this selfish? 2. Is this self-seeking? 3. Is this dishonest?

If the answer is yes to any of those questions, maybe the thing needs to be kicked off the list. Or at least moved down as far as priority goes.

Anyway, I ramble. I'm off to continue checking shit off! Next on the list is some Demo distribution research. And GO!

MAKE ART NOT WAR

2010-12-30T07:15:00.000-08:00

Let's break the silence.

Can I just say how grateful I am for art.

SELF EXPRESSION IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

Joy, love, freedom, laughter!

I find all of these things in my music and in my art.

The act of allowing myself to be what I am. Has been a sacred experience.

Allowing the artist inside me to be. Just what it is. At any given time. HALLELUJAH.

How painful is it to stuff these urges down? Or to morph them into another package that you think is less offensive or perfect or intellectual or pleasing to others. The more I let my inner artist free - the happier I am!

When I feel grief - I make art.

When I'm happy - I make art.

When I'm bored - I make art.

Is this art good? Is it critically groundbreaking? WHO THE FUCK CARES!

It saves my life!

Creativity comes from the source. The source of love and life. The more we can connect to that source, the better.

If you feel it when you run, RUN, MOTHER-EFFER, RUN.

If you feel it when you sing, YOU BETTER SING.

And if you feel it when you write, WRITE EVERYDAY.

Express the creativity and life energy that is wanting to burst through you. Give it a sacred space to live in.

And then PLAY.

When I see artists that I truly admire - it is a sense that they are having fun. They are playing with this creative source. They are letting it do what it does, and it is delightful to watch. In every way!

I have been having some amazing experiences lately playing with my art.

Gary Brintz and I wrote a funny holiday song as a joke and it turned out to be hit worthy! All we ever felt while creating it was joy and laughter!

I also recently created a little video for Melanie's song "Brand New Key" - the ever catchy pop hit of the early 70s. I had fun with film. I know NOTHING about film! I just played. And it was a blast!

Love live the playful spirit of artistic creation!

xoxox

Time for a move? Maybe that geographic fix can wait.

2010-11-15T17:33:00.000-08:00

Hello there,

Yesterday my friend and I were talking about geographic locations/fixes. Where do you live? Where do you want to live? Where do you imagine would be the coolest place to live? Does it even frigging matter.

I guess I have a lot to say about this topic because a year a go I relocated my entire life to the west coast. It was a pretty dramatic geographic switch. Would I suggest this sort of move to a fellow? And do I think I will move again someday, maybe even in the relatively near future? Yes.

Why?

Does moving really change your life? So many people say that geographic fixes don't work. My mom used to say "There are not any boring places just boring people." If you are not happy in a certain town, apartment, country, etc. - chances are it's YOU and not it. You will pack all of your bags, make the plans, move to your new location with all the hope in the world and guess what you will find? YOU. A big ole sack of you. The same problems will crop up, the same sort of friends, the same wants and complaints, a very similar life will emerge around you and soon you will be looking for the next outside fix.

Life is an inside job. If there is something you don't like about someone else, it's because you don't like something about you. If you are unhappy in a location, it's because you are unhappy inside. A sunny perspective on life will make even Alaska in winter a delightfully light and happy place! The circumstances of life change - they ebb and flow - but our happiness is not dependent on them. Our happiness is congruent with the status of our spiritual health.

That being said. I think that geographic moves CAN work, somewhat. Here is why.

Spiritual pilgrimages are a part of every religious tradition for a reason. The act of preparing, packing your bag, and walking or traveling to a spiritual place, being there, praying there, and traveling home - this is a spiritual experience. This is an act of faith and devotion. And it changes your perspective on life. So you may return home with a renewed connection to your God and a new purpose. You are revived!

Why else would humans go on vacation? They need to feel rejuvenated! There is something powerful about traveling to a new place. You are a stranger in a strange land. All your day to day perceptions of life are turned upside down. Nothing is where it's supposed to be. People don't talk like you do. Everything you see and do is new to you. You are like a child roaming the streets! Guess who are the happiest humans I know? CHILDREN. So of course when we are in a situation where we know nothing, we are in awe, we are exploring our surroundings, we will be happier!

For this reason, geographic fixes can jump start your spiritual life and sunny up your perspective for awhile. The only problem is that this wears off after a bit. Just like the honeymoon period with a new lover dims after awhile, so does the effectiveness of the geographic fix. Pretty soon, you will know the streets, the ins and outs, the weather patterns, and local accents. These things will not seduce you anymore. They will become a part of the blurry scenery behind your inner life which looks a lot like it did before. Pretty soon - everything will be covered with your perspective!!!!!!

So it becomes time for another move. And yet another. See how this works/doesn't work? It's just like people who date and date and date. They are together for a year or so and then find another person to fall in love with. They are really looking for the state of mind - the perspective one has when they are in love - not a person to love.

The art of living must be staying in love with one town or one person for a lifetime. Think of the people who have lived in the same zip code their whole life and never moved - maybe never even travelled. Are they happy? Quite possibly! It's all in how they look at life. Each day is an adventure when you are living in the present moment and connected to a spiritual source of joy! You can fall in love with the mundane over and over and over again when you choose to see God in it.

Now there will always be the outside differences in locations that can attract us or make practical sense for a move. But we should never expect that because one town is warm and sunshiny - we would be happy there, or if another town is full of pollution and traffic - we would be miserable. We are as happy as we make up our minds to be. Wherever we are!

That being said.

I had one of the happiest days of my life here:

I had another awesome day here:

This was a pretty good day:

But I have to say, my joy was created in my mind. I had decided to delight in the smells, the tastes, the sites, and sounds of these places. I set an intention when I was there to make it a sort of spiritual pilgrimage. And that is the experience I had. I experienced PURE JOY. The cool thing I guess is that this joy is available to us now, wherever we are, in whatever moment.

You can escape the hum-drum of everyday by choosing to have a spiritual experience of your life.

Writing this blog has actually made me v. happy. Here I am at my local corner coffeeshop and it might as well be PARIS. :)

Peggy Sue's 50s Diner - NEW SONG !!

2010-10-27T00:21:00.001-07:00

Hi peeeeple,

I was just looking through an old journal tonight and found some ideas for a song. I thought it was time to finish it up.

This is a travelling song. It's about those places you stop at in the middle of nowhere. No one knows you. No one from home knows where you are. You can almost disappear into the walls and escape your life for a few moments. That's how I felt the day I stepped into Peggy Sue's 50s Diner - an actual self-proclaimed historic pit stop between LA and Vegas.

Here are a few pictures and a link to the song. ENJOY!

Listen to "Peggy Sue's 50s Diner" by Fran Betlyon

FUN. Who's having it?

2010-10-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps,

I'm not having enough fun lately. Is anybody having a lot of fun? I mean laughing their asses off? Or feeling exhilarated? Or surprised? Or delighted? Or dancing the night away? Is anybody meeting the fun quotient in their lives?

Maybe mine is just abnormally impossible to meet or something. I don't know. Maybe my fun standards are too high. But lately I sort of feel like a whiny adult wishing I was a kid again and could just have some old fashioned fun!

This is what most of my days and nights are spent doing: sleeping, working, thinking, worrying, talking to other adults about life and problems, playing music (because I should), trying to pay bills, watching some stupid tv, and getting into bed thinking about stuff I should have done. Where is the fun in that? Is being a responsible adult really this sucky?

What do adults do to cut loose, to have fun, to let go and live for a bit? So the obvious one, at least for me, is drink. I know that is what a lot of adult humans do to relax, release tension, and have fun. Well...that worked for me for a long time until it became dangerous and not fun anymore. So that's out. AWESOME. ( Side note. Isn't it sad that once our adult selves found alcohol and drugs we forgot how to have fun without them. Like our imaginations stopped. We were having a blast as kids before without anything!) Maybe that's what I'm having, a crisis of the imagination.

So now what? So the next thing that comes to mind is shopping or basic entertainment (concerts, movies, cultural events, etc). Yup, those are fun sometimes! Cool. But those things cost MONEY. Spending money for fun makes life less fun when you're scraping by on a wink and prayer. So that shit is OUT. Neat.

Did I mention I'm living the dream?

What else...there's nature. I love nature. There are some amazing places to to be in nature out here in California. I need to partake more. Maybe that is something I could try. The only problem is that it takes a lot of time to get there and do the things. This is mainly a weekend solution. But I will give it some props.

I need weekday fun, people! I'm an immature 29 year old woman who doesn't drink and is trying to live a responsible life. What does a lady need to do to get some fun over here?

Maybe I could take up card games or something. Anything. Anything to relax my mind and my body for a little while so I can enjoy life for awhile without interfering with it. Simplicity. Relief. A few laughs. These are all things I got after a good buzz. Now I have to create my own buzz, and you know what that feels like? More work!

There must be a solution. Here is one I can think of, Halloween. I love Halloween a lot. I'm actually really looking forward to it. 1. Because I can make up some stupid costume and play pretend for a night = WICKED FUN and 2. Because I'm going to my voice teacher's house to hand out candy to the kids. I really love kids. They make me laugh! I like talking to them and rapping with them and mixing it up. They seriously know how to have fun. IT'S THEIR FREAKING JOB. Kids are professional fun havers. And us adults could learn a lot from them. And I plan to this Halloween. (Another sidenote. I miss the kids from the West End House in Allston where I used to work. They were hilarious and sooo smart! It made work pretty much the best ever. Probably the first time I fit into a 9 to 5 job...cuz I was a lot like them.)

So anyway. The good news is I have my partner in crime arriving tomorrow to distract me from my self pity. Fun will be had organically, I'm sure. Hopefully some pumpkins will be carved and candy corn eaten and laughs laughed.

Ok, I'm done complaining. That's such a lame adult thing to do anyway. It's time to take life a little lighter and have a good time. I mean this is it. This is the only life we've got! If I take it this seriously for one more day, I'm going to quit. So forget it! I can be responsible and still have fun! And I'm not determined to make it happen. I'm just going to let it be.

Growing up just in time

2010-10-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

Good morning folks,

I woke up early today to take care of some long past due tax type things. It felt pretty good. Cleaning up the wreckage of 10 adult years of messing around can be daunting, but it's awesome. Every time I pay a bill or do something BEFORE the due date, I feel like I'm kicking ass! Seriously, the simple adult tasks have daunted me for years. But I can no longer let my life pile up and become so unmanageable any longer. My old MO was "If it's not fun, don't do it." The problem with that is that it gets REALLY UN FUN eventually and then all you are left with is this overwhelming need to escape your life, hardcore. That is one of the main reasons I drank.

Today, I don't drink anymore. I haven't had a drink in ONE YEAR. That's pretty crazy for me. I definitely thought it was not possible. But it is. I've learned this year that your greatest fear is probably the thing you need to do most. Because when you face it, you start becoming the person you were always meant to be. It's hard! Getting sober was sometimes like crawling through a tiny tunnel of thorns on my hands and knees. I bled. I cried a lot. I have had to come face to face with some of the most uncomfortable truths about being me. But it's worth it. It's really worth it.

I'm not free and easy on the other side of that tunnel yet, for sure. Still doing the deal. Still growing. But I have to say I have a sliver of a bit more faith in myself now than I did a year ago. The strength you receive from humbling yourself before your fears and giving over to faith is unexplainable. You have to just experience it. I'm guessing it would be what a person afraid of heights might feel like in an airplane about the skydive for the first time. At some point you have to give up your fear and your ego and jump. You have to jump into faith - only then do you reap the benefits and feel the exhileration of that fall. I am by no means ready to jump out of an airplane, SCARY! But I'm facing other fears daily, and it's pretty cool.

I sent out a mailer last night about the show that is coming up at the Viper Room on October 25th at 9:30pm! If you did not get it, that means you are NOT on my mailing list. If you would like to be, e-mail me at franbetlyon@franbetlyon.com. I'd love to hear from you! :)

Have a kick ass day today. And as an old random guardian angel said to me once, FUCK FEAR.

Back in the saddle and a little rusty.

2010-10-16T21:14:00.001-07:00

Hello luvs,

A recent partner in crime suggested that blogging more frequently might be a great way to boost my creative disapline, so I thought I would give it a go. So it's 9:15 pm on a Saturday night - sort of a random hour to start a disapline, but let's go crazy! I've always enjoyed dancing to my own drum beat anyway. I've missed the practice of writing in this thing daily, truly I have. The inevitability of the artist's day job has sort of gotten in the way of my not so early morning ritual, so maybe it is time to wake up a little earlier and do the deal. We will see how it goes.

Tonight, I'm grateful to be wearing flannel and feeling cozy in my bed. Fall weather has finally arrived in Los Angeles and the overcast sky makes me feel homesick. We may have some cool weather, but we sure miss out on those colors! This is the picture on my desktop right now:

Ahhhh New England. How I love thee, two seasons out of the year.

So now that the weather talk is out of the way...jeez I'm rusty!

I've been writing songs lately, you guys. Cool songs. Some of them are dark and sort of sarcastic and weird. Some of them are more like little gospel tunes. Some sound a little musical theatery. But I'm loving this shit that is coming out of me. I'm telling you, to create is the best feeling on earth! And to SING! To shout out to the cosmos! I'm in love with it. I'm so glad that I get to do it. I'm so glad that I've allowed my passion to 'just be' to express itself however and whenever. I'm letting it flow these days. Sometimes that flow stays within my bedroom. Sometimes I share it with my live audience or youtube - but it's always flowing out - and whoever lives above, below, and beside me is definitely getting an earful. Sorry guys! I like to sing...loudly.

The demo is moving a long pretty slowly due to scheduling, but it is sounding sweet and pure and beautiful. I have a few very special guests playing on various tracks to add some magic to the mix. Other than that, when you hear it in late November/early December, you will be hearing me and my songs. That's it. No fancy shmancy shallow production, just the shiz. The songs and the voice. I haven't quite decided how fancy or low-brow I want to go with duplication yet. If you have any thrifty ideas for good-looking/practical/cheap packaging, let me know. I welcome all and any advice on the matter. I want them to be pretty and eye catching - but there is no need for high drama or polish. The key is simplicity here.

To be honest, I've had a lot of trouble trying to choose the material to go on the demo. Because I'm writing more material each week, I'm constantly wanting to add and subtract. I'm reading this awesome book my boyfriend bought me called "Songwriters on Songwriting" by Paul Zollo. It's so amazing! Interviews with all my favorite songwriters! (except Joni). But one of them, I think it's Bob Dylan said that you are always most in love with your latest song. And it's sooooo true. No wonder Bob is always playing his new stuff and giving the finger to his early hits - he doesn't give a crap about them. It's all about the new! I don't care how great my older songs are, my latest is always my baby. It's like a newborn. I'm obsessed with it and protective of it and want to show it to everyone. I love it so much that I want to make it my facebook profile pic! I am also so sensitive about its infant state that if anyone says boo about how much it sucks, I lash out with a fury of a million Queen Bees.

This can be a dangerous state of affairs. First of all, we songwriters can be sort of blinded by the song's newness. We think, this is it! This is the best one yet. But it is mainly because the shine hasn't worn off yet, it's like a new lover. We are excited by every turn and surprised by the lyrics and feel of the melodies in our voice. Whereas, the old songs can feel sort of stale and played out in our minds. The problem with this when recording a demo is that you need to record your actual BEST material for the listener. The people listening have most likely never heard any of your songs ever. Each one is presented on the same level, brand spankin new. So how do I get un-biased enough to choose the right material. I'm too obsessed with my babies! I keep wanting to throw the oldies out of the ship to save the newbies. I need some perspective, people! This is why writers have editors and musicians have producers. We need HELP.

Granted, the more I write, the more skilled I get. I can definitely see the difference between my newest material and my oldest. I've grown as a songwriter and singer and my range is more exciting now. BUT the hits are still the hits. I just really have no idea what they are. A few months back I had my audience at Room 5 vote during my set for the songs they would like to hear on a demo. The votes were pretty unanimous. The problem is that NOW I have at least 10 new songs that I like even better!

So here is my idea. I say, I will choose the songs for the demo based on the votes, the work I have already put in, and my favorite current material. Something sweet will come out of it - something that represents the past present and future of this year in my music. That demo will go in to the hands of you, people at shows, new friends, producers, record execs, managers, cool people, musicians, anyone who cares, and my parents.

THEN. I will record and release little singles from my home studio. I am just starting the adventure of home recording. My bf, John, hooked me up with the top of the line stuff to make professional sounding recordings from my apartment! Once I understand the ins and outs, IT'S GO TIME. I will be able to release whatever I want whenever I want. And who's to stop me? That is the genius thing about being an unsigned musician. No one is telling you when and where. You sing and release as you please! How about a two-sided single of glockenspiel nursery rhymes. GO! The sky is the limit!

So, the point is. My new stuff will keep coming. The amazing thing about this era is the speed at which I can record and share my material with a large mass of people. It's really exciting! and I intend to take full advantage of that. There is no stopping point. If I'm waiting for a stopping point to choose the final play list for the demo, I will never finish. I might as well, get'er done and move on.

Who's with me? Let's do this.

Synchronicity is the Shit!

2010-10-06T00:16:00.000-07:00

Hello loves,

It's been awhile since I've felt the urge to share something on this lil blog. Tonight I couldn't stop myself. I love when stuff like this happens! A wicked cool/meaningful/inspiring synchronicity happened to me tonight.

A few weeks ago I heard a wonderful speaker named Gregg Levoy. He spoke about following your most authentic life - your calling. You all know I'm all about leaping out into the abyss and following your calls - no matter how crazy or far out they feel! Well, this guy is the expert in discerning these calls in everyday life. He says we can find our callings in the mundane, in dreams, in symptoms, in our gut! He wrote a book that I'm reading called "Callings." You can also hear him speak about the book here ( this is a great interview) : Listen to Gregg!

Well, I'm flipping through the book after studying it for the last couple weeks and I stumble across something so strange. One of the people Gregg interviewed about living an authentic life and following a calling is MY UNCLE, Len Edgerly!?! How weird and amazing. There I am, reading the book, ladeeeeda, when I see my uncle's name and read an incredible story about how he left the corporate life to follow an inner calling to be a writer and live the bohemian life. This is in the section of the book about mentors. Len found one who helped him claim a new path. All of a sudden I'm reading about a member of my family who could possibly be a guide for me on my own path to living a more authentic life as a professional artist. Did I need a freaking published book to tell me that my uncle RULES? Apparently I did!

Synchronicity is a beautiful thing. It is one of those little codes that we can decipher to point us towards a more joyful, authentic life. Our minds are so loud most of the time. They put every person, place, thing, and life decision on trial for so long that we're lucky if we ever make a decision or make a change or make a difference! We're so busy analyzing that we are almost never receptive to the messages that are plain as day. Right in front of our faces. I'm so grateful for those times when I AM receptive - for those times when I'm searching for meaning - searching for a nod from the heavens. I almost always find a little road sign in the mundane when I'm open to it.

I found it today in this book. There I was looking for a way to connect with my inner yearnings more meaningfully - and what I found was my Uncle. A great guy who is living a life that I aspire to. He is definitely L'N THE D, you guys. He's always been there, being related to me. I just did not put two and two together until now.

Len is an amazing poet, world traveller, blogger, tech genius, Kindle enthusiast, family man, loyal husband, and Niece supporter! Check out his site and follow him on twitter. He's wicked popular and so smart!

Well, there you have it. You never know when a family member is going to pop up in the book you're reading! Or when God is going to smash you over the head with the obvious stick. But isn't it grand when life matches up in a choreographed dance for us? I guess when it does, we know that God just couldn't let our oblivious selves pass this one up! Not this time!

Here's to synchronicity!

Why be an apple when you're a banana?

2010-09-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hi folks,

It's night time. My bedroom window is open and a cool breeze makes for a comfy setting for blog writing: Long sleeved PJs, blankets, and Pandora classical station. I love the night air in LA. There has not been one hot night since I moved here, and let me tell you, I don't miss it. I like to wear clothes in bed...most of the time. My favorite PJs used to be 'sleepers' or 'footie' pjs - the kind that it's impossible to go to the bathroom in without unzipping and becoming completely naked and freezing. I actually have an adult pair of these with rubber ducks all over them. See picture.

(this is the 'sleeper' dance)

Long story short. I like cool nights. Like tonight.

I wanted to talk about a little game that has been sucking up a lot of my time and creative energy lately. It's pissing me off. I call this game "Apples to Bananas." It's all about comparing. But instead of comparing Apples to Apples - you compare two things that are nothing alike and have nothing to do with each other. IT'S WICKED FUN. Here is how it goes. Get online, start browsing facebook, follow a few stalkerish tangents, get bored, go to Youtube or twitter, stumble across a singer/songwriter/person you either know personally or admire, follow them for a bit, start watching videos, reading updates, looking at pictures, look at your OWN page/life and then SPIRAL DOWNWARDS INTO THE PITS OF MISERABLE, SOUL-CRUSHING, HELL.

Now, some of you may know my song "Jealous Girl." If you don't, I'm sorry. It will be on my demo coming out later this fall. If you want to know it, watch this video(the performance is a bit wonky, but you will get the idea):

This song is not exactly a work of fiction. I have a problem with coveting what others have. This behavior is somewhat under control because I'm actually pretty content with who I am, what I've got going on, etc. The thing that IS still out of control is the comparing. I look at what other people are up to and then I look at myself. And then I start to judge me based on them.

THIS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO EFFING SENSE. right? I mean what do I have to do with you? or them? Or anyone? Other than that we are both human and struggling through this life the best we can. No artist's music has anything to say about my music. No artist's hair has anything to say about my hair. And yet, I go there. I think that if so and so is successful and so and so is a macintosh apple - then I better be a macintosh apple too in order to be a success in the business. See, but this equation does not add up. 1+2 DOES NOT always = 3 in life. There are too many unknown variables. . There is no guarantee that what worked for one person will work for you. And even if it did, HOW BORING! Isn't it the uniqueness of our art, bodies, passions, journeys, opinions, etc the thing that makes life beautiful and interesting? I think so.

So why would I ever want to be like someone else? I have no idea. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with you. It's just that some people do this and that happens. And some people do that and this happens. We can't tell why! It might be the very thing that I dislike about myself or my music most that ends up getting the attention of the industry or a large fan base. I've actually always HATED my legs. I thought they were chunky and weird. I would do anything as a young girl to hide them. Come to find out it is my legs, MY LEGS, that drive my boyfriend crazy. He loves them. Who knew? Who ever knows? It's our flaws that make us beautiful.

How can I know what my own magic success formula will be? I can't. And those who pretend they know are full of shit. Sure, they might know what has worked for others. And in any business there are certain practices and numbers that add up to financial success - no matter how you slice it. Like hard work. I'm pretty sure that is almost always a must. But you cannot manufacture pure artistic expression - or the 'thing' that grabs people's hearts and moves them to tears. This thing just 'is.'

So I cannot be anything other than what I am. A banana. Frannie Banannie. That SOUNDS good. I nod my head to that...

But the entertainment business tells me otherwise. LA is a land where people create themselves, literally. Marilyn Monroe was not Marilyn Monroe until a bottle of peroxide. People can change their destiny with one little strategic image consultation. What if Pam Anderson never got boobs? ...Ok, the world would probably be a better place, but you get the point. I get so caught up in this idea that I need to change in order to be a successful musician. Like - did Janis Joplin just wake up and look and act like that? Well, probably after a bottle of Southern Comfort, yes. I KNOW the Beatles didn't hang out in suits 24/7 until their manager demanded it. People look around - they compare and contrast - and then make strategic decisions and changes. Do I need to do this? Should I be taking notes on the current music scene and bobbing and weaving and manipulating myself to find my place in the big scheme of things?

I just dyed my hair dark, dark brown - almost black. It used to be blond. That wasn't my natural color either, just FYI.

I'm not sure why I did it. I wanted a change. That's for sure. But I think I also wanted to play with my image as an artist. Like maybe 'Fran Betlyon' the singer/songwriter has a mod/dark/signature haircut. It's so frigging shallow. But I needed to do it. As an experiment. I would be naive to think that image is not important in the music business. I guess I just need to decide HOW important it is to me. How far am I willing to go? Will I base my image on other people or on me and what makes me feel good? That's the clincher. I hope that my image as an artist, as well as my music will represent my taste and my way of life.

In the end - as I've said before - I'm not out for world domination. I just want to be able to perform and write songs for a living. That is what I want. I should remember that I cannot experience anyone else's path other than my own. We all have something beautiful and unique to share with the world. The only way to allow that to develop is to go within, shed the bullshit, stop comparing and let the natural beauty and creativity flourish. That is the key. If you're a banana, be an effing banana. Bleach blond and big boobs aside, it's what is on the inside that counts. I guess if I spent more time working on my insides - all my outsides would improve: my body, my finances, my career, my relationships, my music, etc. How could they not! It's a ripple effect.

The more energy we expend comparing and envying our fellows - the more we are depleted and deflated. Comparing and complaining creates more of the same and before you know it, you've wasted a lifetime envying others and not living your life. WELL EFF THAT! Not I! I am determined to nip this behavior in the bud. God knows how I will stop, but I hope to at least make a dent in the wall of stupid behavior. I'm releasing it into this cool night air. Get thee gone, bullshit!

If you have any practical ideas for being better at life, let me know!

Livin the dream V Keepin it Real

2010-08-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

Good morning blog,

It's been a long time. I was trying to figure out why it's been so long since I felt the urge to write on here. I guess it's a mixture of things. 1) I've been working at my day job a lot more - which sort of cut into the time I had in the morning to sip java and pontificate. 2) I have a boyfriend now. It's really awesome. But also something that I did not feel the need to publish to the world, at least in detail. My life feels a little more private right now. 3) Shit is weird! Oftentimes I have felt like I have nothing to share, and who cares about this stupid blog anyway. But the answer to that question is I DO.

So here I am. I recently had a convo with my good friend Alfie about artist blogs. He kept a blog during his trek towards Broadway. It was amazing. He started a blog called basically "Follow me on my way to Broadway." And two years later, he was there, in "South Pacific" at Lincoln center. Talk about manifesting dreams. He worked his ass off, and took it one day at a time, striving towards his goal and achieved it. And his blog/online fan base got to take the journey with him. Just fyi - the final performance of his show just recently broadcast live on PBS. It's fabulous and definitely worth watching on repeat.

Anyway! We were talking about one of the dilemmas of making a public journey towards your dreams. People are rooting for you and expecting dramatic results - either positive or negative. As an artist who has decided to share the personal side of this journey with her friends, family, and fans - how do you KEEP IT REAL? For instance, being on Broadway for the first time was one of the best and hardest experiences of Alfie's life. It was equally exciting, thrilling, mind-blowing and disappointing, exhausting, and challenging. How does one respond to "OMG, alfie!!! You are on Broadway!!! That's amazing! Are you so excited? You're living the dream???" I guess all you can say is, "Thank you. Yup!" Why go into detail. But the truth is, life is life. And sometimes, it's not that exciting.

I'm by no means where Alfie is in his career - but I'm on my way- and I'm so often compelled to exaggerate- to make people like me, yes, but also - even just to make people feel better. It's like how we all want to believe in love. So we watch romantic comedies where there is a happily ever after. But truly - the AFTER - is the interesting part and the bumpy part. It's not pretty all the time. So the dilemma is, are we upfront about it, or do we frost it over with some pretties and generalized play by plays to 'keep the dream alive' so to speak. Is it more important to make people 'believe' that the dream is being lived out here in LA? or to keep it real and be upfront about the challenges and bumps in the road.

I think the answer is probably a mixture of both. Going into too much detail about one's personal issues in a public sphere is sort of...in poor taste. It's really popular these days. And I'm sure I've already crossed that line many times. But some of those things are best kept close within the inner circle of trust. But some other things - the big questions - the stumbles that you learned from - the disappointments that you move through - I think those are important to share. It's like sharing the dream in mini after school specials where there is always a resolution and moral at the end. That is the way most of my freaking blog entries are anyway.

And sometimes it's important to share the mundane too. Because no matter where you live or what you are doing - you still have to get yourself out of bed in the morning, brush your freaking teeth, do your job, eat some food, and take a poo. That's life. And all of us are living it. The people who we consider to be living the good life - are pretty much doing the same things we are - with the same worries. So it's important to level the playing field.

Just in case any of you thought I was happy all of the time and Ln the D 24/7. IM NOT.

The weird thing about life is that the pursuit of happiness can be a struggle. You don't become a soft, shiny stone in the river by laying on the beach and getting a tan. You get it by being tossed and thrown around in the rapids for years and years. Wear and tear makes you a stronger, more beautiful human being. I believe that engaging in challenges can buff out your imperfections. It makes them a little smoother. But you have to ENGAGE life. You cannot run away from it. If I'm living any dream right now - it's the one I have had of becoming the woman I have always wanted to be. Day by day I try to do a little better. I show up for my life. I sing. I love. I put pretty clothes on and do my hair. I am becoming that lady i dreamed of on my mom's water bed in Jacksonville, Florida when i was 12 years old. At the time I believed with all my heart that I would never be kissed. I felt ugly, worthless, sad, uncomfortable, unlovable, and angry. I was an angsty little pre-teen. But I hoped that some day it would change. AND IT IS CHANGING.

Thank you GOD! So for THAT I am super excited. And it is completely important to share.

The only other plug I have for the day is this. I'm working on getting my music out to a broader audience - this is also in anticipation of releasing some new material this fall. I've been recording some songs - very low-fi - but also very beautiful stuff. I can't wait to get it out to the world! There is a really neat site called reverb nation that I believe is going to help me do this. You can go there and hear some of my music, by mp3s, look at pics, see upcoming shows, and links to all my other stuff. It's pretty neat. You can become a fan there, join my mailing list, and many other cool things. So check it out! You can even share this widget on any of YOUR sites and blogs. Do a little PR for me. :)

At some point I will be stream-lining all of the sites I'm keepin up right now. It's a little scattered. But for now, this is what we're up to. There is a cool way to create merch on the reverb site too. ANY T-SHIRT DESIGNS swimming around in those creative minds of yours???? Send them my way! I'll put them on a shirt, make them available on my store, AND buy one for you. haha. You can send ideas and designs to my personal e-mail and if you don't have it - send to this: franbetlyon@franbetlyon.com

LOVE TO ALL.

2010-08-25T00:29:00.001-07:00

poetry feels good.

2010-08-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

Hello loves,

I'm in New York City, working a trade show for Terra Traditions. I got a little nudge from my sweetie to write while I'm here. Well, a song has not come out yet. But I jotted down this poem and wanted to share it.

A morning stroll in the Big Apple

I like you on my arm

a comfy blanket to snuggle up with

feeling soft like jelly

by your side

But this morning

I'm alone

I walk with purpose

through the busy streets to my destination

Invincible!

Unstoppable!

The taxi cabs honk my soundtrack

and the whistlers keep time

The city is my dreamscape -

limitless possibility

untamed passions

wild adventures

are all to be had as I stroll with my sunglasses on

Smiling at the man with the walkie talkie

Hopping over a puddle

and humming that tune

the one that always comes to mind when I'm walking in New York

Come and meet those dancing feet

On the avenue I'm taking you to

42nd street!

or is it

It don't mean a thing if you aint got that swing

Do wa do wa...

Yes, that's it

Do wa do wa

do wa do wa

do wa do waaaaaaaaaa

But then I see it

That billboard that always makes us laugh

My thoughts turn to you

I stop and take a picture

wishing you were here

then continue down 5th Avenue.

I'm not Madonna. Is that ok?

2010-08-03T09:54:00.001-07:00

Good morning loves,

Why is it that I always feel I should be some way - other than the way I am? Do you ever get that? I sure as hell do.

Lately my desired characteristic is blind ambition. I want it. I wish I was that way. Not blond ambition. I'm already fake blond. I mean Blind! Like the kind Madonna had.

You know the types. I know the types. A lot of them live in Los Angeles. People who are on a one track path to Glory or fame or success in whatever their field is. There is no surrender. There is no stopping them. They WILL make it to their goal come hell or high water and when they tell me this, I believe them. These are the movers and the shakers. Their profession or art or goal defines who they are in every way. They live and breathe for it. And because of this blind obsession and hard work and hustle - they are REALLY GOOD at what they do. How could they not be? They do it all the time. And it pays off. There is no plan B or C. There aren't really other desires floating around in their brain. There is the THING. The thing they must do. This is a life of obsessive purpose.

I...am not this way. By nature. My life is a little more scattered, a little less organized, a little more relaxed, a little ADD, a little too fun, a little laid back, and also more balanced. Unfortunately, in this context, I really value peace of mind. Anything that messes with my serenity and general health goes under serious observation and might end up getting cut. I value my spiritual life and my quality of living over anything else. It's true. By quality - I don't mean material things. I spent the last couple weeks coming up with creative ways to live off of Ramen noodles and carrots. I mean quality experiences. Lasting relationships. Beautiful art and music. Meaningful conversations. Uplifting scenery. Bladder crushing laughter. Unforgettable performances. And precious hugs. These are the things I love about life. These are the things I want to enjoy and treasure from this moment on, no matter what. There is absolutely no goal that comes before...the everything!

So, my beef is. I guess that means a different sort of career for me. The kind that does not envelop my entire life. The kind that enriches life and makes it fun and meaningful. Hopefully the kind that supports my everyday necessities. But in the entertainment business, there is this sort of expectation. This myth, I hope. That if you are not 100% dedicated and obsessed with obscene success in your art and fame, you will not make it. Can this be true? Is this true? Because if it is, I'm screwed. I can't be bothered with that kind of one track thinking. I love what I do. It brings me joy and it makes other people happy. But is it my reason for living? No. Is it my religion? No. Is it the main condition on the quality of my life and happiness? No.

So maybe the BIG SUCCESS is for the people who really want that overwhelming career. Maybe it's for the people who want to be driven by what they do and nothing else? I don't know. Maybe it's noble? There definitely is a need for people like this in life. Without them, we wouldn't have Madonna or President Obama or Oprah. We need career obsessed humans - because they don't stop and they make HUGE changes. Like when Madge went musical theater and starred in Evita. EARTH SHATTERING.

I guess I'm just whittling down the idea that I'm not one of those people. And is that ok? Is it ok to be small time? Is it ok to want a quieter life? Is it ok to not want to make the bigtime? And more importantly - is it possible to be a professional in the music world, without that sort of success? I really hope so. I"m starting to imagine what that might look like. I think it could be really wonderful and creative and satisfying. I think I'm on my way there. Totally.

I personally think anything is possible. So the most important thing to do before you dream your dreams and put them into action?... decide what your dreams are. What I'm in the process of doing is deciding that my dreams are just enough. They are good enough. They don't need to be any bigger or grander than they are. And when they need to be bigger - they'll grow. And when they need to get smaller - they'll shrink. For now, I am imagining a life that is more wonderful than I ever thought possible. Well rounded. Full of love. Creative. Funny. And KICK ASS.

I truly am living the dream. L'n the D, as we say. It's just not the one I thought I should be living. Isn't that the way?

xo

Santa Fe is full of rainbows and fried pickles. I'm in love with it.

2010-07-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

I just wanted to check in and put some words down. I'm sitting in the Albuquerque airport drinking some strong Seattle's Best coffee and enjoying the free wireless connection. I already feel like I'm re-entering the hustle and bustle of modern civilization. I have spent the last couple days enjoying the outskirts of Santa Fe, NM and my mind slowed down, exponentially. It was divine. As I prepare to board the plane for busy, sunny, smoggy Los Angeles, I'm tempted to record some of my impressions so they won't run away from me the second I hit the ground. It only takes a few minutes to lose that intense connection to the earth and sky that I feel in New Mexico. So let me tell you what it is like and show you a few pictures.

I love the south west. The colors and light that characterize the landscape have been inspiring artists for centuries and it is no different with me. I am struck by the natural beauty every time. But looks aside, there is a spiritual drumbeat in New Mexico - it's like you can hear the sun beating down on the desert ground - or in our case the rain. It rained a lot this weekend, very rare for the area. I've never seen so much rain in the desert, but I've also never seen so many rainbows. The clouds were creative and ever changing color and character - pissing down one minute- and parting the next to reveal the most gorgeous blue patch of sky or a 'sun dog.'

It's hard for me to stay annoyed in Santa Fe. Mainly because my attention is focused up and out - over the horizon and to the heavens. You can't help it here! It DEMANDS your attention. As we drove through the countryside, we could not see a building for miles and miles and the expansive beauty gave me hope and serenity. Everything feels simpler in this environment. It's a harsh climate - harsh and beautiful. I feel as if we are all at the mercy of God out here - and it feels good. It is impossible to forget the existence of that Great Spirit when you are surrounded by miraculous scenery.

As always when I am with my mother and her husband, Tim, we stumble across joyful circumstances and God shot moments. This trip was no different. From the rainbows, to a herd of smart-ass cows, to a white buffalo, and an impromptu ceremony by the fire in their backyard - I picked up a lot of feathers this weekend. Thier Native American friend and famous artist, Peter So Happy, told me about 'picking up feathers.' They are like messages from the Great Spirit. You find them randomly on your path, and you pick them up and take them with you. I took home many feathers this weekend.

(Mom's backyard)

One of them was the discovery of swing songs - Native American love songs. Peter sang a traditional crow song to us by the fire as the sun set. It told the story of a man and woman walking together with the blessing of the great spirit, hand in hand. I will never forget hearing it. Unfortunately, I cannot find anything about these songs online. Peter said the song had been passed down from over 2 centuries ago. It's a pretty well kept secret and in a way, I'm grateful that the masses have not yet completely discovered these traditional gems. I'll get him to teach it to me someday so I can pass it on in other circles I encounter down the road. Till then, I'll just have to cherish it in my heart.

I was also given a Native American name that night with a smudge ceremony and everything. I'm going to keep it private because it's very dear to me, but you can imagine how spiritually powerful a naming ceremony can be. In a way I feel like I have new purpose and can walk with my head held a little higher, because now I have a name in the ancient Crow lineage. I feel more connected than ever to the ancestors and spirits that have lived on this land for hundreds of years.

(Peter recounts some Crow legends and invokes the spirit as he gives me my name.)

Without giving all of the magic away, I can tell you that I feel as if I have been healed. I feel 10 pounds lighter - despite all the beans and cheese and BEST fried pickles I've ever had in my entire life from "The Hollar" in Madrid, NM. The sky and rain and dirt and sage cleansed me a bit. The quiet gave me some peace back. But I think what I receive most in the southwest is a sense of oneness with the big everything. It all becomes so big and I become so small. How can you worry when you're a tiny part of this?

It's been a year. HOLY NUGGET.

2010-07-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

Morning loves,

Just a few thoughts today. As I pondered over the event of my one year anniversary in Los Angeles...I didn't have much to say. It has been nothing like I expected it to be. And so much more. A lot has changed in a year - and yet it feels like I blinked. How did it go by so fast?

This is me in Italy on the day I decided that something needed to change. I was going to move. I was going to sing. I had no idea what was going to come next. I look freaked out.

Here's what happened:

I started to build a career. A career that I love and believe in with all of my heart and soul.

I got sober. Last week I celebrated 9 months with no booze or drugs in my system. It's a crazy trip and the hardest most rewarding thing I've ever done.

I wrote a lot of songs. I think I have almost 3 hours of solid material now.

I got bangs.

I met some amazing friends and teachers and musicians. I have a community here. And it is supportive beyond belief.

I learned a lot this year. Walking out on stages and into situations that were foreign to me and just singing, just being. Facing fears makes you grow. I face them a lot out here. I'm often afraid that I am not good enough - that my songs and my voice are nothing special. I have to face that head on almost everyday. I have to claim my space in this world, in this industry, on that stage, in a room. I have to claim it and proclaim that I deserve to be there. And after a year of practicing this, I'm starting to believe it more and more.

I really grew in my faith. Without God, I'm up shit creek without a paddle. For serious. Everyday, every hour, I am learning to check in and connect to something greater - something beautiful and loving. God is helping me give of myself to others in a more selfless way.

I got a boyfriend. Lost a boyfriend. Dated. And got a new boyfriend this year. We are still in the quiet stages, but I may be ready to shout about it very soon. Stay tuned on that.

I got tan. Because I live in LA.

I travelled to St. Thomas with Essence of Joy Alumni Singers and had the time of my life. I like boats and snorkeling and friends and singing.

I played shows. Each one was different. None of them were perfect. All of them had beautiful moments where the music and me and the audience vibed together in that spiritual place that only exists in live performance. I live for it!

I sang with people. Ladies: Mar, Emma, and Drea. Men: Jared, Dave, and John. Sharing music with them made me happy and continues to bring a lot of joy to my life!

Most importantly, I am remembering a moment I had with my Dad the day after I arrived. We were standing on the balcony outside of his hotel room in Ventura - looking out at the ocean. I had just started reading an inspirational book by Robert Schuller. Dad asked me what I wanted to accomplish in a year. I don't remember everything that I said, but I do remember saying that I wanted to record a CD - something really beautiful and amazing. Well, it's been a year, and I'm really excited to say that I go into the studio today to start work on my demo!!!!!! I have some songs that I'm in love with. I'm ready to sing them and play them and make a beautiful vignette of this year. Johnny Lee Schell is a grammy award winning producer and a kick ass guitar player. He will be recording my songs, starting today at 1pm. I know that by the end of the summer - a demo will have taken shape that I can share with you all.

So in a year, I have reached my goals and achieved many more that I did not even know I had. The initial leap of jumping in the car with my stuff and moving out to Los Angeles on a hunch has paid ultimate rewards. Walking in faith is such a trip. You never know what you're going to get. And you always get more than you could have dreamed. You get the good stuff. The gooey stuff. Like love. and peace. and contentment. and family. and creativity. and beauty. We always seem to forget about those things when we are dreaming. I can honestly say that I have less money then I have ever had. I have less financial security than ever before. I need a job. I don't have a record deal, or a tour, or a manager, or any sort of awesome success in this business yet. I don't have much material success at all. But I have a whole lot of the true kind of success. I'm happier, healthier, more spiritually fit, stable, positive, and creatively productive than I was a year ago. I sing better. I write better. I play guitar better. And I perform better.

I also love better. Myself and others.

I think it's been a great year. Thanks for coming along for the ride with me. Let's keep going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was my theme song when I drove out here. It still makes me want to move!!!!!!! My body.

You don't have to be famous to write a song that changes the world.

2010-07-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

GOOD MORNING

I'm inspired. I went to Huffington post today and found this article: "Crawfisher Dan Landry Uses Folk Song to Urge Oil Commission to 'Do the Right Damn Thing.'

I'm not a political person. It's the only factor that keeps me from being a die hard folkie. But I do care about the world and the people in it. I believe that we leave heart and compassion and humanity and common sense out of politics too much. Well, I'm so glad that someone had the balls, and felt called to sing his song in front of the people who are making the decisions about this disaster. Drew Landry is a hero. And THIS is why I love folk music.

THIS is what it does. It speaks the truth. Simply. And it cuts through all the bullshit and touches your heart. It can change the world. Look at Bob Dylan's little folk song "Blowing in the Wind." It became the anthem for the civil rights movement. THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT.

As artists, we can sometimes feel unimportant (I know that seems impossible). But it's true. Are we only serving ourselves and our own needs? Are we selfish? Is it meaningless? Will our music ever do any good in this world? Or our art? Or our movie? Well - it won't. Unless we share it. Unless we write it. Unless we put it in front of the world. Drew Landry wrote a song. Big deal.

But he played it for us. Now it's out of his hands. He gave it away. And the music will do the work now. And it did a lot for me. It made me internalize a tragedy in a way I had not before. He made the oil spill my story. Through a song. That is the power of music. To make us feel the universal heartbeat and connect us - to an issue or an idea or a feeling.

I'm moved! I'm moved to do some research and see what I can do to help out the people in Gulf. The crawfishers. The people like you and me who are in danger of losing their homes once again.

Thanks Drew!!!!!!!!!!

Setting an intention...to ROCK

2010-07-12T09:19:00.001-07:00

Hello my darlings,

It's monday morning! Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaawwww. I woke up earlier than usual today. I decided to try out something new. I set aside 30 minutes to pray, read, and meditate a little. I guess you would call it a morning devotional. It was nice. I burned a little incense, chanted om, read some things, sat cross legged and watched my thoughts and my breaths for a bit. It's such a simple, easy thing to do. And yet it's so difficult to actually do it! I'm glad I did. I feel a little lighter and more focused this morning. I feel as if I will walk with purpose today. I guess it's sort of like setting an intention. If you wake up and are immediately rushed and hurrying to your job or your thing and thinking about a million paths - your day will inevitably feel scattered and unfocused. You might feel overwhelmed and unproductive. But if you wake up a little early and take some time to sit and breathe and think about the day ahead of you - connect with some inner peace - get your priorities in some sort of manageable order - your day will be smoother....I think. WE'll SEE!

It was a wonderful weekend! The show on Friday was just what the doctor ordered. Literally. I was feeling a little burnt on the Hollywood club scene. It was not feeling like fertile ground for artist development - more like the school of hard knocks. But I wanted to play a room that was quiet, where new people could hear the music and maybe get into it. That is exactly what I found!

Enid and Edgar Vintage in Silverlake is this wonderful business owned by an artistic and nurturing couple with a vision to support the local artists and musicians in this town. They set up a stage for acoustic music - burn sage- light candles - and provide a space for people to LISTEN and enjoy. There was so much love in the room. It was really cool to just sing and play and connect. No microphones, no amp, no antsy promoter trying to make some cash at the door, no drunken convos. Just music.

I realized this. No one said there is only one path to a career in music. The idea that you MUST do this and that, is bogus. The only thing you must do is your art. And then you must share it. I'm realizing that playing at venues I don't like, working with difficult people, doing projects I don't believe in -- all in the name of desired success is pointless. Maybe they know so and so. Maybe that club has a big name. Maybe this will look good in the future. blah blah blah. What is success anyway? Doing what you are told, arriving at a point of material gain, and being miserable? NO. I think it looks a little more like living with integrity - believing in what you do - living honestly - loving generously - helping others. If I go to where my values are upheld, it's a positive experience. Like my Mom always says, you don't go to the hardware store for milk. And you definitely don't go to Hollywood for a soulful, truthful experience.

So ANYWAY, I played my hour set. We laughed and had moments. It was special. I made a little money too. My close friend Drea Newell joined me onstage for a few songs as well. She is just getting her sea legs when it comes to singing live and it was a wonderful experience to hold her hand along the way, let go, and watch her freaking soar! She's got talent and soul and lets her beauty shine from within and without! You must hear our cover of Mahalia Jackson's spiritual anthem, "I"m Going to Live the Life I Sing About in My Song."

I heard this song on a vinyl album I picked up my first week in Los Angeles. It knocked me off my feet. Such a powerful intention! Jeeze! I aspire to it. My friend John - who lives back in Boston - transposed the chords from a more difficult jazzy arrangement to something I could handle on guitar. So lucky to have talented and generous friends in my life!

I played a lot of new material and got great responses all around. It is becoming more and more apparent that I need an EP. Something to offer at shows so they can take some of these songs away with them. I'm calling a studio today in LA and booking some time so we can get crackin! Cannot wait to have some beautiful versions of these tunes for you all to hear.

In closing, I'll say that it's all about intention for me today. I set an intention to build my fan base and play in areas around town that were not so...boozey. That is exactly what happened. My larger intention for life these days is to just show up and be of service to my community and the people in my life. I want to offer up my talents and my time to others. That is my intention. It feels good. It feels so much better than selfish motives and crazy, overwhelming goals. A simple, pure, and spiritual intention can completely overhaul your life. This is what I'm experiencing today. It's really cool.

Be on the look out for a few more videos from Friday night! I'm going to post them later today on my youtube channel. If you haven't subscribed, do it now! http://www.youtube.com/user/fbetlyon

Love love love

Let's hear it for public radio that doesn't suck

2010-07-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

Hello my dears,

LA has one good radio station. Can you believe it? One of the larger cities in our great country! Some would say a hub of the entertainment industry. We set the trends here, for shits sake! But for the life of us, we have crap radio! Top 40, rap, and latin. That's it. EXCEPT for KCRW, 89.9. Thank God for you. This is a public radio station based out of Santa Monica college, and it rocks!

I was listening to the show "Morning becomes Eclectic" today. I was sort of listening. Mostly thinking and driving. Then a song stopped me in my tracks. You know when this happens! It's like the heavens open and God starts talking to you through this song - or a tree - or some random beautiful thing? Well, today it was this song, and this particular performance of this song. It's a classic, usually performed by Johnny Cash. But this gem was a live performance by his daughter, Rosanne. The song is "Satisfied Mind." The song is beautiful. And true.

Watch the performance live here! Rosanne Cash singing "Satisfied Mind"

I think that being satisfied with what we have in any given moment is the key to living a joyful life! Craving the future or heightened experiences and things keeps us in a constant state of suffering. Any moment we can take throughout our days to be grateful. To smile. To enjoy breathing and living and loving and working and playing and sleeping and eating. This teaches our mind to be satisfied. This is a beautiful practice. And what a beautiful song!

So, I salute you KCRW! And WERS in Boston. And all the public and college radio stations out there that play good music. I should give you money. But right now I'll just give you a blog shout out! And I'll keep listening. Because it enriches my life! For serious.

Shopping and Singing at Enid and Edgar. THIS FRIDAY!

2010-07-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

Good morrow, my fine friends,

I need to stop watching "The Tudors" on netflix.

Guess what? I have a show this Friday. It's at this cool vintage clothing store called Enid and Edgar in Silverlake. It is funky and weird and right up my alley! $5 to get in. Music starts at 9. I go on at 10. I play for about an hour. It will be well worth it! My gorgeous friend and soulful singer, Drea Newell, will be joining me for some back up vocals.

Here is a link to the venue: http://enidandedgarvintage.com/enidvintage/home.html

It is located at 510 1/2 N. Hoover Street, Los Angeles, CA 90026.

ARe you excited??????????????? I am.

My friend John Soares designed this kick ass poster. I love it. Do YOU love it?

I am in the market for a fun, flirty vintage sun dress. Maybe I'll pick one up after the gig!!!!!!! Shopping and singing? YES PLEASE.

I leave you with this video. 1-2-3-4 friends you should bring through the door. 1-2-3-4 dollars plus 1 for the show. 1-2-3-4 hugs I'll give you at the store.

I wrote a song. And I sold it. And it's awesome.

2010-06-30T11:02:00.001-07:00

Good morning!

Well, it's a great day to be alive. I feel good. Dragged my butt out of bed to meet with my sweet trainer who kicks my ass with a smile every Wednesday. We had a good laugh. Then off to the bank to withdraw my rent money, post office to send a package, and my hood Starbucks for the iced coffee fix. It's been a full morning and I haven't even blogged yet. And one of the reasons I feel so great - the reason the mundane feels joyful today - is because...it's happening.

It's all happening, you guys. The things that I hoped would happen, are. Now, how does that work? I have no idea. I think it has something to do with faith and attitude and energy and light and hard work and God. AND surrendering my own will and believing it will work out in the end. If we are always doubting that there is going to be a happy ending before the credits roll, how are we supposed to enjoy the movie??? But when we know it's all going to turn out well, we can laugh and cry and enjoy the ride because we have faith that the characters are going to live happily ever after. Well, I'm enjoying my movie today. Because I have faith.

I've had a lot of financial worries lately. I don't write or talk about it much because really, what are you going to say? Big surprise! I'm a singer/songwriter with a part time job and money is a concern. I made the choice to live this life. And I'm so glad I did. I don't need fancy clothes and shoes and apartments and vacations to be happy. I just want to live my life and make music and enjoy the little things with friends and family. And I'm doing that. Seriously. But I need to pay those bills. So the last couple months have looked like this: worry, worry, surrender, faith, faith, happy, tired, worry, worry, surrender, faith, faith, happy, and REPEAT. The good thing is that the faith always came around and I was able to get some peace about the situation. Once I released my money concern, the problem seemed to go away. It's a freaking phenomenon!

So lately I've been doing the worry/faith dance and I was really caught up in ME and my shit. I was tired of thinking about me and my shit. So I decided to release the money doubts do some things for other people. Which I did. One of these things was to write a theme song for the company I do some freelance work for, Terra Traditions. I was asked to do it months ago, but sort of laughed it off, and felt awkward about it. But I saw this as the perfect opportunity to be of service with my music and talent and stop thinking about ME. So I did it. I wrote a little ditty. And I made a little video to go along with it. Done and done. Wasn't expecting anything in return. It felt good!

Well, I showed it to my boss, she loved it, wanted to post it to the company's YouTube channel immediately, and wanted to pay me very generously for the song. WHAT??? Amazing! All of a sudden, I have money to pay my rent, and I made this money from WRITING A SONG!! Eureka! It was an amazing feeling. It IS an amazing feeling. When I got out of my head, used my gifts to enrich another person's experience and business, I was rewarded and my financial concern was relieved. It was like a Christmas miracle! haha.

See, I don't believe that God gave us gifts and talents to keep for ourselves. You will not be rewarded unless you give it away. Isn't that crazy? That is the whole philosophy of living an abundant life. We receive exactly what we give away. But we feel like it should be the opposite. I have to keep these things for myself -- or else I'll be depleted! For example, my writing time is precious, I need to spend it writing my own songs and my own story and practicing for MY gigs so I can go and get MINE. Well, you know what I get in return when i act this way??? A whole lotta loneliness and regret and dissatisfaction. When I think who can I jam with and write with and sing for and write for and give to - I'm so beautifully rewarded. I mean, beyond words!

This time, I was rewarded with cash. And that felt nice, I'm not going to lie. I wrote the song and sold it to Terra Traditions. They own it now. And I've got some money. But sometimes the rewards come in other ways. The point is, I will live a small, uneventful, boring life if I hoard my talents, focus on myself, and how to move forward in my career. That is just not how it's done.

When I release it. When I give it away. When I offer it to the people who ask. When I take the time to be grateful for what I have. I get joy back. I get money back. I get love and support back. I get to live an abundant and happy life! That is what I have today, and I'm so grateful.

And NOW!!!!!!!! dum de dum dum! The theme song for Terra Traditions:

(I will be re-recording the song for TT so they have a crisper rendition. But this is what we have for now. ENJOY!)

I believe in musicals. Again. Thanks to IN THE HEIGHTS!

2010-06-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Good morning wahhhld,

I'm excited today. Mainly because last night I saw a new musical, well newish, and it blew me away. If you've talked to me in the last couple years, you know that I'm less than pleased with the state of musical theater and Broadway in particular. I'm tired of the revivals, the star vehicles, the shows about music we have already heard, the LOUDNESS, the plastic acting, the bullshit perfection, and the money money money. Where is the HEART, Broadway? Where?

Well, I found it last night at the touring production of "In The Heights" at the Pantages Theater. If you live in LA, GO NOW. Don't even think about it. Just buy a ticket. You'll be happy you did.

This production is ALL heart. It's electric, raw, original, funny, and beautifully done from the set to the casting to every last word. It's the story of a family - a neighborhood - on a corner in Washington Heights - and how they change and grow and learn to stand up for what they love and be who they were meant to be, together. It's also the story of an immigrant community in New York City - music, food, laughter, dancing, pride, tradition, and language! It's a celebration of Latin culture. But it's also completely and thoroughly AMERICAN. And it's beautiful. It makes you want to dance. And it also makes you cry. The brilliant writer/composer/star, Lin-Manuel Miranda, gives each generation a chance to tell us how it is - and the moments moved me to tears. We have the returning college student, afraid to let her parents down - the proud father, worried about becoming useless to his more advanced child - the loving Abuela - who sees everything in the light of the past and lives by faith alone. These are just a few of the characters that pop and bring a real life experience, and a real culture, and a real struggle onto the stage with vibrant, raw, and touching colors!

Then there is the music. It's about time we heard something original on Broadway. The entire score is complicated and messy and full of life. It moves to the beat of the current rhythm of that neighborhood - rap and latin and pop all mixed together in a fabulous American stew. It moves. I couldn't stop bopping my head and crying the whole time.

I must have looked like a crazy person. BUT this is why I love theater! This is what it should do. It should be the ultimate mix of all of the art forms, mixed up together on stage, and then let loose! A live performance should be scary and exciting and transformative! Not pretty and perfect and impressive. The body shapes on stage reflected the bodies I see on the street, the people reflected the people I know in real life, and the music and colors and lights were beyond amazing so that I was spiritually transported into the world. That is what theater does, when it is done right.

Here I am with the man himself, Lin-Manuel Miranda. He's got HUGE talent!!!!!!

My lovely friend Drea, outside the Pantages! Hand on Hip!

The corner of Washington Heights were it all goes down!

So bravo, "In The Heights"! Bravo as well, for creating a fabulous tour. So often the tours are less than awesome. I can't imagine that this one doesn't stand up to the original. So, if you're in LA, go! I was fortunate enough to win tickets from EDGE LOS ANGELES. Check out the site!

PS: I love falling in love with something. I want to know everything about it and hear it over and over again!

Warning! I like to talk about God.

2010-06-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Good morning friends,

It's a rare Tuesday that I'm not working at the artisan studio, social networking like a fiend. So I thought I would blog for a second. I know that this may not be the most popular topic - God, spirituality, and the like. But if you've ever read my blog, you know me. You know it pops up. Let's collectively breathe, open our minds, and move on.

I took a moment to check my Mom's blog today, Stephanie's Bible Blog. She is writing a Bible devotional book that focuses on the usage of different thematic words - soul, heart, body, mind, etc - all pertaining to the human body. So each blog entry is a different devotion on a theme. I came across this one today: Monday, June 14. I'll quote it below:

"Soul

And the Lord shall guide thee continually,

and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat

thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered

garden, and like a spring of water, whose

waters fail not.

Isaiah 58:11

Meditation:

What are the circumstances of my life that feel dry and unfulfilling?

Affirmation:

The Lord God is the ONE who ends the drought.

Prayer:

I surrender every detail of my life to the reign of your Merciful Love, Oh God."

It makes you think. What areas of my life are flowing, like a spring? What parts feel dried up and sad? It really has been my experience that God - or spiritual connection - is life's sprinkler! When you surrender the drought to God, or the Universe, or whatever you call it, a little green starts poking up. IT'S WILD. I know this from experience. A few things in my life that seemed completely unmanageable about 2 months ago....I surrendered them at this weird lecture given by Marianne Williamson, author of Return to Love, down the street. I just let them go. "Whatevs! These areas are dry and scratchy and sucky, and I've done everything in my power to fix them, and I can't. So God, maybe you can take over." All of a sudden, a month later, two months later....I'm in a freaking oasis! NOT EXAGGERATING. I feel like a watered garden right now.

Just think about where our human plans get us! Look at this mess in the gulf. Look at the state of our planet right now. I think it is because of what my Mom used to call a 'crisis of imagination.' Whenever we used to complain that there was nothing to do around the house! "This is the most boring day, place, thing, etc." She would say we were having a crisis of imagination. Inevitably we would concoct some creative, hilarious cure to our boredom. I believe that creativity comes from the source - the source of all good, the source of love. When our best plans are getting us nowhere...we need to connect with the source of creativity and imagination. There is often a fabulously creative solution to our problem - but without surrendering - we often do not find it. Soo often, my BEST idea is a million times worse than God's plan.

It feels counter intuitive, doesn't it. So let's say there's a drought, literally. What do we do? Do we just sit around and hope that God makes it rain? Well, probably not. People will start looking for water sources, making plans to save and ration what we have, sticking straws in cacti, and things like that. We will exhaust all of our human efforts to fix the drought. And yet...it's still not raining. When we surrender and allow God into the situation, I believe our feet start moving in the right direction without us even knowing it. We are somehow propelled forward toward the good - the love - the creative solution. And just as we stumble across a huge source of water in the desert, it starts to rain. FOR DAYS. The answer is always so much more miraculous than we could have imagined. That's how surrender and faith work. Our own imagination and problem solving often misses the mark somehow without it.

Last night, my friend Drea came over to have a little art project time. Our goal? To make the best vision boards in the world. Now, 'vision board' is a trendy term these days. Especially in LA. Everyone heard about the book "The Secret", because Oprah liked it. Well a lot of what the Secret talked about was visioning your life, and manifesting it. They call it the Law of Attraction. So if I am feeling really skinny and being really happy about being skinny, I will eventually be skinny. That's the IDEA. Well, I sort of came and went through my secret phase awhile back. I guess my reason is that I think God has much bigger plans for us than we could imagine - and much different ones too. How many vision boards are there out there about helping other people? Some maybe. But most of them have cars and pretty places and houses and money and success and love on them. Our ideas of what an abundant life on earth entails are sort of...shallow and short sighted. But I never give up the opportunity to make a collage! This is one of my favorite things to do. So we chatted and listened to music and cut out shit for our vision boards and glued them on the canvas, and it was a ball! And it made me feel fabulous! And I looked at the board, and thought, "This looks pretty good! I could handle all of this stuff in my life. That looks happy."

But in the back of my mind I'm thinking, what does God's vision board look like? Because that's the one I want to be a part of, and i know it's a gazillion times more interesting, beautiful, detailed, loving, and miraculous than mine!

See, we can make plans till our last day on earth. But eventually, we're going to use up all of the water. We're going to use up all of the oil. We're going to use up our material resources and tap out our human abilities.

It's time we connect to the eternal life source. That sounds soooooo Avatar, doesn't it. It's like we need to stick our ponytails into the earth. haha! But seriously. There is an overflowing well of happiness and light and joy - the kind that enriches and enlivens the SOUL. You find it by continuing to search for God and surrendering your life on a daily basis to this grand universe we live in. At least, that is my experience.

I know where the drought is. I've lived there. I've lived in the desert. And I've tapped out a lot of my resources and plans. I'm pretty much over that.

So anyway. THANKS MOM. For this wonderful blog post. It brightened my entire day! It overwhelmed me with this spiritual balm I will carry with me till my head hits the pillow. LOVE YOU!

"My Life is in Your Hands" - Kirk Franklin

An artist prepares...in a weird way

2010-06-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!

Woke up today with that line from "Waiting for Guffman" in my head, "It's the day of the show, ya'll." So it tis! I am very excited to be playing on the Sunset Strip. It just sounds cool! Doesn't it? It sounds like I should be wearing skin tight pleather pants and eye-liner and teasing my hair tonight!!!!!!! oh, wait....I am.

Just kidding.

But for reals! I feel so grateful to have a show and get to play my music for some people in a room. It's just magical. It's so much fun! It's what I love. How lucky is that?

And if you don't know, the show is at the Cat Club tonight at 8pm! 8911 Sunset Blvd, next the Whiskey A G0 Go.

I titled this blog, "An artist prepares" because I wanted to tell you what I have to do today to get ready for the show. I dont' have superstitions and all that bullroar, but I do need to do a few things.

#1 I am cleaning my room this morning. This is...really important. Sometimes when I'm feeling creative and life is happening and more and more good is coming into play - my brain becomes full. When this happens, my living space responds. Right now, it is fully overwhelmed. Books and art supplies, instruments and clothes, mail and records are strewn about. My room is in a happy creative disorder. But I need some order for this evening. The idea is that if I clear up the clutter in my space this morning, my brain will clear. When my brain is clear, I will have a better chance of remembering the freaking words to my own songs. So there you have it.

Task 1. CLEAN ROOM

#2 Blog - blogging was another way of achieving the goal associated with task 1. Just blog, get this shit out of my head, and move forward into SUNSET STRIP ROCK GLORY.

#3 Coffee at Starbucks. This is more of an addiction than a task. I start everyday this way. So why would I not do it today? That would be crazy!!!!!!!! Iced Grande coffee with two pumps of classic syrup, please. THANK YOU.

#4 I need to play a few of the songs that need some practice. I've added a funny element to one of the tunes that requires some coordination. That will need to be done a few times. Another new song is not totally ingrained in my brain yet. We'll do that one.

#5 Take care of my sobriety thing. It's important for me to make sure I'm not in any position to freak out and feel vulnerable to the drink, duh duh duh duh! One show I played a while back, I ate so much sugar before hand that I was totally high for the show and when it was over, I crashed. hardcore. It was bad. And I was in a bar. Not a good thing. So I will take care of that, which takes me to #6.

#6 Eat healthy. Note to self: Don't eat a piece of chocolate cake, a box of jelly beans, and a Monster energy drink before the show.

#7 Pick up my friend, Kaitlyn, and try to talk her into singing harmony for me on a few songs. If successful in coaxing, teach her said harmonies.

#8 Around 5:00 warm up and get dressed

#9 6:30 leave for venue and set up and talk to the sound dude

#10 7:55 Breathe, pray, get on stage

#11 8:00 Get out of the way and let the songs speak for themselves

So there you have it! It is my 11 point plan for preparing for tonight's show. I think it's a pretty good one!

My soundtrack for this cleaning room session is the Beatles album, Rubber Soul.

Could it be more perfect? I think not.

Aretha. You took the words right out of my mouth.

2010-06-14T14:23:00.000-07:00

I had an instinct to write out these lyrics today. For some reason, I'm having a hard time writing about what's going on in my head. But these were just popping out of me today.

So enjoy.

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever, we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

I run for the bus, dear,
While riding I think of us, dear,
I say a little prayer for you.
At work I just take time
And all through my coffee break-time,
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, forever we never will part
Oh, how I'll love you
Together, together, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only be heartbreak for me.

My darling believe me,
For me there is no one
But you.

Please love me too.

Answer my prayer.

I'm in love with you.

Also, sidenote. Is Aretha Franklin human? Seriously. Seriously.

I can't even stand it!

Romance comes in black and white with skinny eyebrows

2010-06-10T10:20:00.001-07:00

Good morning world,

I had a spring in my step as I briskly walked to my local Starbucks this morning for my Grande Iced Coffee with two pumps of classic. Why do you ask? Well...ROMANCE. Not Lady Gaga's Bad romance. I mean the real, slow burn, moonlit kind of romance.

I think it's making a comeback. And nothing could convince me more than my movie selection last night. I curled up in bed with my laptop and clicked through the list of instant watch titles on netflix. I came across an old classic. Now, I usually have really good intentions to watch the old black and whites, but am never really in the mood. This time, I thought. YES. That one.

The flick?

"It Happened One Night" - the 1934 romantic comedy, oscar winner - directed by Frank Capra and starring Clark Gable (swoon) and crazy eyebrows lady, Claudette Colbert.

It was absolutely awesome in everyway. The stupid part about it is, that this movie totally got a nod in a very un-classic, campy, completely pointless blockbuster hit: Sex and the City 2. Big and Carrie curl up and watch the movie in a hotel room and later on she takes a cue from Claudette's tricky hitchiking ways when she shows off some leg to get a cab in Abu Dhabi whilst wearing an effing BURKA. It's ridiculous.

But "It Happened One Night" is anything but. Besides the fact that it doesn't happen one night, it happens over a bunch of nights, this movie captures some classic themes of oldtimey romance that I think can be lost on us in 2010. These days we know nothing about delayed satisfaction. We want what we want when we want it and we usually get it! Our fantasies and material needs and the answers to our questions are usually just one little click away. Sex and love and even our most private lives are broadcast so widely these days that almost nothing seems sacred. And the notions of propriety, modesty, principle, and respect seem completely oldfashioned.

Well, this is a huge shame. Because I think Romance lives in these values. It's right there in the movie. Clark and Claudette end up on a bit of a wild bus adventure from Florida to New York City, dodging con men and hiding out from the cops. Because they become travel partners, and it's the 30s and they have no dough, they sleep in the same room. Clark puts a rope across the room with a blanket on top and calls it the Walls of Jerico.

Nothing is getting through there. And even though there are many moments in the moonlight throughout the movie where the fabulously attractive and witty couple could kiss - they never do. THEY NEVER DO. Not on screen at all!!!!!!!! At the end of the movie, after we find out that they have eloped, we hear a toy trumpet playing as the walls of Jerico tumble to the ground. Fade to black.

(Nope! They don't kiss here either. IN A HAYSTACK)

You see, it's about the romance. NOT ABOUT THE SEX. We don't need to see Clark and Claudette get it on! We got to see them fall in love. We got to see them respect eachother and get excited and get mad and make hard decisions. One of my favorite scenes is towards the end. Claudette asks Clark if he thinks he could ever be in love.

Ellie Andrews: Have you ever been in love, Peter?
Peter Warne: Me?
Ellie Andrews: Yes. Haven't you ever thought about it at all? It seems to me you, you could make some girl wonderfully happy.
Peter Warne: Sure I've thought about it. Who hasn't? If I could ever meet the right sort of girl. Aw, where you gonna find her? Somebody that's real. Somebody that's alive. They don't come that way anymore. Have I ever thought about it? I've even been sucker enough to make plans. You know, I saw an island in the Pacific once. I've never been able to forget it. That's where I'd like to take her. She'd have to be the sort of a girl who'd... well, who'd jump in the surf with me and love it as much as I did. You know, nights when you and the moon and the water all become one. You feel you're part of something big and marvelous. That's the only place to live... where the stars are so close over your head you feel you could reach up and stir them around. Certainly, I've been thinking about it. Boy, if I could ever find a girl who was hungry for those things...
[she comes around the blanket "Walls of Jericho" and kneels by his bed] (Her eyes are glistening with tears in that way they do in old movies)
Ellie Andrews: Take me with you, Peter. Take me to your island. I want to do all those things you talked about.

I mean, COME ON! It's amazing. And they DON'T KISS. He tells her to go get on the other side of the walls. This is the most romantic scene ever and they don't kiss.

Back in the day, Sex was not romance. But in 2010, it's the same thing. You will almost never see a movie where the romantic couple does not consumate the romance on camera. It would not be considered romantic if they didn't! But lust is not love. Love and romance bud out of those old values- respect and modesty.

Taking the time to know someone is very romantic, because it's tender and slow and noble. Love hangs out in Jane Austen books. Not in Pornos. That is why people love these stupid Twilight books. Ok? For no other reason, than that they are romantic. And do you know why they are romantic? Because Bella and Edward don't even do it until book fucking 4!!!!!! Book 4, Eclipse! Talk about delayed satisfaction! That's all the Twilight books are! He's a vampire so they can't do it. That's the reason it's so damn successful. Romance lives in that 'getting to know you' spot - in the yearning for someone - in the slow burn - not in the fast and the furious.

So the point of this is to add a little romance to your life. And I don't mean sex. I mean ROMANCE. Letters. Long talks. Walks in the moonlight. Gestures that are just because. Little cards. Little songs. Mixed tapes. Delayed gratification. Privacy.

Take your time getting to know someone! Even if it's not a love interest. Relationships are so much more interesting when it doesn't 'happen one night.' That's the brilliant thing about the movie. Love doesn't happen in one night. It happens over a sequence of nights and days and little moments here and there. A love affair is the collection of romantic moments shared between two people over a period of time - not a jaunt in the hay.

So now that I've solidified my status as a total Grannie. I hope you all have a very Romantic day! And ps> You don't need another man or woman in your life to have romance. Do something thoughtful and random for someone else today. Anyone! It could be your mom or your dog or your roomie. It will be sweet and tender and loving and definitely black and white movie worthy. xoxoxo

Listen/buy this song. I heard this man sing it at an open mic at the Gardenia. It encapsolates how I feel about Romance. It makes me cry everytime! It's called "Whatever Happened to Melody" by Ray Jessel.

Let's gather round the fire for some parlor singing, eh?

2010-06-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

Where in the world am I? Still in Cambridge, MA, but not for long. I came here to visit my friends and family after the wedding - had a whirlwind of a visit with lots of fun and a few surprises. Now I'm leaving on a jet plane tonight and will be back in LA before midnight west coast time. Life is so crazy. I don't know where I am or what I'm doing next half the time, but I'm experiencing that if I'm open to it - it's wonderful. I know I've talked about this before. It's becoming sort of a theme, I guess. But going with the flow one day at a time is seriously the best idea ever. I'm loving it!

Something really cool that came out of this practice was an idea to sit in a living room area at a house in Cambridge and sing some songs to my family and friends. I guess I just thought, why not? I'm out here! A year ago if anyone asked me to sing in a living room - parlor sing, as I call it- the answer would be no. NO. Hate it.

This time I intentionally set up a parlor singing event and it was wonderful and special and intimate and just the kind of setting for sharing stories through music. My closest friends and family in Cambridge and Boston gathered round a room in my mother's house for a few songs. We laughed and cried and generally had a grand time together. I suggest we take back this old tradition. Let's do it. Get your friends together, invite over a few musicians, and share your music and talents with each other in a living room over some drinks and snackies. Let's go back to the old days when the only entertainment in the living room was a piano and whoever could play it. Screw TV and chat roulette and twitter and facebook and video games. Gather around the proverbial fire and tell stories, with music or without. It's good for the soul!

Here are a few videos from my parlor singing event. I hope you enjoy them.

Also, if you live in the LA area or Boston area and would like to organize a parlor singing night like this one with me, just shoot me an e-mail at franbetlyon@franbetlyon.com. It will be super fun!

Songs about rainbows and what's on the otherside

2010-05-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

Good morning starshines,

It's the 'morning after the wedding' blog and I feel fine. I wanted to share some reflections on the day. First, I'll just share the pictures I was able to snap. Of course my camera battery died. These were taken with my iphone.

The stunning bride and her maid of honor. I wish you could see the headpieces. Works of art!

Dinner action shot with all-star bridesmaid, Cari, and Jack of all trades Best Man, John.

A little candlelight? Me with the brilliant bridesmaid, Anne!

Ok, let's just put this out there. I used to HATE weddings. No matter how hard I tried, or how much I loved the bride and groom or groom and groom, I always felt awkward. There was just something about commitment and family and friends in a big room with alcohol and bad dancing and weird/over share speeches and forced kissing and lots of waiting around and outdated traditions and ugly dresses and singledom in a room of couples that made me HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE. Weddings have just never been my cup of tea.

I'm not saying I'm converted completely. It's not as if I've seen the light. It's that I am experiencing absolutely everything in my life in a new way now. And I was able to enjoy Lauren Hall and Scott Cohen's wedding this weekend to the max! I guess...because I was sober.

****continued 2 days later****

Ok, now it's 3 days after the wedding. Haha. As I was saying, I feel like I have different eyes and different reactions and abilities. It's like these magic sober powers are coming to me that I haven't tapped into since I was a little kid. I feel open and hopeful and happy and trusting. I was able to show up for my dear friends and help out with their wedding without making it all about me and my little addictions and selfish neurosis. I was able to just be...present. And it felt so good. Who knew I could have fun at a wedding? And sober? Forget about it. I didn't even have fun at weddings when I was drunk! But having the experience over and over again that no matter where you are or what you are doing - you are enough, just the way you are in that moment - changes the whole picture. I feel like my little mind/body/soul is getting experience with enoughness, serenity. No matter what. It could be awkward or fun or sexy or hilarious or sad - and no matter what, I'm still there. There is no escape.

This is new territory for me. But I'm starting to feel comfortable here. The instinct to take off and escape my reality is still strong in me - but the more I stick with it, the more I'm realizing that reality is RAD.

Watching my friends make their vows and kiss for the first time as husband and wife, my heart overflowed with joy. And I felt it! Every blessed moment of it. And I wasn't jealous and I wasn't uncomfortable - I was feeling the love. The love for two people who have decided to 'just be' with each other for the rest of their imperfect lives together! The concept has always freaked me out, but I'm starting to see how it could be possible. I'm starting to see how one day at a time you just love someone. Not for the rest of your life - just moment to moment. And that makes up a lifetime.

As we danced to "Let's Dance" by David Bowie - I felt my body vibrate and my face light up at the pure silliness and sexiness of the dance. I was responding to all the energy around me moment to moment - and it had nothing to do with a 'buzz.' It was pure, unadulterated, joy. People were pulsating with sexual energy and laughter. It was amazing!

Experiencing life on life's terms and a wedding on the wedding's terms was an awesome experience. Life surprises you...when you let it. When we stop interfering with every event and relationship and second of our lives - manipulating it to be better, faster, more exciting, happier, more successful, etc - life surprises us by ROCKING. It is actually flowing in this weird, organic way. You know that old saying, "When God closes a door, he opens a window?" Well, I believe it's true. But when we are so busy trying to pry the closed door open, kicking it in, yelling at it, and calling a locksmith - we miss the miracle across the room - we miss the open opportunity. But when we surrender to the natural flow of our lives, we see those open windows everywhere, we feel the fresh air pumping through our lungs, and the courage to walk through to the other side is found in the inertia of our surprise and delight!

A HUGE MAZEL MAZEL MAZEL TOV to Scott and Lauren. My kind, loyal, and beautiful friends who are now husband and wife. Two people who were sharp enough to see the open window and courageous enough to walk through it, into the unknown, together!

I love you both,

frannie

NYC v LA in a cagefight. GO!

2010-05-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Good morning lovers,

I am on a Bolt Bus to Philadelphia from NYC as we speak. I love the modern age. 15 bucks and free wi-fi. Not a bad deal. My purpose in Philly is to serve my role as loving friend/made of honor to my gorgeous bride-to-be pal, Lauren Hall. I am very excited about this event - mostly to see two people who I really love tie the knot. I feel honored to be a part of such an amazing occasion. It really blows my mind when people get married. It's like I can't even comprehend it! It's something I want so badly and yet feel soooo far from, that when I am a witness to it, I get all excited! I feel like an explorer in a foreign land, taking notes and observing the natives in this weird commitment land. It's a land I would someday like to live in. But for now, I'll just be a tourist. I'm pretty good at that.

I was a tourist for a day in New York City yesterday, and I guess what I would like to blog about it how much LA kicks New York's ASS. In every way. Not that it's a competition, but I feel like a lot of people compare the two. You are either a new york person or an LA person. I am an LA person. Here is why:

I left Los Angeles at around 4:30 in the morning yesterday. It was a little chilly, beautiful morning. Bob Hope airport in Burbank was peaceful - white twinkle lights lining the palm trees - airport cargo workers waving us off as we taxied on the runway. Even at the butt crack of dawn, it was pleasant, smiley, and comfortable.

I arrived in NYC 5 hours later. It was 90 degrees and BALMY. A layer of sweat instantly covered my body. It took me two hours to get from JFK into the city - that was a train, a subway, and a taxi later. The smells and heat and personality of NYC always steal my inner comfort instantly! It is so in your face. All the time. There is no escaping the vibe of this city. It's like you're at a rave, 24/7.

If it was not for the vibrant arts scene and AMAZING friends I know and love in this city, I would not come here. Granted, there is always good food to eat, and maybe some of the greatest people watching in the world, but the general discomfort and grime that accompanies every excursion makes me want to curl up on a couch.

Give me the traffic of LA anyday. I'm in my car with my sunroof down, shades on, singing my songs and smiling at hotties in convertibles. In LA - you sort of choose what vibe you want to be in. The vibe does not choose you. In NYC, you have to surrender to the vibe. I think happy New Yorkers have done just that. They do not feel assaulted by the stench and the noise and the pace and the heat - because they have surrendered - they are a part of it! The flow of the city becomes their flow. I wonder if all the women in NYC get their periods at the same time...that's a really gross idea. But I bet it happens. And it's a full moon right now! Men of New York City, watch out!

So, long story short. In a cage fight, LA may not win. Because it doesn't care as much. It's too busy enjoying the sunshine. NYC would be all up in its face, punching and spitting and pissing and moaning and cheating, and LA would be like, "Hey man! Chill out. Have some mineral water and take a hike. It'll make you feel better. And hold this crystal, it will totally change your energy." So basically, LA would get it's ass kicked, but I've always been a pacifist at heart. So LA, I'm on your team. Let NYC do all the screaming and shouting, I'll be chilling with you at an outdoor cafe soaking up the rays and talking about yoga.

But hey, check out my friends band, The MLMs! They are based in Philly and I saw them last night at The Bitter End in Soho. This is an amazing track off their EP:

This is my jam right now. If you don't know Kate Miller-Heidke, check her out.

Alright, enough. Off to see my bride! Hopefully I'll get to do some updates throughout this wedding business. Pictures for sure!

Be nice to each other. Even in NYC. :)

New Song VLOG: Help me name it!!!!

2010-05-24T14:08:00.000-07:00

Morning folks,

Got a brand new song for ya today. I'm not quite sure what to name it. What do YOU think? Leave comments!

PS. did I ever tell you how much I appreciate you reading my blog/supporting this thing I'm up to? Well I do. THANKS! :)

It's not just a demo, it's a way of life.

2010-05-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

Folks,

I want to blog. I've been wanting to blog for an entire week. This past week life exploded on me. Conditions were a little out of control. Good and bad. It was one of those weeks were if you sit still for a second and try to figure out what is happening, you go mental. I just had to ride the wave.

I'm glad I did.

I met some new friends. I wrote about them last week. Our fast friendships did not end over cupcakes and fries. The English girl, Emma, actually moved in with me for a week or so. It has been amazing. There are times in your life when people enter in for a reason. Emma did. I have learned SO MUCH this week. It's insane. When you ask the universe for help, it answers. And sometimes it answers with a crazy pixie from London!

This past week I had to make a very hard decision about the demo I planned on recording in June. I had anxiety. Lots of it. I was basically freaking out about it. I had no idea where to steer this fast moving train I was on, who was driving, where I was going, and why I was even on the trip. I had roped some of my best friends into this crazy trip with me and we were all looking at each other going, 'What was the point of this again?' This trip was an EGO TRIP. Completely. I had convinced myself that in order to prove to you all and everyone else and myself that I was a good singer/songwriter and I had not spent a year of my life wasting time in sunny LA, that I had to record a spiffy demo. NOW. I put the money up for it. I grabbed my talented friends in Boston to help, and basically said to them - Will you do this for me? I'm not sure what it is gonna be, but just do it! We were butting heads. I was changing my mind and my mission statement on a hour to hour basis. I had no idea what exact sound or vision or design I wanted for the demo, I had no idea what roles me and my friends were playing in the process, I just knew that I wanted to record my songs, NOW. I wanted it to be kick ass. I wanted help. I wanted someone else to figure it out for me. And I wanted the whole entire fucking world to love me and believe in me.

tall order

Well. As I was hyperventilating in my self-inflicted anxiety attack, my new friend Emma swooped in. I think the universe sent her. She said, "Maybe you're just not ready. Big fucking deal. Take some time to fall in love with yourself as an artist, to nurture your songs, and do the demo when you are ready and know it's going to kick ass!" RIGHT!!!?????

ok. I started to breathe again. I realized last week, that no project or job or mission is worth losing your sanity over. Our purpose here on this earth is not world domination. It's not to force the universe to bow at our feet. I'm not even sure what the purpose is, but I am sure that when I'm bending the situation and people and things around me to fit into my crafted plan, it all goes to complete shit! It's not worth it. It's like me saying to God, "Look dude. I know you're powerful and stuff. But I think you've kinda been slacking, so I'm just gonna take over from here. I got this. Go do something else for awhile." As if I can do it better! As if I know what is best for everyone around me and my career and life in general. I don't know shit! All I know is that there is no rush. There is only this moment. And being honest with yourself, your God, and the people around you in the moment makes life a hell of a lot better. I am so much happier when I accept the reality of my situation - accept my limitations, accept my fears, accept the people, places and things around me - just the way they are.

I do not need to prove myself. Ever. Most of my life has been spent on that mission. I thought I had to MAKE you love me. I thought I had to perform to receive unconditional love. I thought that if I got an A, everything would be ok. But I'm learning that the process of proving and pleasing is deadly. It's just deadly. It sucks energy and joy out of situations. And it was sucking the joy and creativity out of my fucking demo!

So no more. When I record the demo, it's going to be out of love and it's gonna be a celebration of the songs that I just can't wait to record! It's going to be organic. It's going to feel right. And you know what? It's going to be effing good!

To everyone who voted at my show for the songs that will go on the demo, THANK YOU. You helped a self-doubter have faith in her music. You gave me such wonderful feedback and a lot more clarity on where I'm heading as an artist. To the poor talented saps who gave up their time and brain power and talents to prepare for this demo project, I love you so much and I hate wasting your time. I'm so grateful that you are in my life, and I can't wait to make music again soon.

I'm not sure what the next step is. But I have a writing session with an amazing, sober, singer/songwriter in one hour. I guess the next step is to write some fucking songs!

Love to you all,

(sorry for so many F words. It's one of those days) :)

Cupcakes and french fries!

2010-05-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

Good morning young lovers,

How are ye? I'm doing very well today. I thought I'd blog.

I had an awesome night last night. It was one of those unexpected, spontaneous nights - the kind you have when you're in a foreign country and you literally have NOTHING to do but go with the flow and see where you end up. It's funny, because in the old days, these nights that have become some of the most legendary and hilarious nights in my life ALWAYS included a lot of alcohol. And to be honest, sometimes looking back I realize that I had put myself in a lot of danger. But I used to LIVE for 'nights for the books.' That was my escape. It was like randomly stepping out of the day to day and stepping into a movie that lasts about 12 hours. Then it's over. You wake up. You brush your teeth. And you go about your normal life. All you have to show for it is a really great story. The friends, or men, or even grand ideas from the evening never lasted. But the story did. And that was usually the best part.

Well, it's funny, because yesterday I was mourning my old crazy self a little bit. I thought, is sober Fran destined for a life without adventure? How am I ever supposed to reconnect with spontaneous, outrageous, fun, crazy Fran if I don't drink or smoke weed? How? I just felt like maybe that part just doesn't exist anymore. And it felt sad. It's so funny how life works, because the Universe answered me loud and clear. The same day I had the fear, God said, "Nope! Sorry! But you will have adventure and crazy laughter and fun and spontaneity in your life! Deal with it!" haha. I love when stuff like that happens.

I had met this amazing lady my age from London a few days ago. She is part of a spiritual group I attend. We saw each other again last night and decided to get coffee with two other guys after our meeting. It was not supposed to be anything but a little extension of the meeting. Just hang out a little bit. But it really surprised me.

First of all, being around an English person always makes me happy. The time I spent in England in college is still one of the funnest times in my life and the friends I made there stick to my ribs, I love them so much. The sense of humor is PERFECTION. It always has been the exact right fit for my type of sarcasm and self-deprecation.

So we hit it off straight away. Plus, she is in travel mode. Which is the best mode ever. Travel mode is when you are seeking new experiences, new friends, new new new. You're up for literally anything. So she was getting me in the mode. And then, all the four of us did was sit at my favorite diner in LA, Swingers, and talk.

That was it.

But we laughed our asses off! I mean, it was just gelling. One of the guys is from Tennessee, has the most amazing accent, perfect comedic timing, and an incredible story! The other guy is from Beverly Hills and sings in an amazing rock band and has cool hair and is wild! We ate fries and cupcakes and laughed. It was a moment. We talked serious too. That's when you know it's a good night. One second you're pissing in your pants and the next you're talking about the real deal!

Well, so rocker guy says, let's go down to my studio on Hollywood & Vine and jam! My English friend takes one second, maybe half a second to consider, "YES YES YES!" Let's do that!

(Side note. Remember when I first moved to LA and my motto in life was to say 'YES'? I sort of started slacking on that. This night reminded me how rewarding it can be. )

My instinct was to say no. Go home. And watch old episodes of "Weeds" on my computer by myself. But I ignored my instinct, and said, LET'S DO IT!

And we JAMMED. We laughed more. The guy played the most amazing guitar and the gal and my voices blended perfectly! I'm usually so shy about making stuff up in front of people, but I just let it go. We made up songs about California guys and traveling. We just made sounds too. It was just the experience of putting noise out in a carpeted room together with strangers and making music! It was an amazing feeling.

I am learning to embrace life on life's terms. And learning that life is actually effing awesome if you just LET IT BE. All this drinking and wishing and hoping and plan making and worrying and drama-creating just sucks the joy out of life. Fear that you or life won't be enough, ruins it! As I'm learning to accept myself just the way I am, without help from a substance, I'm learning that life is amazing - just as it is. These experiences are presenting themselves always. I can either say yes to them, or retreat in fear. Believing in myself and feeling in my bones that I'm connected to the ground - something solid- has given me great freedom to experience the random in a whole new way! A more fun way. I didn't wake up with a hangover today.

I woke up laughing.

Happy Mother's Day for Peace

2010-05-09T02:29:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies and gents,

I heard Marianne Williamson, a famous author, spiritual teacher, and feminist, speak on Wednesday night. She told the story of the original American Mother's Day to the audience and read the Mother's Day Proclamation to us. It brought me to tears. In the midst of flowers, cards, and mother's day brunches, take a second to read this beautiful statement about peace. The influence that mothers and women in general have on the world is so great, so loving, and can be a true catalyst for peace on earth. That is what the founding women of this day hoped for. They hoped that the women who lost their sons and husbands and brothers to the Civil War would gather together and remember - and work together to become THE channels of peace in their great land.

I am so grateful for my mothers. All the strong, loving women who raised me taught me to believe in God, to love my family with all my heart, and to be a positive influence in the world around me. I am so proud to stand amongst them as a young American woman.

My Mom and our sweet dog, Dolly.

In 1870, Julia Ward Howe, author of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic", wrote this. A call to all mothers across the land:

Mother's Day Proclamation

Arise, then, women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace,
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God.
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found a pretty good page of Mother's Day History, if you would like to read more. I guess we have been honoring mothers forever! It's just nice to know that the tradition of this day, at least in America is very closely linked to peace and the power of the feminine spirit!

We can spread peace and love on this earth just by allowing the natural care-giving, loving, motherly spirit in each of us shine through. (If you're a guy...I guess you could try it. Couldn't hurt. Start with 1 inch heels. haha)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I pray to Janis Joplin

2010-05-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

Good morning folks,

It's 9:40 on a Thursday. I thought I'd blog. Not quite sure what I have to say.

First thing I will say is that the level of attractiveness in this Starbucks is staggering. Holy shit there are attractive people in LA. It's just the facts. I have chosen to enjoy it. And so I do.

Also - the general banter of said attractive people - usually not that smart. Just sayin. But they're nice to look at.

I have a full day today of demo getting readiness. Our studio time is only a month away and I want to make sure I am ready, and kick ass, and confident as hell. Which means I just need to play and sing my songs all the time. So today, I have time to do this. Amen.

Also, I got a random call yesterday to come in and audition for a 'Know your Lyrics' game show. I have no idea why, but you better believe I'm gonna go audition and put all these useless lyrics swimming around in my head to use! Maybe I'll win? ... right, God?

The only real insight I have to share today is something I heard last night. A friend was talking about different ways she has viewed/talked to 'God' in the past. I doubt that when any of us ever talk to the Universe, or God, or little baby Jesus that we are imagining the same thing. Most likely we do not imagine a man in a cloud with a long white beard. If you do, awesome! Keep it up, hope it works! But all of us relate to this higher power differently - and I'm sure a lot of us do not think about it or talk to it or believe in it at all. But, I was noticing yesterday that often when I 'talk to God' I am very polite. I feel like I almost have to talk in my business phone voice or something. I see this power as very serene, a part of everything, calm, all-knowing - and to be honest - sometimes that is not what I need. It's like my limited imagination of what God is just isn't cutting it. I watched "Talladega Nights" the other night. By far, this is the best scene in the movie:

I love that the all-powerful God that Ricky Bobby needed to pray to is little baby Jesus in a crib. Hilarious. When you believe yourself to be all-powerful and awesome, you don't have much need for a powerful awesome God. But that is what worked for him - that's the Jesus he liked.

But yesterday, I was having a hard time with a situation. I was obsessed with it and sort of freaking out and I could not calm my mind down. I felt hurt, pissed off, ect. I was in a bad spot and knew I needed help. Because I no longer drink a glass of wine when I feel this way - I wasn't quite sure what to do. I prayed. It didn't work. I prayed again...nope, nothing. I did some other things like talk to a few friends...still no relief. I guess I felt like - what does this omnipresent, chilled out energy that I think God is care about my petty problems, and even worse, what could it possibly do about it. My faith was sort of nill because my perception of what God was ---- sucked.

So anyway, I heard the best thing ever last night. It completely turned it all around for me. A friend said to me, "Sometimes my God is...

JANIS JOPLIN"

BOOM! My faith was back in that very moment. YES! Janis Joplin! Yes. Now, don't take this literally. I don't mean that the spirit of Janis is actually my God. I mean that the face and the voice and the general feel of my higher power at that moment became Janis fucking Joplin. And all of a sudden, I felt fine. It's like - if the power greater than myself - can wail like that, and kick ass like that, I have total faith in it!!!!!! I know it sounds childish and funny and weird. But at this time in my life, I am attracted to whatever works. Whatever keeps me humble, sober, and connected to God is what I"m into. And sometimes I need to imagine God as this wild, free, screaming, banchee - who loves the shit out of me and would do anything to keep me around. I want God to sing this to me:

"You know I'll always be around, if you ever want babe, come on and

CRY, CRY baby! CRY BABY! CRY BABY! Welcome back home"

(PS. if you don't have the album, Pearl, by Janis Joplin, this is were you buy it.)

Today, my 'God', wants me around, will let me cry, and will always be there, fighting for me. . I will never limit God to this little baby meditating Buddha sitting on a flower again. Sometimes I need that. But sometimes I need banchee, screaming, co-dependent Janis Joplin God. And you know, whether you believe in God or not, if there is a power outside of yourself that compels you to be good and loving to yourself and others, stick with that. It could be a freaking Snickers bar for all I care! Just find something that compels you to not hurt yourself and others. Something that makes you feel cared for and protected. Something that calls the best you forward. Imaginary or real. It doesn't matter. When I find something that is more powerful and amazing than myself, I have a shot at living above my own selfish, human, flawed potential. This 'something' saves my life. And whatever it is, it works.

For me, today. It's this lady:

New Song VLOG: April Fool's Day! Check it out!!!

2010-05-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

Morning my loves!

It's a VLOG day, yippidy doooooo!!! It's also my brother, Jesse's birthday. So let's all think about how awesome that is for him! ....

ok, moving on!

Check out the new song below. I gave you a little teaser of this one a few weeks ago. This is the full song. It is in the running for a slot on the new demo I'm recording in June! Hope ya'll like it. Try to rate it with like 5 freaking stars or comment on Youtube. It makes me look cooler.

LOTS OF LOVE

Do you want to make your weekend the best ever?

2010-04-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

Well...

the best things happen while you're dancing.

Have a great weekend.

Dance your pants off!

Can you be yourself in the music business?

2010-04-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

Hello folks,

A lot on the brain. The show was Saturday. It was wonderful. The songs were embraced with open and enthusiastic arms! My family had a ball and loved being a part of the performance. A wonderful group of fans and friends came out to support me. All and all it was a big home run - so GO TEAM.

What’s got me going right now is probably a mixture of a lot of different advice and commentary I’ve heard about what it takes in the music business these days - which way to go - what to do - how this town works, etc. It’s all a bit overwhelming. And I have found time and time again that When I ask absolutely EVERYONE for their opinion, I get very confused. Maybe it’s time to start distilling my advice flow a bit. But anyhoo. That’s another issue.

Or maybe it is THE issue. Coming out to Los Angeles, or heading to any major city to pursue a career in the arts can put you in a very vulnerable, spongy position. You are an unknown, without work or connections, without much experience. All you have is your talent and your own drive and sense of self. So it sets you up to be ‘told’ by more experienced dreamers how to go about your way. They line up to do it! And if you’re smart, you ask them as well. I am always wanting to hear what people’s stories and processes are. What people who produce and write and mix and play have to say about what it takes to ‘make it.’ Everyone came about their success in a different way and they all have something unique to share. They also have their own opinions about YOU and what YOU do and how YOU can make it. Where the listener or ‘rookie’ can go wrong is by taking all of these opinions as gospel truth and forgetting everything he/she already knows about the art form, business, and most importantly herself.

Sometimes I lose my sense of self when I am trying to take advice that I think sounds smart or cunning. Sometimes I lose my creativity when I am trying to fit into a mold that I think will be marketable. Sometimes my soul dies when I think I need to become something other than what I am to be a musician.

This Business of Music is not a wonderful thing. This is what I know.

There are rules and taboos and spreadsheets and bottom lines and marketing strategies and image consultations, etc. There is no soul in the business of music.

And music is the opposite of business.The bottom line is that there ARE. NO. RULES. when it comes to being a musician. That is why we love music in the first place. That is why we loved rock n roll. That is why it’s the ones who broke every so-called rule who we adore! Joni Mitchell smoked two packs a day from the day she was born and she’s still one of my all time favorite singers. How do you figure? It just is. Dylan went electric when he was the most famous folk icon in the world. Why? Because he fucking felt like it. That’s the kind of music he wanted to make!

I know that I’m not Dylan and I’m not Joni and I can only ever be just me. But I hope that if I truly am to go about this path - writing songs - performing them - connecting with people through my musical and lyrical expressions - that I can be myself, wholly and completely. I can’t do it any other way. I’m not going to become a one note/2D marketable artist. I can’t do it. I would rather die.

All I hear these days is how much we have to decide what we do, funnel it down to a formula, get really good at it, and then tell the world what it is. We have to decide basically - who we want to be - and then sell that fictional character to the outside world. As artists, we have to be able to shave ourselves around the edges until we can fit into a 10 second elevator pitch.

So, let’s say you decided, I want to be a country singer. Ok, great! Get us some cowboy boots, some big blonde hair, some songs about a shitty boyfriend, and a twangy belt - and we’re good to go. So let’s say, when you’re making your album, you want to put a song on there that is more jazzy. It’s a song you wrote that is amazing! Well, tough titties! It doesn’t fit into the mold of country singer, so it ain’t goin nowhere. Sorry, sister. This is the business. Each artist has a mission statement. And if the song or the outfit or the gig or the political view does not fit within that box, it’s a no go! Being versatile and interesting and outspoken in the biz - not a safe way to make a buck. Just see what happened to the Dixie Chicks when they expressed their dislike for George Bush! The country music world basically banned them from the air. They were not allowed to be country musicians anymore. Their liberal ways did not fit within the marketable mold of country music. And it makes sense! Hell, they stopped selling out tours for a while there.

But they continued to make music, because that’s what they do.

All I’m saying is, I don’t want to be a poser. I don’t want to ‘become’ something to be marketed. I want to become a great singer/songwriter. I want to be good at what I do. And I want to be able to do what I feel. I want to be able to sing a quirky song about jealousy next to a ballad about faith. Because that is who I am. That’s what I do. I can’t edit. And if it means that I a may not make it very far in this business. So be it.

But that is not going to stop me from making music.

The most important thing for us young artists to do is learn how to trust our gut - about people, places, things, and our art. Learn how to go write when we feel inspiration coming. Learn to stop editing our heart and soul. That is where the good stuff is! That is what life and music and art and love are all about! That soul inspired whoooooosh of energy. All the greats trusted this artist within them! All the greats listened to their soul over the loud banter of executives and money makers. It’s not about calculating a perfect business plan and implementing the steps. If that is the energy that lives behind music, it sucks. It just flat out sucks. No one wants to listen to that. Can a good business plan help fund the arts, OF COURSE. Do I hope to make money off of my music someday, and hopefully sooner than later, OF COURSE. But when the business comes before the art, you’re in trouble. Music must be driven by soul, NOT MONEY.

bottom line.

So maybe I’ll have money and maybe I won’t. But i think I will be much happier with a body of work that moves my soul and the souls around me to feel and love and cry and laugh. That is what life is about, and that is what I want to reflect in my work, not dollar signs.

PRINT THIS OUT AND GET A FREE CD

2010-04-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hello lovers,

Just a hot second to say: It's the day of the show, ya'll. I'm very excited about this one. I love my new songs! I can't wait for you to hear them. If you are planning on attending, PRINT OUT THIS PAGE AND GET A FREE CD!

I have a copy of my first album, THE CASIO TAPES, for ya'll. Just print this out and bring it tonight.

ROOM 5 @ 9PM - $8 cover, 21+

I'm ready to ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't say thank you to thank you enough.

2010-04-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

Good morning loves,

I just wanted to say hi. I wish I blogged more. I really love doing it. I guess my routine has been weird lately. It's hard to get back on track sometimes. I will say this. I know it's a theme that runs through the blog. I've talked about it a lot. But I basically talk about it because it is changing my life in the most awesome way. I'm talking about Gratitude.

I'm talking about saying Thanks. Like that song by Alanis MOrrisette: Thank you India, thank you terror, thank you disillusionment. Thank you nothingness, than you consequence, thank you thank you silence.

I love it! I had a horrible morning yesterday. Woke up hating. A lot of things. I was paralyzed with fear, resentment, anxiety, you name it. I could not get my feet on the floor and out of bed. It was bad! You know sometimes life is scary. And when my mind starts obsessing over decisions and consequences and changes and character defects - I freeze. There is nowhere to go. There is nothing to do but cry. Maybe I'm alone in my experience, but I'm sorta gonna go out on a limb here and guess that a few of you have felt this way as well. Yup!

Anyway, I called a few friends to get out of my crazy head. They helped me get dressed, get going, and get over it. One of them suggested thinking about all the things I'm grateful for. No, actually writing it out. I thought that was a pretty good idea.

Well I went about my day without making the list but keeping an eye out for good things. A nice sip of coffee here. A funny moment there. A cute guy over yonder. My day started brightening.

When I got in my bed I took out a sheet of paper and started to write my Gratitude list. It was funny because usually I write these things like they are an assignment. A structured, neat, numbered list. I put pressure on myself to get to the high digits. But this time, I went free form. I scribbled and doodled and did different lettering and basically made an art project out of the things I was grateful for. And the page filled up. It was amazing and beautiful. I realized that all of the things I was worrying over or trying to control in the morning were things that I was actually grateful for.

I had a very clear choice to make. I could either enjoy the life I had. Or I could freaking wine and worry and bitch and control and resist. I could say 'THANK YOU.' or I could say 'NO THANK YOU.'

This is something we can do everyday. I'm starting to realize that almost everything comes down to this simple practice. Are we grateful for what we have or are we resisting our reality? Are we in acceptance, or are we whiny mother-effers desiring more, more, more?

The next time I want to bitch about a friend or a family member, I hope that I take a second to be grateful they are in my life, grateful they are alive! NOTHING is worth going to sleep at night pissed over. Everyone deserves love and forgiveness every second of the day. I know that sounds really general and what about Hitler, blah blah blah. But I'm pretty sure if he had more gratitude and love in his life - the entire world would be a different place today.

Do not underestimate the MIRACLE of being being grateful. It really changed my stupid ass wanna punch something and give up on life day.

On a completely random note. Someone from my highschool who I maybe talked to once or twice contacted me the other week about a synchronisity. He had posted on his facebook a phrase: Thank you universe. Thank you everything. A few friends poked fun and talked about Alanis's song, etc. He was curious who else might have said this and put the quote in a google search and guess what came up. MY FREAKING BLOG.

Watch the Show Trailer!!!! April 24 @ 9pm!

2010-04-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

Hello loves,

Today is a VLOG day. I'm gearing up for a very action packed weekend! My little brother Jesse is graduating from College! My whole family is coming out to celebrate! And I have a show on Saturday night at Room 5 at 9pm. It's time to partayyyyyyyyyy!

Watch the promo! Come to the show! Or send the love from afar.

We will be voting on a lot of new songs at the show - picking ones we love for the demo which will be recorded at Moontower Studio in Cambridge, MA in early June! yahoooooo!

Very excited.

Check it out!

I got a job. And Cat Stevens is singing to me.

2010-04-13T17:50:00.001-07:00

Good morning lovers,

It's not morning, but I just like saying that. It's actually 5:50 PM on the West Coast. I'm writing at a weird time of day because. dum de dum dum...I got a job! Not the kind of job of my dreams job, a job to pay the bills job. But I'm pumped! It's one to two days a week - so I still have time for my passion AND it pays really well AND I need money. I'm getting paid to write marketing letters/twitter/facebook for this wholesale artisan company that makes all this shit with spiritual images on it. Like this:

It's sort of perfect actually. The gang over there is really quirky and arty and fun. The job is easy. I can't complain. I'm blessed to have found work so easily! Yipeeeee.

A part of me struggled with this whole thing for a bit. Am I a sell out? I know I need money, but am I a failure for not being at the place where I'm getting paid enough to live off my art? Blah blah blah - what does this crappy job mean about me and my journey?

And I decided it means nothing. It means that the money I have been living off of is running out. It means it's time to make up the difference so I can eat and have a roof over my head. Artists and musicians have been doing crap jobs since the dawn of time to support themselves while they pursue their dreams. Why not me?

I know a few musicians out here who do not do an extra job. They do music. One of them is a street musician. Everyday he hangs out in subways, on street corners and the like and plays his ass off for whatever generous folks want to offer. He is hardcore. He is amazingly talented. He is a lil bit crazy, in a good way. I am not the kind of musician that is going to do that. I'm not quite sure why. I think it's not really my style. And also. I'm scared to do that. I'll go ahead and say it. The streets are not my home.

I also know some people who just sort of made it big. Kind of automatically when they moved out here. They are professional musicians. They work really hard. And they got lucky early on. Well...that's not my story...yet. So, next.

There are a few who dabble in all sorts of musical endeavors to make it work: booking, producing, playing for other folks, mixing, etc. They make their money to live off of music - it's just not 'playing music.' I think this is a good way to go, but I think it can also be very distracting and in a way take some of your passion for what you love to do away. If you are spending a lot of your waking hours doing music - but it's music stuff you don't like and don't care about - do you have passionate arty creative steam left for your most important project? Maybe.

I think it is safe to say that I feel more motivated to dedicate some real time to what I love to do after coming home from an 8 hour day doing something I don't love to do. I'm not exhausted. I have energy to spare. And I want to spend it on the things that make me happy - the pursuits I love. My creative juices are flowing and not tired and wasted on something else.

I'm pumped about this! This is going to work out. Do you ever have that feeling? That all is in divine order? The feeling that everything is just as it should be. All the ducks are in a row. All is well with the world? I feel that way right now. There is absolutely nothing I would change, to be honest. Of course there are material and romantic things I desire - but deep down I know that it is not time for those things. It is time for this moment. RIGHT NOW. And you know what I'm learning?

I have everything I need at this moment. Absolutely everything. How grateful am I for that! It feels very good to realize that there is nothing in this world you need to acquire to be ok. You just are.

So I have a 'whatever' part time job to pay the bills. So my hair is wet. So I have no boyfriend. So I haven't paid my taxes yet or filed for an extension. (that felt like TMI)

I know that what I don't have is what I don't need. And what I do have is perfect for this moment. And no matter what goes wrong, it will be ok in the end. That is abundance, folks! Let it in. It feels good.

Moving out to California to follow my dreams and commit to my music and get sober and take a chance on life was the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me. Hands down.

If a crazy, inspired notion comes to you at some point in your life and your heart starts to race and you feel all excited and you have no idea where this plan came from?

DO IT.

do it.

just do it.

trust me.

The Wind - Cat Stevens

(please listen to this song)

Happiness. How do I get me some of that?

2010-04-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like writing this morning. There are a lot of ideas swirling around in my head. Lots of intuitions and weirdness. It’s good but I have to get some of it out.

I am at risk of being completely cliche here and I don’t care.

What does it all mean?

Why do we do it?

What is the point of life?

I know that people have been asking those questions from the beginning of time. I’m still asking them. I feel like I’ve been asking them since I could talk. I’m curious. A part of me wishes I was a soul who really wasn’t that curious. I wish I could just go about my life with my ambitions and my friends and family and never wonder why. And never wonder about what really matters. But I do.

Here is what is marinating lately. I watched about 10 of those TED videos the other day. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you HAVE to check them out. They are a series of talks by very intelligent and inspirational people. All they are is a person with a microphone sharing an idea they had. It’s brilliant. Here are two of my favorite ones:

Elizabeth Gilbert on Nurturing Creativity

JIll Bolte Taylor's Stroke of Insight

But it was this one that really got me thinking. Dan Gilbert wrote "Stumbling on Happiness"

Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy?

This bald man proves through research that there is no difference in happiness level between someone who wins the lottery and someone who becomes a parapalegic. THINK ABOUT THAT.

Situation A) You win millions of dollars. You can do whatever you want. The world is your oyster

Situation B) You cannot move your entire body. You are limited to a wheelchair for the rest of your life. Your physical freedom is over

Neither A or B is more happy. Neither A or B is more miserable. WHY??????

I guess it’s because our outside circumstances do not determine our happiness. Think about this. If it’s true. It means that absolutely nothing - no experience or person or place or thing can really make you happy for any length of time. I’m not talking about spurts of euphoria or whatever chemical shoots through our brain and makes us high on life for a few minutes. I’m talking lasting contentedness. Nothing on this earth.

In a way, this experiment makes me happy. It means that life is simpler. It proves what our elders have been trying to tell us for years - enjoy the little things, spend time with your family, slow down. There is no pot of gold at the end this rainbow. There is only now. And the point of that experiment was to show that it is the human beings who do not depend on their material circumstances for their well being that find true happiness. It’s the ones who find peace within who are happy. Poor or rich. Young or old. Beautiful or deformed. It’s the ones who have DECIDED to be content with their life.

Contentment. When I think of that word, I see the Buddha.

Sitting there in his peaceful lotus, enjoying the presence of God, breathing in and out. The Buddha symbolizes perfect detachment from the material world. The Buddha overcame this plain of existence, he conquered craving, and material things. Same with Jesus, he conquered death. Same with Gandhi. Same with Yogananda. Our saints found a way to look past the physical plain - the obvious lack and tragedy of everyday life. They detached from THINGS and moved into a space where they connected with something so much deeper and more reliable. A stable connection with spirit.

Even talking about it makes me more at ease. There is something so satisfying about the spiritual presence in this world.

One of my favorite gospel tunes goes:

“There’s a sweeeet sweeeeet spirit in this place

And I’m going to take that spirit with me everyday”

Those are the riches! That is were the happy people live, in spirit! That is why people always talked about heaven like it was paved with gold. Man, when you are with God - when you are enlightened, when you are one with the universe - you are a millionaire. You have arrived.

I have had that kind of peace in my life on occasion. I have it more and more lately. It mostly comes when I am in a place of gratitude and acceptance. When I say thank you to the universe for everything in this moment, every feeling, sensation, experience, thing, thought, all of a sudden, I’m happier. When I am in acceptance throughout my day. I accept this moment, this desire, this hurt, this schedule, exactly as it is. Nothing is wrong with it. And when it goes wrong, I accept that too. Then I experience bliss. It’s rare, but I do experience it.

And also. Choosing to love others. I think that is something the saints figured out. We can hate our enemies and hate our loved ones, or we can choose to love them. And when we do that, we are choosing to be happy.

I may never win the lottery, I may never become a paraplegic, I may never get all that I desire, I may never get anything I desire, but I believe that I can be happy, content, loving and kind no matter what. Will I enjoy the ride or will I struggle and fight and kick my way through? Will I spend my waking hours fantasizing about the future, or enjoying the fresh air in the moment? Will I minimize my experiences while craving other ones, or will choose to find love and peace and acceptance in my daily life?

I’m no Buddha. I”m no saint. I’m not even a rolling stone. I’m human. But I think I am also spirit - like you like everything. And when I choose to experience the everything rather than the ‘ME’- it’s a lot better.

Ok, I needed to do that. I’m done now. hahaha.

I’m off to the airport to pick up my dear friend Lauren! We have a wonderful weekend planned with many girly activities. I’m excited to relax into the rhythm of an old and tested and beautiful friendship.

Have great weekends!!!!!!! Choose wisely. :)

Open Apology: I have a dirty mouth

2010-04-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

Dear blog readers,

After speaking with my mother today on the phone, I realized that I made a booboo. A big one. I make this mistake a lot, but this time it may have been overly vulgar.

I swear A LOT. I also have sort of an inappropriate way of talking about really awful things. I have a streak of dark humor in me. This last VLOG that I posted has some very dirty language in it, and I wanted to say I am so sorry if I offended anyone. Anyone at all.

I know that there are mothers and grandmothers and friends and dads and HOPEFULLY not little kids that read this blog. You all deserve to feel safe and comfortable when clicking on my blog - knowing that you will most likely not be attacked or offended by some horrible language. I may have overstepped a boundary yesterday, and I apologize.

That being said. Swearing sometimes happens in my world. And sometimes I feel like it's needed and ok. I will say that my blog is intended for mature audiences. If it was a movie, it would be R. But that does not forgive talking about gross situations in a vulgar way.

MY BAD!!!!!

I will only leave the said VLOG up for a day or two longer, then I will take it down.

Thank you all for sticking with me and forgiving my potty mouth and loving me anyway.

WARTS AND ALL.

yours,

Fran

VLOG day: "Break my Heart" Video - Behind the Scenes Peek

2010-04-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

Good morning humans,

I hope you are all feeling more alive than I am today. WAKE UP!!! I'm a little exhausted from the weekend in Ventura. We had a ball filming the new video for "Break My Heart" - directed by Michael Shaffer!!!!! I had an amazing Easter with my brother and my dear friends in Ojai hiking and smelling orange blossoms and talking about creativity and music. It was heaven. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend to the max!

But today my friends, is a VLOG day.

enjoy the behind the scenes look at my next video!

Isn't life fun?

Big News!!!!!! tour..............

2010-04-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Hello lovers,

Something amazing has happened. Don't ask me how. But someone was at the SNL show the other night...someone big in the music business...someone who loved me. He called last night and guess what??????

I'M GOING ON TOUR OPENING FOR MILEY CYRUS!

I'm shitting myself! Details to come soon! Read on.

April Fools.

Love,

Fran

Video, Demo, Next gig song voting!

2010-03-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

I'm getting to know LA spring. It was high 70s, summer weather yesterday. I slept with my window open. This morning I woke up with a stuffy nose in a freezing bedroom! It's overcast and 60. Wha happened????

Today is a 'blogging in my underwear' day. I'm tired. A lot of sweet things happened this past weekend and I'm feeling a bit of the aftershock.

But there is not much time to sit and reflect. More is coming! I've got the video shoot for "Break My Heart" this weekend!!! How exciting is that. I need to seriously do some wardrobe work there. Jared will be playing my love interest. I know he will have no wardrobe drama because he wears the same thing everyday and always manages to look cool. Oh, to be a boy! I will be doing some 'behind the scenes' vlogging so stay tuned for that!

Also, I am planning out the recording of my new demo!!!!!!!!!!! Yeeehawwww, you guys. I'm going to travel back to Boston in June and record 5 brand new songs with my dear friend and kick ass musician friend, Dave Aaronoff, as producer. I'm very excited to write some more before June and really start to get a tasty selection of songs for this project. If any of you have heard some of the new stuff and have a preference, I would love to hear what you like. I want to make sure the songs that we record are the absolutely most successful and awesome tunes I have.

IN FACT!

My next gig on April 24th at Room 5 @ 9pm will be interactive -- in a totally not scary way.

I will be passing out little 'ballots' to the audience - sort of like a score card. That night, I will be debuting a lot of new music. I will be asking the audience to let me know which of the new songs they would like to hear on a CD to take home! I will take that info and mixed with mine and Dave's opinion - create the most kick ass demo in the WORLD. I have been out to see live music before and heard one or two songs that I really love - and I have no idea how I will ever hear them again, and then maybe I don't. The song is forgotten- to me. This way, you will help me figure out what my hits are, AND you will get to choose what songs you will eventually get to have in your home library. It's a win/win! So I hope you all can make it out on the 24th. My entire family is going to be here from the East coast, so it's going to get WILD.

I'm listening to Bob Dylan this morning. Of course. There is just something healing about his music. I feel like he's washing my soul clean. Thank you BD.

"Down the Highway" - Bob Dylan

From Boston to Belding. This trip is trippy!!!!!!!

2010-03-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hello world,

I had a blog malfunction this week and lost a very wordy and sensitive diatribe about my bruised ego. I'm thinking it was meant to be. It's gone. And so be it! I'd rather be positive anyway.

So I had an amazing week! Two performances that taught me so much and made me so grateful for this journey I'm on. If you ever are sitting and wondering what would happen 'if' - 'if' you did that thing you've always wanted to do. JUST DO IT. The 'if' is a beautiful thing.

So. Thursday night was the Open Idol Competition at the KeyClub. If you haven't already guessed, I didn't win. haha! That was not the plan anyway. The plan was to have fun and meet some other amazing musicians and that is exactly what happened.

Jared and I were the 3rd to perform. Thank God! I hate the anxiety of waiting.

The judging part of the night was not my favorite experience - because I'm a sensitive baby artist with absolutely NO rhino skin. I'm working on it. BUT I did get to hear the most glorious sentence ever from an industry pro, "Your songs take me back to Joni Mitchell's "Blue" album. They touch my heart in the same way." Ummmmmm. Best compliment ever in a world! I was flying! Of course whatever negative words that were said screamed above all else and made me want to die and quit for about 1 hour. But I got through that and am now celebrating the amazingly positive words that compared me to my top songwriting IDOL! Thank you, ma'am.

2 other moments shined above the rest. First of all, some amazing people came out to support!!!!!!! I could not believe the love I had in that room - definitely the best fan showing of any of the other acts. Do you know how amazing that is? I mean come on! Evelyn and Allie - you made my night.

Signs???? I might as well have died and gone to heaven. This was the cutest, funniest part of the night. It made me feel so loved and excited and helped me give a more energized performance. and EVERYONE was talking about it. xoxoxoxoxoxo

To Jenny, Kate, Steve, Tom, Gabe, Gabe's friend, and Shellie - I am soooo grateful for your presence that night! You continue to help me to understand that music builds bonds and I'm so excited to continue to get to know you all and share my music with you. It is the sweetest gift.

The 3rd best part was meeting new, inspiring musicians! I met two in particular who you must check out!!!! First of all, the winner of the competition was this wild, tortured, beautiful, twisted, spiritual slide guitar player who lives for his music and surfs couches when he needs to rest his head. His name is The Spirit-hood (aka Pat) and he is my new musical hero. So much soul that it drips from every note. This guy needs a cellphone and a computer and maybe some organization - but he has got the real deal going on in his heart and through his songs. Check him and out and friend him on Myspace! NOW. http://www.myspace.com/thespirithood

My other favorite was the third place winner, Jesse Thomas. She is a Brandi Carlile loving ball of feisty awesomeness. Her voice is unique and compelling - her songs are beautiful and poignant - and she comes in a tiny adorable package. I like her a lot and I think you will too. Check out her page!!!!! http://www.myspace.com/jessethomasmusic

All in all, it was a great night. And so fun to play for people who had never heard my music.

Last night was the ACME Comedy Theater's Saturday Night Live show with Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell as the host. We had a freakin BLAST! Maybe some of you on the east coast got to check out the live feed.

First of all, Belding is a dear, dear man. So sweet and funny. The cast was hilarious and fun to interact with back stage. So many great friends came out to support: Suzanne Kiechle (my voice teacher), Kathy, Drea, Jesse, Deb, and Rebecca. I felt the love in the room.

My gorgeous and talented friend, Drea! The loudest 'Woo-hoo'er in the audience.

Jared Kuenstler, Me, and Eric Zimmerman (our new drummer) - pose on the red Carpet

The whole thing felt a bit surreal. Like is this me? Am I really in some sort of LA red carpet scenario getting my photo taken with Mr. Belding? And the answer is, YES. The best part is that it all felt natural. This is becoming my profession. Once and for all, Amen! I feel like a professional, I felt a little glamorous, I felt invested and poised and happy and grateful to have the opportunity to sing in front of a live audience.

This is my job. And I'm sure it won't always be glamorous and it won't always be fun. But for the most part, I LOVE IT. I'm so excited to get better. I'm so excited to keep getting my feet wet with new and different jobs so that I can become 'seasoned.' I'm so pumped to meet new people and connect with new people and learn from them! I'm so glad that when I want to give up, I don't. I'm so grateful that I get to do this. It's like the universe is allowing my heart's desire to come true. That feels amazing. Maybe it's because I finally agreed to not fight the natural flow of things. I feel like as much as I can I am surrendering to the Universe and it's great power and whatever happens, happens. I'm trying to get out of the way so that I don't eff it up. It doesn't always work - but most of times it's a beautiful life.

I should have more pics from the Belding night along with some clips coming up this week! Hopefully tomorrow. Stay tuned, my friends.

I'm in the mood for this song:

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Screw the fear. Get on the faith train!

2010-03-22T09:05:00.001-07:00

Good morning fearless lifers!

How are you all? I'm doing great this morning. Pretty much cuz I've realized the shit in the life, can be the gold. And when you realize that, everything turns to gold. And then you're living in luxury! haha.

( I stabbed my hand with a kitchen knife really deep and had to go to the free clinic ER and get stitches on my chord making hand on Saturday. It was gross. But all the right people showed up to help. And it's fine now. So Amen)

I had a little fun surprise today. A stranger. Someone I've never heard of or talked to commented on one of my videos on Youtube - on my cover of "The Pearl." He loved it.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS????

It means it's working! It means that somehow in a world these tools that I'm using and putting my faith in are reaching a new audience. A group of people who may not listen to me otherwise. Freaking awesome!!! Even if it's just that guy. I love that guy. I'm so grateful for that guy. And I hope that guy has friends who want to watch it too. Because this is how it happens, you guys. One person at a time. It doesn't happen in a flash of lightning. I"m pretty sure no one in the world just woke up one morning with a career.

It takes commitment. It takes dedication and discipline. It takes talent and hard work. And it takes FAITH. I thought youtube was kinda dumb. Who really cares about watching my amateur performances anyway, right? Who? But I just had to have faith in the tool. I believed that this tool might, just might broaden my audience. And this morning it did. To THAT guy.

Covers on Youtube work. I'm pretty sure the VLOGS are working too, because they are attracting a different group to my normal blog and to the youtube page. It's so crazy what happens when you just tell your brain to shut up and have faith.

My brain likes to tell me I'm not worth it. I'm not good enough. No one will ever love me or care about my music...blah blah blah. My brain is ridiculous! If my life was left to my brain and my ego I would be...some sort of drunken homeless gypsy living on the streets of some foreign city waiting for Prince Charming. So THANK GOD for God. I have something in my life that is more powerful than my brain. And when I believe in it, my brain rests. My creativity and soul can take over. The best in me comes out and the most beautiful outcomes go down.

This whole change in my life has been based on faith that something larger than myself was at work. And I think it's going pretty damn well. I'm so excited about the shows coming up this week! Thursday night is the Open Idol competition with celebrity and A&R judges at the Keyclub in Hollywood. 20 songwriters will compete for cash prizes and get judges, American Idol style. I'm nervous and pumped! I like pressure. And it's on. I feel like the stakes are high. They are getting higher every time I perform. And in reality, you never know when your last performance will be - or the one that could change your whole career. Especially here, I never know who will be in the audience. Never. So the pressure is on in a good way. I need to put out my best product and effort and have faith in the rest. That's the equation. Without faith, it's pretty much torture. haha. So if you're around, come cheer at the Open Idol thingy! The audience gets a say in who wins. That audience should be YOU.

I'm also getting to sing at this SNL-like comedy night at ACME Comedy Theater on La Brea - this Saturday night at 7pm!!!!! I'm so excited! Mr. Belding from "Saved by the Bell" will be hosting and I am the musical guest. I'm introducing a drummer for this show - in hopes that we will make it pop a bit more! If you are on the East coast, you can see the show live on the Internet!!! It will be streaming here at 10pm EST. All in all, I don't know how all this is happening. It just is.

It just is.

I have to say that I have had so much support from Mitchell Shaffer. He is a musician, booker, and friend who has helped me a long the way and given me many opportunities to perform and sage promotion advice. These two gigs this week are thanks to Mitchell, so let's all give him a big round of applause for being awesome and believing in me!

Cuz it's all about faith, ya'll. That's what I'm saying.

What are you putting your faith in? Isn't that a concept. If we have faith in failure...guess what happens???? If we have faith in love...guess what we get? If we have faith, I mean real faith, in pickles...the pickles will come.

It ain't easy. But gosh darnit, it works!!!!!!!!!!

signing off.

xoxo

The Caribbean is good for the soul.

2010-03-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Hello my loves.

It’s been far far too long. I have spent the last week on the beautiful Island of St. Thomas in the Caribbean. I was visiting and singing there with my choir, The Essence of Joy Alumni Singers. We are a rag-tag, amazing group of graduates who now live their lives all over the US and get together every once and awhile to share spiritual African American music with audiences around the world. Every tour I have been on with EOJAS has been amazing and unique in its own way. But this trip was very special. The location, the group of people, the synchronized time in my life all came together to make a beautiful experience I will always remember.

Although I had much to blog about during the week, the slow pace of island living, the balmy air, and frozen virgin daiquiris were calling me to CHILL OUT.

(This is the sign for the Virgin Islands)

No blogs. No worry. No e-mails. It has been wonderful, but I’m ready to come back to my usual pace and daily routine.

I’m on my flight home.(This was written on Tuesday Night) Leaving the Virgin Islands is like emerging from the mists and looking back to find that Avalon has disappeared. I almost feel like, “Was that real? Did that just happen? Is that what I have been up to for the past week?” Weird. It’s like a dreamworld. I have never really desired to come to the Caribbean. I’m not sure why. I guess my family has more of a history centered travel style. We like to go where shit happened and imagine it and be in the culture that we learned about, etc. In that way, I’m much more of a seasoned European tourist. But The Islands are a whole new thing. The seasoned Island hopper doesn’t so much care about the history - or the quality of dinner - or the appropriate dress code - or catching the taxi on time. Being on island is about going with the flow. It’s about water.

And the water is the most beautiful site I have seen in a long time. Crystal clear. Turquoise. Glistening. Gentle. Warm. The beauty of an Island is not so much the land in the middle, it’s the crust. It’s the water that surrounds the land. I spent some joyous times in the water on this trip! Laughing till I literally ‘peed my bathing suit’ in the ocean with my friends, Night swimming and giggling at 2 am, pulling out deck chairs into the ocean and sipping fruit punch at the Soggy Dollar Bar, sailing around the sunset and singing with some of my oldest and most wonderful friends, snorkeling around a cluster of tiny Islands and spotting fabulously vibrant and fascinating fish, watching a mamma and baby humpback wale swim together through the deep blue, motor boating to BVI and swimming in caves. The Caribbean water officially courted me all week, and I’m head over heals in love. I knew I loved to snorkel and scuba from my little experience with it in Australia years ago. But now it is destined. I will be back. And I will be scuba certified. And I will spend my entire time ‘on island’ ON or IN that beautiful water. AMEN.

The other highlight of the trip for me was reconnecting with the people in my choir. I downplay the experience of living in a brand new city sometimes. The craziest part about it is that all of your friends are new. Everyday you are still feeling people out, getting to know them, learning new tidbits and defining your relationships. It is fun and exciting, but can also take a lot out of you. I had no idea how much I needed to be around a group of people who I knew and loved and who knew and loved me - no questions asked. It was so easy! The lazy island flavor fit perfectly with the effortless social connection with my mates. We sang songs, made up songs, made fun of each other, told inside jokes, remembered the old times, caught up on the new times, talked about life and love and philosophy, and generally laughed our asses off. It was just what the doctor ordered! I had been worried that showing up on an island with all the available booze and all my old party friends would be too challenging for me. It wasn’t. It was a breeze. It was breezy. Thank you to everyone on the trip for making it so memorable and so much fun!

My friend Mar and me on a BOAT.

I love these people.

Singing with the choir was wonderful as always. It was such a relief to get to sing my heart out in a genre that is not my day to day ‘work.’ I got to sort of put my singer/songwriter hat aside for a few days and take out my gospel shoes! We SANG. We wailed. We cried a few times. But mostly we had fun and connected to the audience the way that we do. This choir moves people. It is a channel of love through music that was written by African Americans to cope with life. Each song cries out to something higher. To God. This time my experience of singing was just as sweet as speaking with the audience after. They were so loving, so appreciative. Many of them shared little bits of their life with me: one little girl who likes to swim and sing had an eyelash on her cheek and blew it off my finger and made a wish, one early twenty-something talked about how inspired she was and how much she loved to dance and loved watching us ‘move’ to the music, another older woman told me about her bought with cancer and how joyful she is to be alive and how joyful the music made her feel. We cried together. This is what music does. It gets into the nooks and crannies of peoples hearts and alleviates the pain and boundaries that separate them from others. It allows perfect strangers to connect and love each other. It is a spiritual experience and practice and I’m so grateful that I get to be a part of this group and also my own path to bring people together through song. Hallelujah!

All in all, the trip was absolutely amazing. I feel uplifted and supported. I feel...very sunburned and very content. I feel like my itch for adventure has been quelled, at least for now. I feel humbled and fascinated by the beautiful earth we live on. I feel more inspired to take care of it. I feel inspired by the animals and nature I came in contact with. I feel loved. Most importantly I feel happy to return home. This is one of the first trips in a long time that did not make me want to reevaluate my whole existence. I feel grounded and confident that where I am is where I need to be. There where no full fledged fantasies of running off with my boat captain and island hopping for the rest of my days (well, maybe one that lasted like 5 minutes. He was cute!) But all in all, no one wants to live in Brigadoon. Reality beats fantasy when you are becoming not only comfortable with it, but accepting of it. Coming home from a wonderful trip to a life you are proud to be living is an experience I am grateful to have.

So, long story short. Next time you take a trip, consider something out of the ordinary. Go to a place you wouldn’t usually go. Go with friends that you love who you may want to reconnect with. Do something you are passionate about while you are there. Give back to the local community somehow. And enjoy the natural surroundings and culture around you. Then go home. Go to sleep. And wake up in the morning. C’est la vie. And Vie is beautiful!

-f